I survived suicide 3 times. Â I made my first attempt when I was 18. Â It seemed like a logical choice at the time. Â I felt like there was no possibility of recovering from the all consuming pressures and stresses of life. I tried to hang myself with an electrical chord. Â The chord broke, and I woke up minutes later seizing on the ground and vomiting. Â I cleaned up and with my bruised neck I knew there was no way of hiding so I let my family know. Â I was sent to a facility for a bit where they forced me to eat and take drugs. […]
Tag:
Couch
So it is Sunday today, slept on the couch in the place I am now living.
The roomy kept coming out in the middle of the night to see if I was
going to go to my room to sleep, which I had no intention of doing ‘cuz
it is lonely in there and I prefered the distraction of the television.
I need to make it to Tuesday for the appointment to get my life back
on track. Then I will set another goal to buy myself a few more days of life.
Why do I need to “buy” or set a target to […]
So today I was actually feeling pretty good, then my dad came into my room and started calmly talking to me, then out of nowhere he started yelling at me because my clothes are on my couch and not in the closet that is in another room, and I’ve been putting my clothes here so that I wouldn’t have to go into another room every time I want to get dressed for a year now. So then my mom came into the room and my dad started yelling at her because she didn’t make sure that my clothes would be in the closet and she […]
My blood litters the bathroom floor;
Another fight with you,
Your up against the door,
Begging me not to do it,
Dont go away, you say,
Please stay.
I dont want to leave but I have to,
If I stay, one of us is sure to get hurt;
I hate seeing pain in your beautiful brown eyes,
So therefore I know it is me that has to die.
I’m leaving out the front door!
Your sitting on the couch,
Hoping for one last kiss,
But I know that if I give in now,
I wont be able to go,
You say ‘I love you babe’.
As one tear slowly runs down my face,
You say that we’ll get through this;
We alway do!
I love you babe!
I love you […]
I’m one of those ‘bad luck’ kind of girls. It’s easier to point to my LiveJournal, but I don’t know that it’s allowed since it’s adult-related. You can skip the story with this synopsis: I have  no family, my friends are in other states, my luck with men is horrible, I survived (if you really want to call it that) extreme childhood abuse that turned into finding jerks to replay it.
I spent several years of my teens homeless on the streets of Los Angeles dodging hookers, pimps, and all manner of foul person. I’ve never been arrested and got my stupid drug using years over […]
So, I’ve gone through a lot lately, I was enrolled to college out of high school, as are most people these days.
I was promised a job, a house, a roof over my head, and all the things that go a long with moving from one parent to another.
As soon as I made the journey from my Grandparents to my fathers, I knew something wasn’t right though.
The job my father had promised me, it never existed.
Even after not dropping a dime to child support for the last 18 years of my life, he still complained when there was another person under his roof.
The second I couldn’t […]
idk. so i can look at anyone oranything and instanttly feel peace around them..like they dont fear waking up in the moring terrified what will happen to them..i go shopping and when i see like bed covers i see them and say to myself “i can spend forever under those covers oh wait i cant-_- i face a demanding sister that never lets me sleep once shes awake or be in my room…i walk around and look in front of me but whats actually there isnt what i see. i see a vision of peace i can sit happily on the couch or walk around […]
He threw the trash can at her… I want him GONE. I was right there trying to shrink into the couch… I thought for sure he was gonna turn to me and try to strangle me…
Spent my Saturday night curled up in the foetal position, on a couch in the spare room, interrupted by the occasional self-inflicted punch in the head when it got too much. Sleep was elusive. What little sleep I did find was peppered with dreams, such as the one where a train was stopped at a railroad crossing and I decided to sit under the train and wait for it to move. Then, there was the one where I was back at school, only the HR Manager at my work was the Deputy Principal, and she said she was really worried about me. I had to […]
Alright so I don’t really know how to do this, but whatever.I’m just going to share my story. Last year I got into alcohol and drugs. I was drinking, smoking cigarettes, smoking weed, and huffing. I don’t know how to explain it. I just wasn’t me. Hanging out with the wrong people. One day at midnight, well, September 7th. It was officially the first day of school and I was dreading it. So, me and my friend took 8 triple c’s or cold cough pills. I knew nothing about it other than it would make me feel good. And I’ve always had problems with depression […]
Hello, this is my story.
