Im a bisexual girl n i have a struggle with fitting in with society cause i dress in boy clothes n stuff. Just another struggle i have to face. People look at me n judge they don’t understand. They look at my cuts n judge me. They look at my skin. Im native and i get marginalized for all these things. I get pushed aside. I battle addiction cause i feel that getting fucked up is better than dealing with this fucked up world… You know what i like this site because everyone on here is open minded i like that. Â U guys are all […]
Tag:
cuts
I’m so tired. Just tired of all this crap lately. First off, I was starving myself yesterday and the day before- an attempt to diet because I’m fucking gross. I want all of my fat gone. All of it. I hate myself. I’m a gross, fat, ugly waste of space. I hate myself so damn much. You know what I’m really, really, really craving, though? Sweet release. Last week (I think), my blade was taken away, and I haven’t been able to cut. Cutting was my little escape. All the cuts on my arm are fading away, and I’m getting anxious about that, for some […]
The deeper I cut,
The more I cut deep.
Deeper and deeper I cut.Â
The more I cut,
The more often I cut,
More and more I cut.
The more scars I have,
The more fresh cuts come,
More and more fresh cuts come.
When there’s not enough blood,
I cut deeper and more,
Deeper and more I cut.
When my cuts stop bleeding,
My head starts spinning,
Slowly, slowly I die.
My eyes see blurry,
My eyes see nothing,
Nothing, nothing I see.
I lie down on the floor,
On the hard cold floor,
Cold, cold is the floor.
My heart pumps fast,
Not long will it last,
Fast, fast my heart beats.
My body feels heavy,
And then it feels light,
Up to […]
Yes I am a cutter it’s how I deal with certain major problems a few months ago my life was going great now it’s taken a turn for the wiser my emotions are like a land mine and it dosent take much to trigger them if you don’t know me by now I’m Jason or Day whichever you want to call me is fine. I have been suicidal at a very young age and it’s only gotten worse I have drank so many chemicals in attempts to a true release but all have failed I always end up throwing the chemicals back up i am […]
I cut because I want to feel. I want to feel the sting of the blade, and then you know how you’re arm feels limp and dead for a little? I enjoy that. I like running my fingers over my cuts, and feeling the bumps along the way down. I don’t cut my wrists; I cut my upper arm. My upper arm is like a journal now, telling stories of my pain, anxiety, and frustrations. I started cutting about a week ago, and I’ve already lost count of my cuts. I hate to say it, but you know when you read that some people get […]
I don’t know what to say, what to do, or who I should tell? Should I make a video? A post online? A note? Or should I simply disappear, leaving no explanation. If they cared enough they’d already know what the cause was. By now, I’m sure from the context of the title and the website I’m at you can conclude I’m talking about the big day.. the day I die. Or maybe I don’t die? Maybe I’m reborn. My god, if that’s the case I just want to live a happier life next time. Oh, and my deadline is in August. I don’t know exactly when […]
I’m so sick of you trying to fix me, i don’t need your help and i don’t want it. You doesn’t understand how much i already fucking hate myself and how i hate every single thing i do, how i act, look, speak, everything. AND YET you still fucking point out every little fucking imperfection. “stop laying down on your bed and using your laptop” “do something productive” “clean your room” “read a book” ” how are you going to get honour if you don’t work your ass off even though you’re just in grade 9 and nothing matters, but still work your ass of […]
i was really depressed almost 2 years ago. i would cry my eyes out every evening, and hope that the next cut would end everything. but that didn’t happen. i called that stage “sick” so if i talk about the times i was depressed, i would say:”when i was sick”. so a couple of weeks ago it was a casual morning, when this girl that used to be my best friend but now we both hate each other, came up to me and started yelling. than in class my teacher made me feel like shit, and worthless. i just kept my mouth shut. i actually […]
Little girls, little boys, crying in the corner why can’t you see?
the words written on your skin.
These the words that make you bleed.
they make it so no one wins or succeeds.
All alone in the world, that’s how you see.
that’s how it might be.
So sacred, you want to be left alone.
but it’s so addicting, the things we can create.
The words written, the words hidden.
under jeans and sweaters too big.
this is the life we live.
The cuts, the red lines so addicting
the days so stressful, and cruel
Parents screams, telling you what’s wrong with you.
our only escape, […]
Your heart so hard and cold
The tears I hold as you all laugh at me.
Others not moving an inch, standing where they may
Your words so filled with silly hate.
Your hate is jealousy in the purest form.
I smile and pretend that the words don’t cut like knives.
That I can’t hear the little whispers in the halls
I don’t understand what I did.
I just want it to end, I want it to end here and now
Your hate is your poison and you choking on it.
