whats the use if you cant even cry on their shoulder…
anyways, my demons are getting overwhelming and im waiting to just stop cutting like a ***** and TERRORIZE my fucking wrist…
Tag:
Demons
the little bitchass demons that come along with my voices keep staring at me with that •-• face and give me teeth grinding, fist clenching, head pounding, random pains…its hard to explain…it hurts…and im tired…and pain is one of the most misused words on this site…jus sayin…
he always keeps me up waiting, says he`ll text me, but hhe never does…it feels like someone took my heart and shredded it…he always says he loves me on fb…but never in person…he dosent love me…he never wil…
～♪
Save me
But I don’t trust you
Save me
But do I care?
Miles deep is my sea
Filled with hopeless confusion,
Invisible demons,
Dancing to their own wicked tune.
Or at least, that’s how it seems.
I could never begin to describe it to you
This hell, this pain,
Depression so unrelenting
I want nothing of this world,
It wants nothing of me
It’s only demand.. is truly so simple
To live. To love. To breathe
So why does the thought bring tears to my eyes?
Why does the sunrise make me weep?
You say its all worth it in the end
Just try your best to […]
A couple of days ago I believed today would be the day to get this done, finally, once and for all, no more hand-wringing, no more excuses. I was prepared to deal with the dreaded pain I knew it would take to do the deed. But wouldn’t you know it, the time frame when my will was the strongest my plans were thwarted because I didn’t get to be alone like I needed to be to carry out my plan. Of late it is almost comical how bad my luck has been!!!!!!!!!! Obviously I know I just have to bide my time and wait for […]
Nothing’s the matter,
I swear I’m alright..
This pain’s just a phase
Like drinking and cutting,
Feeling absolutely nothing..
Like a storm, the winds will pass
And the rain will turn to shine
And life will seem worth living
Days will be more enduring
You said everything would be alright
I’ve screamed before
A splendid tantrum fitting of my age
And I did everything to tell you
Of the demons that I face
But you just looked so confused
And said they’d go away..
And I was dragged from the house
Shouting into the night
You just wouldn’t stop crying
Till I told you I was […]
I fuked up. About a year and a half ago I became addicted to painkillers I’ve been on suboxone for the past 6 month’s my wife found the suboxone pills about 4 months ago so I came clean and she left me and took my 1yr old daughter with her and is using my past drug problem against me to get custody and prevent me from regularly seeing my daughter I also got caught shoplifting about a month ago and during my addiction I used my corporate credit card for work to take cash advances to pay for my pills work found out fired me […]
When someone thinks about a suicidal person they think of a person who walks around sad and depressed all the time… This wasn’t me. I was the loud, confident one. The essentail “life of the party” type kid. I was a people magnet people liked to be around me… But if they knew the daily war i had with myself i wonder if things would be different… I’ve had suicide in the back of my head for a while but if you saw me in public you’d swear it was the furthest thing in my head. I found it easier to play the role of […]
This was just me fiddling around with the word “and”. Then it turned into a kind of poetic narrative I think. Well, tell me what you think.
And the skies of her mind darkened
And her world became night
But she had always loved the night
Until it came for her mind
And the ink of soul bled across the divide
Between herself and her fears
Accepting the demons into her heart
And those demons ate her heart
And replaced it with a rotting hunk of flesh
That had once been Hope
But now dwells only for pain
And slowly she dissolved
Imploded and burned
And […]
Hi.. you know my other posts, yeah, them…. well they are  not true, i lie. I do this because i have a sick twisted demented little mind for a bi-sexaul 11 year old boy. Yes, you did read it right, I am 100% Bi-sexual, don’t like it?? Yeah well neither do I. I hate my sexuality. You know deathbug, well it’s funny really because we are so alike, we made sick twisted lying stories that made you fall bad for us, so i would again like to say sorry to all of the people on this site, especially U.N Owen and Holly. I don’t know […]
The old me held on to hatred
The new me holds on to love
The old me would hurt others on a whim
The new me tries to help others whenever possible
The old me hated the world
The new me loves the world
The old me embraced the Darkness
The new me embraces the Light
The old me signed a contract with the Devil
The new me has given himself to Life
The old me thought that he was a god
The new me knows that he is a servant
The old me was a masochist
The new me is an optimistÂ
The old […]
I guess I should start from the beginning. My name is Sunshine. Well not really, but its an alias. I don’t care if my punctuation is that great either. I have been there. Maybe my life hasn’t been as bad as a lot of people, but I am fighting my own demons. I have always felt like an outsider. I have a list of things wrong with me. I don’t currently take any medication for anything either. I have attempted suicide as well as have cut in the past. I still get very depressed every so often. And I don’t like talking about it because […]
Of those victims that have been sex-abused, the thought of your own body just piece of meat.
