So I was watching this show called “Long Island Medium”. It’s a reality show about a psychic medium who helps people talk to their deceased loved ones. I watch it because it reassures me that there is life after death. Tonight I found myself getting angry and resentful. All these people mourning their precious dead. “I was Daddy’s little girl” or “my mom was my best friend”. I felt like smashing the tv thinking “poor thing, your parents (or whoever) actually loved you.” I felt no compassion for these sobbing people at all. I used to be a compassionate person but I have […]
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Daddy
I am tired, ive struggled for many years now, through chronic pain and major depression. I became distant from my partner and now i have lost her, we have been separated for the last year, and while i love her with all my heart i know we can never be together again,
my regret will be leaving my little girls, but i know watching there Daddy slowly decline will be worse for them, i only have one wish, and that is to hope they will know that daddy will love them forever, and i will always be with them, i only have a week or two […]
“not good enough. Not pretty enough. Not fit enough.”
It echoes it echoes it echoes
Unwanted, unloved, and alone
You’re sick, you’re dying, and you’re cold
The smell of another doctors office
And another face like stone
The sound of machines buzzing
And you wonder why he didn’t show
Daddy, don’t you care
To know if your little girl will live
Why were you never there?
From sad beginning to bitter end
Mom, you tried your best
You’ll always be my best friend
But I guess I failed the test
It’s time for my greatest sin
Bang
Test the gun
Bang
One more time
A bullet for […]
I am done. Tired. I’ve tried DBT. I’ve tried & i’m tired. I love Scott!! I can’t tell him that though. I dream about him & wish he was in my life, other than being my therapist who I can’t & cannot appease. So, I’ve decided that death will finally take me, as I’ve always felt it would. You see, I have no friends. I can’t & don’t keep them. This world sucks!!! All you see is hate & killing. People who think they are owed, who don’t shoot for the moon themselves. They just want everything handed to them. So, my Suicide is planned […]
Betrayal!
I was 6 years old when it happened
It felt like the end,
When you betrayed us
To mum’s best friend.
At the start she was just a nail lady,
Then we started having tea,
I was never really fond of her,
She did always charge a high fee.
But then she met you
This was when I knew she was bad
She took a liking to you,
My so called loving Dad.
It then developed to sleepovers
With her in a fold out bed,
One time I came out and saw you
Under her quilt that was red.
Then there was the year of the teen formal
Im kinda hesitant in posting this… I was raped by my father when I was 7 years old. I still remember the blood that was everywhere after he finished his thrill… What kinda person does that to his little girl, over and over again? I am now 25 years old. and I cant seem to get over this… I literally feel like screaming all the time. I am trapped inside an adult body. All I can ever think about is suicide. I dont want to live with the memories of something so horrible.
My dad was a crackhead. He’d allow his drunk/ high GROWN men to […]
It’s crazy to think that for 17 years the man I call daddy isn’t even my biological father. You both claim you weren’t trying to hide it or lie to me but honestly I could care less what you say. You did lie. You hid it from me. You hid him from me. The man I call daddy doesn’t have my blood in his veins. It all makes sense though, why the postcards were never signed “Daddy or Dad” but instead with his first and last name. I was little so I never noticed. It shouldn’t have been such a shock, all the clues and […]
You know, I’m really sick
of people judging me
and thinking they know
who I am.
Just one
quick
little
glance
and an eternal
stamp
laces my soul.
Bi. Sex. U. Al.
You can say it.
I won’t mind.
My hand is as comfortable
in a girl’s
as it is
in a man’s.
My lips do know the touch
of a female
and they longed for another.
So what?
I’m not a SLUT.
I’m not a WHORE.
I’m not ‘undecided’
or just ‘confused’.
And they wonder why I
don’t believe
in their
God.
We were created in his image-
correct?
So then why does this
happen:
“Don’t tell the others,
but Daddy loves
you
the best.”
Is that who you worship?
“I love all my children
equally-
except for you.
You’re going to Hell.”
So here I go
with the homos
and the murderers
the thieves
the harlots
the liars
and in a way I […]
You keep saying that you want a relationship with me and Jordi, but the thing is you ruined your relationship with us when you put Jodie before us.
You say that it kills you to not have a relationship with us but how do you think it makes us feel to know that we never have/ will be Daddy’s little princess.
You once said you would do anything for us, but you forget that it was your decision to marry her that made it that you lost us.
If you didn’t let her keep trying to weave her way into our relationship then you might […]
“Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter? They say I’m better off now than I ever was..”
Dear Mom and Daddy,
You won’t ever read this because if I wanted you to then I would be writing this on paper and mailing to you to get a week from now. I’ve played over in my head a million times how to say all of this to you and I still don’t know how, but let me ask you something..
Did it ever occur to you that I’m not better!? That I’m not okay, in reality I’m worse than ever, and I’ve just gotten a […]