I feel worthless, like all of what I once was has disappeared..
I was clever, creative, pretty, and a good person but now I feel like I am useless at everything (so I am reminded) and just a smudge on the world that must be erased. I didn’t think I deserved all of this but it has come..
I miss my old self…the old self that I can vaguely remember.
I have kept all my emotions and darkest secrets to myself, but now all those emotions and secrets are weighing me down one at a time being placed onto my back, I honestly just want […]
Tag:
Depression
Suicidal and Depressed:
How I Feel…
Over the years I have tried everything for help: psychotherapy, antidepressants, mental hospitals, religion, meditation, vitamins, exercise, subliminal tapes…
I am now hit with the worst depression of my life. I am hanging on to life by a thread. The suicidal thoughts are excruciating, lethal, overwhelming.
I know there is nothing anyone could say that will change how I feel inside. I am angry and tired of struggling to stay alive day after day. The pain of living is unbearable. I have made up my mind, in no uncertain terms, that if I can not find a real, life […]
I’m not feeling good recently.. please allow me to share my current situation for you to read:
I feel like a failure, confused, and that nothing I’m doing is ever good (especially to my parents’ eyes).
What will you do in that situation?
especially when I’m 28 yrs old, and I’m still living with my parents, now still jobless (funnily because of my own stubborn idealism of getting out from the 7-years work you hate), still single (where you’re traditionally expected to already got married at 26, and now already have a baby), and constantly getting nagged and asked and even […]
…knowing that this so-called Real Life/world can never match up your super uber vivid imaginations, fantasy, dreams at night, and also your feelings.
To put it bluntly in other words, this so-called “Real Life/world” sometimes (or often?) doesn’t seem to allow much creativity, imaginations, and high-sensitive feelings.
It can in fact only requires you to be the aggressive, smooth-talking, and most importantly business/money/profit-driven or oriented.
So for the creative or ‘feeling’ type of persons/individuals, it can really seem like a hell lot of dull, bland, boring, “same ol’ same ol” stuff keep REPEATING from a day to another day, which can really at most extreme drives […]
I feel utterly alone in this world of misery. I just want to say that it would be nice if someone here could support me and talk to me?
I know i sound pathetic,
but hey its worth trying!
I see hope for my future, but its really lonely with no one supporting my depression. not my parents, not my twin, and ill say it, i have no friends.
14 years old trapped in miserable california.
just a girl trying to be different, but in trying to be different i need support. and no, this is not an invite to creepers. just people who understand […]
It would take hundreds of pages to try and explain everything leading up to what happened at about 10PM, November 7th, 2010 so I think I’ll try to summarize what had been going on in my life.
Ok, so I’m technically a College freshman since, even though I’ve done the whole college thing through Running Start and am considered Junior status, I still have never lived hundreds of miles away from home at a school.
Anyway, for the past year and I half I’ve been off and on dating this amazing, wonderful guy. Then, at the end of the very first week of classes, Friday (and more […]
So, what is this Life really all about (a new perspective that might *helps*)
by niki
written by niki
So by now, I’m sure many (if not all) of you must have been wondering: with all these shits and fuck-ups happening in my life, what is then really the Purpose of my Life?? And I mean, fuck, what is Life really all about??
(it’s funny, strange, and yet still an unexplored *mystery* in itself of why we humans can at one point always seem to ask about this ‘big’ question, especially when we’re in our lowest point in Life. It makes you think & ponder deeply, despite that “Life goes on”).
How about this: Life on this Planet (& Universe, for that matter) is only […]
“In a world of inhumane reality, it is the only humane sanctuary left. That is dream” ~ Paprika (a 2006 sci-fi anime)
Reality is fucking harsh.
We, as pure normal human beings, would certainly want to get better in Life, and always seem to have HOPE (without Hope, we might as well not live, ‘cuz we would just be simply *existing*, a madness soulless shell indeed!).
But ‘unfortunately’ (though this word itself is arguable), REALITY just simply IS. It’s harsh, ‘cold’, in the context that it simply doesn’t *care* much of whether we will cry, or wail, or scream our voices to the sky,..Reality will simply be […]
for those of you who are struggling with your current damn society or country or government
by niki
written by niki
I know it’s probably easier said than done,
but lately, after seeing similar threads all seem to pointing especially towards the fucking corrupt unright inhumane things U.S government and “the feds” etc seem to do to some of you here that literally make u almost gone insane and losing ur humanity quality, I feel like want to say: screw U.S.
ur life doesn’t have to be fixated in that one damn country that seems to extort innocent good people nowadays. I say fuck it, if it’s really being that greedy wolves predating and sucking out every bit of ur money. You deserve better.
