In him she found answers she was looking for, so she stopped asking questions. In her, he found fire and freedom. They walked to the edge and she jumped, without looking, into the deep blue. He stopped, he paused, and decided that falling was not worth the risk of landing to hard. She floated there for a while, but with no one there to help her swim the waves will eventually wash her away. He starts to apologize, “I wish” but she dams up his words with her hands and her eyes, “don’t.” He tries to fix things and make her smile, but wounded waters […]
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deep
I have always been a failure. For most of my life I have been successful at convincing others that I have things together and know where I’m trying to go and what I’m trying to do, but I have never known. Any successes I have had have stemmed purely from luck and circumstance and any situations that I have been deprived of either of these has led to certain failure and a complete inability to function like a human being. And in many of those circumstances where I did get lucky, I was either discovered a fraud or imploded the situation myself out of fear […]
I… What do i want? What exactly is it that would like to do or pursue? I had the full complete chance of running away, but i stayed. I stayed because i knew what i wanted to seek can be sought anywhere and my running away, in that regard, is a hypocritical move. But now that i’ve stayed, even my seeking seems to have stopped. I couldn’t imagine my life without seeking, and now I’m living it. Or am i? I think deep down i still do crave for seeking. How to get fulfillment? What is it that will fulfill me? There must be something, […]
So I meet him. I can’t say it was love at first sight, but since the first time I saw him I was atracted. He has that “something”. I was in a few relationships in the past, but with him everything was so different. It was scary. We started knowing each other, talking everyday, telling each other how much we wanted to be near. Because being with him was like living a dream, like talking to the only person that sees your soul. My lips won’t kiss anybody the way they kissed him. I’m sure I’m made for him. But then, at the time I […]
I don’t come to this site often but I’m really down right now and contemplating ending it.
I’m tired of feeling and thinking of death so much. I can’t do this another year. I can’t change no matter what because 1.) I don’t want to because nothing outside will change and 2.) I’m just in too deep.
I didn’t even buy anyone christmas gifts because I’m a terrible person – I just want to spend my money on what I’ll kill myself with.
sorry if this brought someone down. I just feel lonely.
I have no more tolerance for the suicidal. Suicide is for cowards. It is for those who don’t want to take the hard path of confronting their fears. It is the combination of selfish interests and narcissistic self pity. It is the belief that you cannot possibly make the world a better place without feeling good. It is the dirty secret festered in incognito tabs on our devices and in private looming thoughts and plans. It is lazy and presumptuous- it expects love and attention without making the effort to dish it out to others in need. It is a liar that goads you affectionately […]
My fiance (if I can even call him that anymore) has resorted to lying about where he goes. Then I only find out when he gets random texts from people thanking him for stopping by on his way home and he asks me to check his phone for him. Not only that, I don’t like the way he talks to his female coworkers, but he doesn’t find it a problem and has called me “retarded” for being jealous and hurt. I’ve been with him for so long. It’s not a thing that lasted a year or two, or even four. Much longer than that. He […]
Why did this happen to me? Why did I fall so deep into this dark hole which engulfs my spirit? Why does this hole block out love, peace, and happiness? Why must I feel such hatred and anger towards others? I could ask “why” millions of times, but i won’t get an answer. I’ve tried for years, trying to find an answer. My mom told me to pray as a kid, that God would answer all my questions. Well where was God when I needed him in my darkest hours? In the hours I held a gun to my head, or popped a few pills. […]
I guess it all started when I was a little kid. My parents fighting all the time and me being present when they did, it made me feel kind of sad, why did they fight? Was it because of me? And the answer was yes, or at least to me it was and it still is. I don’t blame them though, because that’s how they dealt with their problem (me) and now I deal mine with self-harm.
First time I cut was when I as about 11 years old and I did it because my dad had been yelling at me for a lot of things. […]
Life is death, death is life, there’s no life without death. Life is useless, life is worthless, life is not needed, at least not for me, life is a beautiful promess that can’t no be keep, life is a fairytale, life fed us up with bullshit, life makes us work our ass off for what, maybe something but at one point what will happen it will all go away, life tels you that itself is beautiful, but deep inside life is so ugly, life won’t last, all those things you’ve work for won’t last you won’t last and what will happen nothing, you’ll just go […]
I have a block deep in my mind.
Not as simple as to describe as a writers block or an artists block.
No.
