I have been cutting for about three months now. I cut my wrists, legs and stomach. I have been very good at hiding them, at least I thinks so, but now I have a problem. I’m sick therefore not going to school and left alone at home for the day. My mom’s friend is a doctor and my mom asked her to come over and check upon me, find out why I’m sick and how to recover. I’m so scared that the doctor is going to make me undress, because I’ve been to doctors loads of times before I started self harming and many times […]
I don’t know if I’m a lesbian or just confused. I’m in a relationship with a man. We’ve been together for a long time. But lately everything feels fake. I don’t know if I’m attracted to the idea of lesbianism, if I want a clever and easy word to describe myself, or if I’m just tired of all these men chasing after me. Sometimes I think about women when I’m with my boyfriend. I hate that. I wish I could give him what he needs, but I don’t feel adequate. I wish I was better. I wish I was more nice and less selfish. But […]
When I was younger, I thought it was cool to have suicidal thoughts. I craved the attention and loved how people saw my ‘pain’. I forced myself to think things like, taking to many pills and hanging myself or whatever, but I guess I never really understood the meaning, because I never wondered what would happen to me after that. As I grew older, I changed from what you might call ‘Emo-style’, to look like a happy, tanned girl, with blonde hair. I could […]
I am very happy (weird statement in a post about suicide, I know) and thankful that I came across this site. It’s a rare chance that one can, with total abandon, present one’s life in a self-pitying view and (hopefully) not be judged.
If there is anything I have learned is that in life, CHOICE DICTATES ALL. Jaded, disillusioned, trapped, confused, hugely embarrassed, angry, bitter, sad and tired, I am all these things, all because of my very poor and misguided life choices. If I could turn back time I most definitely would because I hate feeling how I feel right now.
My life started well enough. […]
I am incredibly suicidal and am ready to end my life with an impulsive moment…. but I find myself commenting on other people’s posts about not giving up and to keep fighting. Am I a hypocrite? Perhaps I am so conditioned to think that my life is not worth anything but other’s lives are worth the effort.
I love theater. Â I love musicals. Â I love singing and acting. Â So what do I do? Â I take part in my school’s musicals every year. Â We had our auditions for next years play today and I think I messed everything up. Â After I did my lines they told me I did a good job but then came the singing… Â I’ve listened to the song so many times I have it memorized! Â I’ve worked so hard yet during my song they had me stop early! Â They gave us a stopping point so the audition didn’t take too long and I didn’t even get to that point! […]
I spend a lot of time thinking about the future. Wondering of ill travel the world, make it in broadway, get married and have kids, or give up  before I get the chance.
I wonder what what it is inside of me that makes my body ache and makes my mind fill up with hate. I don’t know how to stop it. I know that I should probably get help. Tell a parent. But in reality if I tell them all that goes on in my head they’ll send me away because “I’m a danger to myself.” And I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I […]
Do you ever feel like you are just too old for this shit?!? Too old to tell your story. Too old to make a come back and make it right. Too old to feel this way. I’m creeping up on my 44th birthday and I still cannot find the words to express the horror of my life in particular (and my childhood in general). The words are stuck in my throat, strangling me. I admire people who have killed themselves because I feel like they are so brave. They have managed to do what I never could do despite my semi-best efforts. I try to […]
It’s hard for me to even type this out, to be honest. I’m a very private person, one who rarely lets people in on the darker aspects of my life.
All my life, I have felt worthless, pathetic, weak. People have abused, violated, and abandoned me without any regard. And I let them because I am too weak to do anything about it or unable to.
Suicide crosses my mind at least nine times every week. It infests my mind when I’m not even paying attention and always makes sure to make its presence loud and clear when my situations are bleak. My chest constantly feels heavy except […]
Back during my Freshman year of high school (I’m now a junior) I was really close friends with this gay guy in my drama class named Josh. He moved away that same year and we had our struggles keeping in touch, but he started collage last year and completely shut me out and stopped talking to me… It really hurt me because I had feelings for him for a while (yes I knew he was gay). We helped each other through things, he knew what it was like to be suicidal and struggle with self harm so we hit it off right away and became […]
Ok so apparently selfish because idont kowhow  stop self h arming….. seriously give up :'(
Hi,
An MBA in Finance, worked in Frankfurt, London, Zurich and now jobless in my hometown India. I lost my job 7 months ago. Have 7 years of work experience in financial sector. I have a home and car loan on my head. Till last month i was able to manage these loans and my daily expenses with all my savings. But from March 2014 i will have no house, no food, no loan money, nothing; as all my saving are over. The biggest of all is I have a credit card payment of 2000 USD to be paid by feb end and I have nothing […]
On some days I wished I never starting self-harming, but on other days I wished I never stopped
I’m confused on whether I want to commit or live.
If I live, there is that possibility that life will be how I want it to be in the future, but it could tyrn out shitty like it is now.
If I just commit, it’ll be over.
I won’t have to suffer and struggle anymore.
I just, there are SO MANY positives and negatives with both.
I can never really see my future, when I try to it’s like “Yeah, I’m already gone so..”
BUT when I plan on attempting, I realize I’ll miss the videos my favourite youtubers make
I’ll miss listening to new […]
It has been months and months in which I have been seriously contemplating whether or not I am depressed. Some days I will smile up at heaven (this not intended to start a religious battle, but for all educational purposes) and thank God for all he has done for me, however other days which seems to be a 70% time thing as opposed to a 30% time of the looking to heaven. I feel extremely stressed due to school, I am 16 years old have been taking classes since freshman year (now a junior) throughout the high school years with not a single summer break. […]
This has allways been the problem,i was born with it but never really showed tll later,that’s when the world came crashing down ,when even in the playground parents took kids i was playing with away,times i feel 21 going on 50,no because of inside but the outside an i would feel like walking off the bridge,an just sleep forever the pain away.why do people judge on looks an not what is inside? school was hard fighting every day,so at 13 i joined cadets ,i got a break finally ! an went to camp,thats where i met the girl of my dreams for the first time […]
Anyone ever had something terrible done to them? I did. Police, doctors counsellors. Everyone was concerned. I wasn’t. Was I suppose to? I was upset sure, but everyone assumed I was suicidal, depressed, I was crazy, I needed help. Putting words in my mouth. Sure I was depressed I still am and was way before this, and sure I’m suicidal but I’ve been for a long time. This changed nothing. Or I though it didn’t. It was funny the first few months I acted like nothing happened. Everyone was concerned, and I was neutral to the whole thing. It never hit me. But as months […]
I don’t know if anyone remembers my last post, titled numb. Basically i explained what happens when i go numb. I cut off all feeling, i am in a haze, it takes so much energy to pull out for 30 min. so i can act okay. But i sink deeper and deeper until i cut, and then i’m fine again. i haven’t cut since March, and I’ve been okay. Until now. I’m starting to fall again, and i don’t know why. The only person i can talk to is my friend Skye, because she the only person i know and trust at my new school. […]
I’m 19 now and have tried to kill myself twice already. I have thought about killing myself ever since I was a little kid. I’m fat, ugly, poor, smoke weed, can’t get a girlfriend and even when I had one she laughed at my small penis. I’ve had really bad self esteem issues since I was little, it has a lot to do with my stepdad. He used to tell me the only way to better myself was to hate myself to the point I have to change myself. He used to have me strip down and take pictures of my body so he could […]