Every breath you take, hate
Every move you make, hate
Every look you give, and […]
That moment.
That feeling.
That place.
You can feel yourself…
Alone.
Hot water
Running down your
Face.
Washing away the pain
The hurt
The filth.
The water pressure
Against your back
The feeling of both
Relief and loneliness
Every memory from that day
Running through your mind
Greif in your body
Depressed
The water burning the cuts
That is fresh
Overwhelmed in the moment
A place to be alone.
So, it’s back. 8 yrs of pain. 4 years clean. 389 or something cuts. More are being added. It’s back. And it’s prolly gonna stay for equity a while.
Why? I had 6 people to go to.
1. Samantha. She is too busy with her life to bother with a cutters issues.
2. Rachael. She hardens me because a douchbag (the one that causes painful reminders) spread stuff around, and made her believe i am a liar.
3. Jessica. Hardly see her, and she’s too worn out to even notice my presence.
4. Brody. I see him in the day. But once schools out. . .
5. Josh. He has begun […]
Broken
You say you’re broken,
Unloved and unwanted.
You can’t be fixed,
And you are haunted.
What people say,
That is what cuts.
The words throw you off,
And you get stuck in the ruts.
Many say “I care”,
But few are sincere.
When you are broken,
U notice no one is here.
You wish yourself away,
Ready to give it a try.
U think u can’t stay,
That you need to die.
I reach out to you,
Saying sweet things,
I want to fix you,
I say that it stings.
I cut for others,
To get them to stop.
I am still clean,
Three years at top.
When I see someone unhappy,
It gives my heart great pain.
I want them to be happy,
And to smile again.
I will not stop,
I am […]
So once i had went to a aslyum for my cuts. I had met so many people had i saw past they cuts and burns they were beautiful with words and drawings and anything. But there was on that stood out the most. It was the first time ive ever seen someone with a huge deep slash on their throat. That person was always alone looking out the window like if he was waiting or just thinking. So i thought well let me see if i can talk to him. Everyone said he never talked so i thought well this is going to be difficult […]
Today my ‘father’ found out I was hospitalized three weeks ago. I had been keeping this from him because, honestly, I felt he didn’t deserve to know. A friend at the time had abused my trust, called the police on me, and I was sent to the hospital and kept there due to the fact I had cuts on my arm. Fresh cuts. I was put in therapy and am back on medication, which I am grateful for. I just wish the situation hadn’t panned out as it had.
I digress. He noticed I was talking about my medication online and he asked me what I […]
I feel so alone. It’s like IÂ have the perfect boyfriend, friends and family. So why do I consistently feel this urge to harm myself. It’s been 6 months since I’ve cut and smoked. So why do I still feel this way. Why can’t the thoughts disappear. I want it all to end. I don’t always want to cut myself. I want to stop being so tired and sad all the time. I hate it. I hate myself. I’m not skinny enough or pretty enough. I just want to feel okay again.
So I haven’t really been on lately, because of family issues so I got my laptop taken away and such. Well, I did this thing on instagram where it was a contest for the best recovery poem and I didn’t win *tears*. But here’s the poem I wrote for the contest. Hope you like it. (By the way, it got weird and turned from 1st person to 3rd. So I don’t really know what happened there .-.)
My tears fill the empty hole in the floor, As I say to myself – please no more. The blade lay silent on the bed, rusted and my blood […]
I’ve been through this before. I thought I was done feeling like this. When I was in sixth grade, I stayed up late to slit my wrists as soon as I heard my parents’ bedroom door close. I cried myself to sleep each and every night. I had a boyfriend and I knew he loved me. Or as close as love got in sixth grade. He was going through the same thing. Except he had and addiction to drugs. Whenever he cut, Â I would Too. I wanted to feel his pain. Maybe I thought it would cut his pain in half. I don’t know.
I continued […]
I started cutting my self yesterday and I have probably around 70 scars on my left arm, and I don’t know what to do. They’re not that deep, but seriously, 70 scars are insane for what seems like the equivalent of 35 hours.
I need help, but I just can’t do anything. If my psychiatrist or parents see this, I’ll get stuck in a mental hospital. If my “friends” see this, they’ll think I’m crazy and leave me. If my family sees this, they’ll tell the rest of my family and I’ll be labeled as insane. Cutting feels so good, I just can’t stop. And these […]
Today I started to cut. It feels like the right thing to do. I was going to do it on my arms but I decided to do it on my hip instead. The pain is bad but the cuts are good, though I feel like a mess. I keep shaking every time it think about self harm, it’s like the shakes you have when you’re cold, they’re hard to stop. My hip is badly hurting now. I’ve had racial comments made at me today. Some by my “friends’” boyfriend, but her and all her friends that were supposed to me my friends are sticking up […]