commit suicide. and throw myself hard on the concrete floor tilll my cheeks get crushed in pain and all my teeth fall out and my ugly plain eyes pop out of their skull. i’m to throw myself against the concrete or off a bridge till my head cracks open and all the rottenness comes out, cut my nipples off and attack myself with a machete before the devil takes me
Tag:
Cracks
I’m in college and I’m an engineering major. Â I have found engineering to be quite a difficult major and have almost failed a few classes. Â That being said, I have been accepted into a program that is for the elite of my school. Â I don’t belong there anymore and I want so much to remove myself from the program. Â In fact, I was going to gracefully do so in February, but someone found out before me and told all of my friends.
Sometimes, I wish I could just quit engineering, but I’m in love with it so much. Â I love physics and math even if I […]
I have so many cracks.. So many.. Cracks.., someone could poke me and I’d collapse.. Shatter me.. Collect me and let me go.., watch as my face begins to lose small pieces.. As bigger ones start to follow.. Bursting into the like kind of it’s siblings.. Just like tears falling to the floor.. But tears are shiny and whole.. Where as I’m broken and torn.. Ready to fall with tears.. Ready to splash and become something else.. Something free.. Something whole..
Do you see how broken I am now? How lonely.., lost.., and terrified I am? Can you see the pain in my eyes now? The cracks and scratches? Tell me.. Do you understand now? Do you care now? Do you regret your hurtful words now? Do you regret your doubts now? I was scared and I just wanted you to be there I just wanted you to care and understand and you doubted me.. Humiliated me.. Mocked me.. the scars are here and they cant be erased. So thanks. For making this bigger than it really was.. And thanks for putting me through all this.. […]
I’m not sure when or how it started. Just the feeling of cracking. Like when your windshield gets hit and cracks start to spider web out further. Another thing hits and the web cracks further. And then another and another until it just breaks completely. I thought about that windshield and how it must hurt, to have those cracks, to be hit so hard like that.
Now I realize that I am that windshield.
My mother cheated on my dad and left him for my (now) step-dad when I was 6. The divorce, which was messy and grisly, was finalized a year later. I had to watch […]
God I was feeling so good yesterday, and now it’s back to not being able to concentrate and having panic attacks non stop.
I’ll start at the beginning. A few months ago, my mum started getting really sick. At first she refused to admit it (she is a very proud person, and I guess I inherited it from her), but she eventually went to the doctor. Over the next couple of months, the doctor (and others he had brought in) couldn’t figure out if it was cancer or something less serious and therefore to this day haven’t diagnosed it. During this time, both my brother and I have […]
“My name is unimportant. I am neither male, nor female. My age has no relevance to my grief. Consider me a faceless representation of depression. An anonymous death seeker. A hopeless nobody.”
I’ve met someone. At this point in time I can’t decide whether it’s a blessing or a curse, a cure to my life-long battle with depression, or a catalyst. This someone is special. The way I feel when I’m with them is astonishing. I feel happy, and content with myself. I feel at ease. At peace. And when I am with them it feels like my troubles have slipped through my […]
I stop, just as I opened the door to my home. I stop to look at the cracks on the walls, Like the gnarly veins of some geriatric hand. They a mere sign of age, of foreboding, some harbinger of ultimate failure. I smile and jar the door open. My home makes light of its name, There is no smell of baking bread, no fire place, No patter of claws along wooden floorboards. It is a room, my single bed lengths the right wall. Theres some other small items that sit in the remaining space, secondhand table and chains, a horrid couch spatters with paint, […]
Another lonesome night spent lamenting unknowable if’s and but’s. The walls are coming down, crumbling, slight cracks snake up from the ground, chips of plaster abandon there post and tumble hard, downwards. I sit, watching, and the last shudders of life drift out to rejoin the ether.
I sit and smile, an effect distilled from the pleasure of both watching this event and feeling it. I am a pathetic husk of a human being, an irretrievably broken man, endlessly pestered by apathetic and cowardly thoughts, of means to escape my open cage. I am institutionalized, I fear.
A throbbing vein mocks me as I contemplate a sharp edge. […]
Glass is fragile
Never let it drop
You will try to pick up the pieces
And you will never stop
Even when you’re cut
And the blood starts to pour
You will continuously try to fix
What can’t be fixed anymore
You can try to put the pieces together
But you will still see the cracks
The glass is gone.
You will never get it back