This block is much different. It cannot be fixed by just walking away and coming back later.
My block is purely mental.
I cannot feel happiness.
Now let me make something clear. It’s not that I do not wat to feel happiness. It’s that I physically cannot.
It feels like I am empty. Like someone has ripped my heart and lungs out.
I am drowning in myself.
And I dont think there is any escape.
Someone save me.
I’ve been fighting this for years. Trying to be happy in spite of it all. It’s always worse in the morning. Feelings I’m sure you know all too well.. Such an intense mixture of negative emotions, feeling hopeless and hurt. Every morning I wake up to suicidal urges. My family keeps me from it. I cry when I imagine the pain I’d leave behind. So I carry on. Not so much living, but existing. I try to live, but how can I? Happiness seems like a myth. And yet I continue to reach for it. But the most frightening thing is that I think, deep […]
The cuts aren’t even that deep. They bleed a little and i wipe away the blood. They’re not that big nor that small. The cuts don’t hurt they just sting. It feels like I have poured alcohol over my cuts, that’s how bad it has started to sting. I guess I deserve the stinging because I cut myself.
can’t cut. made a promise. not that he’d find out. bars. captured. trapped. prison. burn my skin. bubbling. blistering. open. exclamations. under my breath. laughing. you asking. why. makes me better. the panic attacks. stop. fade. breathing. meditation. calming. focusing. on the pain. think it’s stupid. don’t want me to do it. again. scarred. regret. not now. not then.
self-mutilation. punishment. feeling. don’t have time for that shit. oblivious. addicting. no deep. well rehearsed. reason. i need it. simple fact. if i don’t have that. hold it all in. bottle it up. no outlet. nothing. no way to deal. handle. cope. heard that’s unhealthy. and my […]
At some point in life, you have to take a deep breath and think twice. You have to put aside all the things that made you cry, and look at the brighter things in life. Like going home to love and support, instead of going hold to a homeless shelter because you’re poor. But always be thankful for the life that you’re livin, because you could’ve been just another abortion. Sometimes we don’t see a reason for livin’, because we are raped, abused, and mistreated. So we cut, do drugs, and become suicidal , for some of us the voices in our head can make […]
Depression hits you hard in the face its like a hard slap. However hard you try to not let it get you down it still will and it will drag you harder and faster down that deep black hole, people will tell you how easy it is to get you out the hole and that life gets better but ive been a good person yet still nothing good has came my way im just gonna be alone all my life and no one should give a shit because im not a person anyone should waste their time on i just need to leave this awful […]
Hello, I am 15. I am suicidal, I guess. I don’t want to die, but I know I should. I feel the need deep within me. Basicly, I’m gonna spare the details. I am a liar. A big one. I lie about everything. Whether it be how I’m feeling, or what I’m doing, or my life as a whole. These fantasys I create, make me seem interesting. They make me feel like my life isn’t just a drop in the ocean. Ie: I have made up a story about how I used to drink alot, and sleep around. Which is only parcially true. I’ve had […]
truth can only be self evident
so truth can never be impartial
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Matchbox-Twenty-20-Busted-HQ-w-Lyrics-from-YouTube.mp3
when you keep this at the forfront of your mind at all times,
you can cope with being abandoned……….this is a possibility,
an obtainable thought process…….that i havent quite walked up to yet
this is sour, just a deep well of emotion
i dont like thinking about it
every time i come here it suprises me still
how much it has taken
how much it still takes
i dont know if it was the passive way in which she gave up on me,
or how easily she did it that bothers […]
What is wrong with these people who bring kids into this world… reading some of these posts and seeing that many of us have to broadcast online for help or to express ourselves, when in actual fact they probably have family that can help and encourage… the worst and most painful thing ive been reading is when kids are telling their parents that they are depressed, and they respond in denial… yet when their kids do take their lives they play the guilt game and say if only I had known, wow I didnt understand they were in such deep pain. Oh if only I […]
I wish this world was the same world it used to be. Back then, everybody was allowed to be happy, now, I rarely see anyone truly happy.
I am one of the people that are not truly happy. I don’t even pretend to be happy anymore. I go through my days in a haze of sorrow. People always ask me what’s wrong, pretending that they care. I always lie and say I’m just tired. My boyfriend doesn’t really know about anything that goes on with me.
My family deeply hates me, because I am different from the rest of the kids. I have one real friend, and she doesn’t […]