I say, gather […]
Hello! I just want to say that right now i feel like the worlds loneliest person. I have no real friends, and I’m so insecure about myself that I didn’t even go outside today to mow the damn lawn. Let me start from the beginning as to why I’m so upset though. My life was fine and dandy up until the age of ten. When I was ten my dad died and I was closest to him. He was the smartest person I ever knew and he got into Georgetown University at 16, graduated, and went to work for one of the top law firms […]
This so-called “real-world†is too dull and uninspiring and even obnoxious to my very vivid imaginations and dreams.
Human beings -the Earth’s “oh-so-special” species- largely is stupid and moronic, not even that, but they’re also largely ignorant, and then escape to religions and shits like that for “feel good”, “everything is alright”. No it’s not, dumbasses. Until when you all want to play this obnoxious ignorance game? oh sure, ’till our planet and what’s actually really ESSENTIAL for Earth’s life is destroyed to ashes? then I pray for the End of the World to come fast, because I just fucking hate humanity and its obnoxiousness.
Everybody […]
Society nowadays seems to push each of us to become Machine, not Human who stop and FEEL?
by niki
written by niki
Although nowadays I rarely actively post in this wonderful website anymore, yet I still often follow and observe many posts here. Some have become a bit of spamming, which is so unfortunate IMHO, but I am glad that there are still some sincere, honest, human-heartfelt posts here I’ve noticed.
And of all these sincere, honest heartfelt posts, I’ve eventually noticed, and learned, that there’s really one common tread that if I may summarize it in one short phrase, it is this: It seems really ironic that nowadays we may have forgot about being Human, and instead become more like a Machine. Not asking (with empathy) […]
I have released my book on my struggles with suicide here http://kingsdaughters21.blogspot.com/p/hopes-journey.html
It has been a miserable 40 years, I do not want to sound like I am whining, but it really has.
There has been the normal bad things in my life like everyone else death, teenage angst, job, fighting, family and friends etc that emphasizes the feelings of wanting to die, but even when happy, the thoughts of suicide are still there.
All my life I have tried everything to hold onto that little voice telling me that everything would get better. It has not.
Good days or bad I still have feelings of ending it all. I have read that everyone has feelings of suicide at […]
After so many things that have been said, and happening in this wonderfully eye-opening site,
I’ve ever gone to do more researches online on some proofs of consciousness does exist and goes on..
And some of the findings are surprisingly make sense a lot.
Here I’ll list some of them:
“The simple truth is that WE are all 5D spiritual Beings temporarily within a 3D physical body!..When our 3D body dies, spiritual us, our consciousness, then moves back to the world of Spirit, our true *home* sometimes known as *Heaven* (which has many different levels), and to our limited 3D eyesight 5D spirits are invisible, as […]
Sometimes I do wonder if the ‘System’ is just WAY too strong for any of us here to ‘bend’, or to NOT to work under it..
What if you don’t care what ur parents, society think, just do what u really want to do?
What if you just move out to a more peaceful remote village, if you *really* want some Peace?
What if, you just go google (the beauty of Internet era these days!) those like-minded groups, and just go join them, regardless of what people close to you WILL be thinking of you (ie: screw them!? they’re usually ‘selfish’ anyway in-a-sense, as you’ve known it) ?
You are feeling suicidal because you have MORE (potentials) than what ‘normal’ people have!
by niki
written by niki
I’ve given some thoughts about this very carefully.
And I’ve come to a conclusion:
Those of us who feel suicidal here is probably because either we’re a:
– Highly Sensitive
– Highly Creative
– or Highly Intelligent kind of people
– or the combination of both three above!
I am not saying this to brag or anything, but the more I observe & give attention to the people’s story and also thorough human’s history, the more it becomes very clear & obvious to me that MOST people who are suicidal can belong into those three categories above..in other words, they can see more things than what […]
If you’ve ever thought of suicide or even know someone who has, YOU MUST WATCH THIS VIDEO! Hope it encourages you 🙂
http://www.helium.com/debates/280516-is-the-world-getting-better-or-worse-with-each-generation/side_by_side?page=2
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060704195516AAnrdOD
(read especially the “Best Answer” on the top)
So really,..the question then becomes: Is the world getting better or worse, all a matter of seeing and *choosing* to view half-empty glass, or half-full glass?
It’s really a matter of perspective? and how you’re *using* it to keep continuing, or *stop* and give up?..
And finally, what do you think about this post:
“that bit about suicide struck me though… the universe presents us with challenges for us to learn from them. suicide is just saying, “i don’t want to learn now”. you’ll still have to eventually though. folks who believe that the end of your body […]