Let me apologize ahead for mispelled words and punctuation im not really caring about that shit and hope know one i know sees. Im also sorry if i upset anyone….k so im going to kinda just say how i ended up the way i am today. I was in shelter with my mother when i was born, my father was horrible to my mother he beat her cheated on her gave her chlamydia while pregnate with me. My mother chose to stay because i think she loved him and maybe was also scared to leave and be with me all on her own she had […]
Tag:
Cutting
Life is boring , boring life. why movies, games, anime/manga, & fantasy/imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
life is boring , boring life. why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Marvel / Marvels, Avengers, X-Men, Divergent / Insurgent , Star Wars, The […]
I love it when you
Curl your arms around my neck
And sink your teeth into my shoulder
And twist my heart to bloody ribbons
Snapping.
I love it when you
Kill me in every way possible
And suffocate me under your breathless thoughts
And line-dance across my skin
Crimson.
I love it when you
Press on me like a weight
And hollow me out like a hole
And twirl me along the edge of the roof
Dangling.
I love it when you
Whisper dark nothings into my ear
And make my heart beat faster
And kiss my hand goodbye
Fallen.
But I love it most when you
Leave me alone with the crowd
And hide yourself away somewhere lost
And forget about me
Please.
I hate it when […]
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life
by niki
written by niki
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life .. !
I am a 33 years old Asian guy, who used to have so many beautiful hope & dreams ,
and many people have told me that I’m a smart, multi talent , very creative, & wise person
but now the more I see this cursed world, people, humans beings, and this reality, the more I lose hope in humanity , losing hope in human beings, and also lose hope in myself & my future
you see ,.. Reality / real world / real […]
******TRIGGER WARNING for survivors of sexual abuse… And cutters and those who are suicidal… So everyone.
Dear Sick Bastard,
Yes you admitted to touching me, for kissing my 6 year old body. I am much older now and the physical memory of your hands stroking me passes through my tortured mind often. When I cut in every place you touched me I feel the shame and disgust again and again. When I bleed I feel the relief that is promised to me. You my prince my beloved uncle and I your little princess we played those roles so well didn’t we? Now my only respite is the […]
I can’t resist the temptation.
When I see the blood come out from where I cut, I seem to become lost in a trance. I become fascinated. It’s inciting. I can’t resist the temptation to draw more blood. It’s as if as the blood represents all my negative emotions, and is it pours out, my negative emotions are slowly cleansed. The temptation is too great. It makes me happy. The emotion that I thought I’d lost. Call me crazy, but I love it.
Also I don’t really want anyone to tell me not to cut, to go distract myself, go talk to someone. I have done all […]
The title is courtesy to the song by Linkin Park.
Moving on though. Does anyone else cut just to see their blood? I mean I cut for the pain, I cut to feel again when I feel absolutely nothing, and sometimes I cut to focus on the physical pain rather than the emotional. Lately though I’ve been cutting to simply see my blood.
I want to cut deep enough so that blood drips down my arm, kindve like how you see in the movies. Except I can never get myself to bleed that much. Oh well, there’s still something fascinating about seeing your blood come out, the […]
Here I lay at 3am still trying to fall asleep.
The thoughts of suicide keep flooding into my mind. Prying at the walls of my skull. Screaming in my ears and telling me to kill myself. Though, I’ve tried it a few times. But my world never seemed to end.
Drink bleach; I’m rushed to the hospital.
Overdose; my body refused.
Climb to the top of a building; I’m afraid of heights.
People tell me that God put me here for a reason. But prove to me that this God exists and that he put me here for a reason. I am suffering in this madness. If this God supposedly […]
Is it weird that I don’t want to stop cutting? Like it’s been a part of me for four years. When I tried to throw my razors away I literally cried. I feel as if I deserve everything I do to myself. Like cutting isn’t a cry for help or a cry for attention. Cutting is just a coping method or a punishment in a way. It’s hard to explain. It’s just so confusing and ughhhhh.
okay so I’m new around here so I’m going to introduce myself, I’m 14 and suicidal. I weigh 110lbs and I’m 5’3. I started self harming about 6 months ago but it started off very rarely however now I cut everyday, sometimes even twice or thrice a day. I think it’s safe to say that I hate myself and everyone around me does too.
I have friends but I feel like they just kind of tolerate me but don’t actually like me. My parents are both highly educated and my brother is super smart – he recently did his GCSEs and got 10 A*. My parents […]
Life is empty & meaningless, without any/no purpose, Life is boring, empty! There is no meaning of life! fuck life, fuck reality !
by niki
written by niki
Life is empty & meaningless, without any/no purpose, Life is boring, empty! There is no meaning of life! fuck life, fuck reality !