Pre 5/5/2004 I was just a normal person, i had bipolar but i was diagnosed as a child and managed it with hardcore meditation my whole life. Other than that my life was normal. nothing traumatic ever happened to me. I never lost anyone. I was attending college. I had a beautiful girlfriend. I was smart, i had the whole world in front of me.
On the 5/5/2004 i woke up in my GF’s college house, it was cold and i was shivering. I rolled over and Jane was not there. I got up and saw here keys and phone on the […]
wells, today, actually every thursday in the summer means a break from my sisters’ demands, since she will be at a friends, but instead i decide to speed on my bike and flip right over it, now my legs is torn and it hurts just to stand this isnt much of a problem except i was supposed to hang with friends (rare, very rare) the one day i get out im forced to sit on the couch all day…grrrr this is fucked.
Woke up from a very disturbing nightmare, into this life that is a nightmare that i live in. Even with my daughter waking up beside me it still cant save me from the brutal reality. I live with my grandparents still,. my grandma has fibromialgia, depression, and barely talks to me, i hate her, im trying to watch Bella and shes sleeping on the couch, i asked her to move she wouldnt, said she wasnt like “sleep sleeping” lol *****. I fucking hate her, i know she heard me screaming this morning as i woke up, i seen her, she said nothing. Ill do it […]
I’ve lost someone to suicide. It’s the most enraging experience I’ve been through. There is always that little part of you that can never grieve or get over it, because they chose to end their life. It’s one of the most selfish acts I’ve ever know.
So then, how did I end up thinking about it? First objectively – I don’t want to die, don’t be stupid. I can just understand why some people feel it’s their only way out.
Then, less objectively – I still don’t want to die, per se. I just want to be someone else. I have no idea how I managed to […]
I stop, just as I opened the door to my home. I stop to look at the cracks on the walls, Like the gnarly veins of some geriatric hand. They a mere sign of age, of foreboding, some harbinger of ultimate failure. I smile and jar the door open. My home makes light of its name, There is no smell of baking bread, no fire place, No patter of claws along wooden floorboards. It is a room, my single bed lengths the right wall. Theres some other small items that sit in the remaining space, secondhand table and chains, a horrid couch spatters with paint, […]
it feels like i just cant grip on to life,i remember sitting there like it was just yesterday,sitting down rocking back and forth having my arms rapt tight around my stomic from such intence hunger pain, in a cold basement with concrete floor an unfinished ceiling were you could tie a rope around a pipe and the other end around your neck and hang yourself, like i tempted to at age 14,i had noone, they finally put a bed down there after 6 months of me sleeping either outside somewhere or inside on a filthy moldy couch that had holes in it and smelt like […]
my name is kat. i’m 17, and i’m on this site because I feel like..
I have nowhere to turn anymore. clinical depression never get easier. i’m so young, I have so much to live for. but, depression drains you. Emotionally and physically. I spend my days on the couch thinking. that’s all. just thinking. when you have all the time in the world, you get lost in your mind.
when your mind is as tired as mine, you go mad.
insane.
the medication makes no difference. what I need is support. i feel too weak to give myself enough the push I need to […]
i look like a normal girl. twenty years old, 5’4″, blue eyes, blonde hair, skinny. quiet. smart. funny. i play the piano. sometimes i read keats, and i like dipping vegetables in ranch dressing and my favorite dress is blue and slinky and soft.
but here’s a secret: i’m scared of cameras.
everywhere i go, i know they’re there, recording and tick-ticking. every time i’ve wanted to spend the day naked or steal a book or cheat on an exam, i’ve stopped myself because of the cameras. i feel guilty when i babysit for my friends, because i spend hours sitting on the couch watching TV after […]
I hate mondays. It’s the worst day in the week. After a good weekend, then you have to wake and meet early. I hate it !
I think I wanna skip school today. Lie all day on the couch and smoke some good weed.
What about you. What are you up to on this boring Monday?
I feel the darkness closing in…but I
like it! I find comfort in things others
fear. Have I only now realized I’m the
square peg trying to fit into that
round hole? I’ve participated in
“normal life”, but I always feel
out of place. This is something that
has been with me since I can
remember (I’ll be 31 on wed.) Always
nipping at my heals, but not taking a
full bite…until recently. I see a dark
room, lit only with the pale light of the
TV. Me laying on the couch in cold
silence. No one around…just me with
my ever racing thoughts…blood,
flesh […]