Wishing to die, trying your best to detach mind from what that is, a body of filth but with worth to ravish.
Body that young is then out finding guys to ascertain if still a value left there of that pathetic meat, but all that to be found will just be disappointing, if not inviting downrightly another force-entry.
Being young should be fun enjoying school years innocently, but often have to find being called sluts.
As if already there an atmosphere of lust (if not gloomy) stamped on the […]
All I want to hear from you is that I’m nothing to you. I want to hear you say that you don’t feel anything towards me, instead of being so damn afraid to talk about it. Just get it out there so that I can hate you instead of being so in love that it hurts all the time. Let me move on from you, that’s all I want.
And I want to tell you that you saved me, that you’re the only person who could’ve saved me, and that I would’ve been roadkill if you hadn’t forced me into your car. You don’t even know […]
I thought I had beaten the bad thoughts, but apparently not. They’re back. Again… They’re back, they’re stronger than ever and I’m too tired to face them. I really wish people could know how many times I’ve fought this off…. How many times all I could think of was not waking up again. How many times I’ve drafted the same letter, trying to find the right words to explain to the people I love why I had to leave them. And each time, I get closer… The letter is now 11 pages long. It is placed in the right place to be found by the […]
I wear upon myself a suite
A cloak, disguise to hide the truth
where fragile broken pieces lay
Of which I find myself today
I lay inside a maze of lies
in which I’ve told to keep disguised
the truth that hides behind the man
is not who they all think I am
the maze I’ve built in self defence
has now become a life sentence
its filled with demons kept inside
of all the things that I despise
there is no way to hear my plea
in which I wish to be set free
instead I get, eternity
With the troubles that I hide
My […]
I’ve written about this before but I feel the need to write about it again. When I’m depressed I’m happy.
Let me explain…
Today for the first time in awhile I wasn’t depressed at all. I haven’t been on any antidepressants for two days and all of a sudden I can breathe. I’m tempted to start taking them again so I get worse. When I’m depressed people worry about me. It’s the only time I know they actually care about and love me. They take care of me so I don’t have to. I guess too that I’m so familiar with sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, hatefulness, shame, guilt […]
I’ve had about a week of feeling completely robotic. Â I just keep doing things to distract myself from my own head. Â It’s seems as though as long as my hands are occupied, my brain is going to stay quiet. Â But I have to go to bed eventually, I need to sleep. Â I have so much time to myself. Â I like being by myself, but the thoughts are hard to control.
I had a bad day a couple days back from this one (worse than the usual bad), and I let loose for the first time in a long time. Â I cut 26 times, all in places […]
They dont know how badly i want to die. I’m suffocating. Every day is a battle. I think about how easy it is for me to just overdose or cut to deep. dont want to feel pain anymore.I dont want to be stuck here. I can’t do this anymore. I just want someone to notive how much I’m hurting. It hurts so deeply its a struggle to breathe.i cut to take away the pain for awhile. But when it’s this bad i cant do anything. I’m a basket case. I hate it here. I just want to be free of myself. I am […]
I suffer from PTSD which creates overwhelming anxiety. I can not stand people in general for tho they pretend to care in reality they do not. a more fair description might be that they care so long as its conveinent. some of the experences that have led to my PTSD include but are not limited to being in a tornado, haveing been on fire twice, watching the person next to me in junior high murdered durring class, being stabbed, constant mental and physical abuse as a child, and most recently listening to my mother shoot herself in the head while talking to me on the […]
My heart is breaking. i cannot do this anymore. i’m just a shell of who i was, im no longer there, so why do you try to keep me here, when it’s not me anymore? my demons have overpowered me, the voices in my head have overpowered me, and the people have too….
i cannot keep living this way, i will not survive the physical and emotion pain anymore. im sick off this. i cant keep living. it hurts to wake up in the morning. i wish i could be strong like him, but i cant. It hurts to breathe. I wish […]