The more I grow up & learn after all these 32 years of my life, sadly, the more I feel hopeless especially for humanity / our humans species!
MAJORITY of people / humans beings / humanity are so damn shallow, superficial, vain, ignorant, stupid, fake, dirty, liars, etc etc.
I used to have so much HOPE for humanity , but now the hope is dwindling until it’s almost none !!
MOST people are sadly only concerned with vain, shallow, mundane “daily-life” & little […]
Today..
Today I decided I would throw away my blade and try and get clean for a friend.
I promised him a long time ago I would stop cutting, I never fulfilled my promise to him.
Today I decided this time I am going to try and stop cutting for him…..again
I am going to try and get better, and not let the crushing thoughts at 2 a.m get to me
I will be clean of self harm scars again
I will try and win this fight, instead of letting it suffocate me
i feel really shitty lately… I don’t know why i hang out with douchbags. i hate the fact that I have fake friends, judgmental parents, stressful teachers,and people who brake your heart around me.
I need to stop this.
Cutting. Not eating. Sleep deprived.
I need to snap out of it. But how?
I need your help, please help me. I need you.
I. Need. You.
Life is not fair / unfair. there is always winners & losers. I’m a loser, so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
by niki
written by niki
Life is not fair.
Life is unfair.
there is always winners & losers.
there will always be winner & loser.
so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
rather than they keep living chasing & fixing all their way too many losses, which is probably too late anyway too.
and usually losers can’t win / can never win against winners anyway .. even the “start” is already too late!!
This is the harsh truth / fact / reality .
Reality / Real life / Real world is very LIMITING / LIMITED in what we can & can’t do !
We are limited by money […]
Imagination better than reality? Why Imagination is better than reality? Why is Imagination better than reality?
by niki
written by niki
Why Imagination is better than reality?
Why is Imagination better than reality?
Why is fantasy better than reality? Why fantasy is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Interstellar, etc etc, they are much more interesting, full of POSSIBILITIES & varieties / variations, and better than reality / BORING reality […]
Your voice was the only thing that could calm me down. When I was on the bathroom floor with a bottle of pills and a cold blade in my hand, you were there. You called me and just hearing your voice made me relax and breath. You changed me but you left. I have no idea who i am anymore or what my purpose is. Im lost without you by my side. I cry everyday at the thought that i wont be hearing your voice before i fall asleep. I wont be hearing your voice when i wake up. I wont be getting any sweet […]
NOTE: This is my personal story. Thoughts about antidepressants were from a slanted point of view of life at the time, and actually I’ve gained a little knowledge in how they actually help people. Trigger warning: this details pretty explicitly my first foray into self injury, as well as fragmented memories as they came about during this time of my life. I don’t appreciate glorifying suicide, and I intend to keep writing my experience on here as a hopeful path to something better than the urge to end it all. It’s disjointed, but it gets my point across how I want it to be.
In Vitro–2007
Ice […]
Wrists of Schist
The secrets I keep,
circle my mind.
Every night,
Never confined.
Like a whispered song,
In a loop that won’t end.
Going and going
‘til it all seems to blend.
the people I’ve hurt.
the torture, the damage.
all of it I wish,
I wish it would vanish
But the pain is too much.
It shows on my wrists.
Seeping out with the blood,
Looking like a schist
Then hiding another secret,
Yet again, another lie.
More cuts, more excuses,
But never do I cry
And each night I still lie there
With the secrets, the thoughts
In hopes of forgetting
The pain that I’ve got
But the pain is still there.
The guilt in my heart
Being etched in it’s stone
Will it tear me apart?
I have a past of self-harming – usually just to bring me pain, not to kill myself. This past year I have pierced myself 16 times. 14 ear piercings and at the moment I am getting Dahlia piercings. I noticed that during the times I’d go into my bathroom and puncture my skin, I would be extremely upset.
Am I self-harming?
I’ve been wanting to kill myself ever since I was 10. That’s a little over three years now all that has changed is that I actually tried it four times so far.
So, I am a boy. I grew up with my mom who is really sentimental and everything so I feel like I got a lot of that emotional site. I am not strong and always felt like it separated me from the other boys. I always had more girl friends, but that’s mostly also because I am not really into soccer/football and all the boys always only wanted to play that on the school […]