as long as i chudd remember my mom was on drugs. wen she was high on pills me nd my sister picking her uhp off dha floor nd putting her on dha bed, making shure she ate, nd giving her a bath became a every day routine. we were young, very young nd we had to run behind our mom like a toddler. our dad wasnt going to do iht nor was our brothers, he had a enough wit her popping pills nd being selfish. me nd my sister was too bhuh our love for our mom was so much dhatt iht chuddnt let us leave her der. […]
Anxiety, depression, Bulimia Nervosa and cronically alone.
After seeking treatment for Comorbid major depressive disorder and Bulimia Nervosa I though I would change and consequently my life would change. Reality is a whole lot different. I constantly have suicidal thoughts, high levels on anxiety and extremely low moods.
I find my self in the grips of yet another bad Bulimia time. On a good night I eat dinner once and loose it once, on a bad night I might eat 3 and loose 3. I do it not to be thin but to ease the anxiety and stress and as an avenue for self harm. I am […]
Sometimes I wish I was normal but that’s never going to happen. Life is supposed to get better but I doubt that. All I feel is numbness and it’s better than the pain I felt before. The only thing stopping me from going through with suicide is my best friends wouldn’t be able to handle my death well. My mom stopped caring about me a long time ago but my dad would go crazy without me with him. I refuse to live for myself, I only live for them, although I don’t care about myself, I care too much about others to put them through […]
I’ve always wanted to die, ever since I was a child, I have no idea why. When I was a child and I believed in god, I prayed not to wake up the next day. And yet, I had a normal childhood. It seems that I have a tendency towards depression. Well, the years have passed and I imagined killing myself in so many ways that I can’t even remember them all. Now I’m all alone but I’m fine with loneliness, in fact, I think I want to be alone. I’m sick and tired of this crazy world and all the people, I want a […]
I am the third and youngest child in my family. My eldest brother David has never been nice to me no matter how hard I have tried, and recently he told me I am no longer his sister. My other brother Timothy was born with brain damage and got all of the attention from my parents. I was always ignored and my parents never realised I have had depression for a very long time. Even now that I have been diagnosed, they still don’t believe me. Of course it’s okay for my brother David to be depressed but not me.
My so called friends were never […]
I have hated myself since I can remember. I always thought I was worthless. I remember looking at myself in the mirror when I was 5 and thinking ‘I hope my face changes and looks better when I grow up’. I’ve never fit in with anyone and I cry a lot. I feel like my body is a prison and I would do anything to be free. Suicidal thoughts take control of my life when I am on a low. I can’t get rid of them. I’ve had these thoughts since I was 10 years old. I battle myself constantly and it’s exhausting. Only my […]
The depression break downs I seem to experience are coming back more and more this week. Yesterday I was just so depressed I couldnt pull myself up. I got up to take my medicine and ended up just laying in the floor. It just felt like it wasnt worth getting up to survive. My fight with my dad is getting no better. Hes still choosing his wife/ex-wife (its complicated) over me. My mom keeps saying Karma comes around..he`ll regret it when hes older. Thats not good enough to me. I dont want to wait. I want him in my life now. Its just frustrating
As much as […]
funny thins is…the guys..gals…we in the people in tis website….seem to be highly intelligent people…we tend to be self aware….but how come…or why is it that we feel this way….or maybe are driven to this manner of depression by outisde factors….is it maybe that we are worse than others that we absorb their bullying…or is it maybe that they know that we are better and that we end up getting bullied because they know we are better…or is it just plain dumb luck that we get treated illfully and end up being in a depressed state….maybe thats it…after several years of mental brutality by the […]
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you […]
Ive been trying to get help from my so called friends for so long but its useless. Im pretty sure I just lost one by telling her about being suicidal. She told me she couldnt take the stress I was giving her and that I was burdening her with my depression. I have like three friends now and I feel horrible for messing up someone’s life with my problems. I dont get it, I thought when you needed help you were supposed to be able to ask your friends for it. So here I am in my downward spiral with its ever increasing slope, I […]
I just let my two friends read my first post. They both showed me that maybe there is hope for me. N o I am not cured from this disese but they will make it better. They try to give me anti depressants and I have stop taking them cause they do no good. I have so much depression and my friends relize this and want to be there for me. I feel good knowing someone is there to be with me whn I am crying non stop.I hope that nothing ever happens to tthem. I would fall aoart and would definatly not be here […]
Ok so hey evyrbody what’s up?
So sorry i haven’t posted in almost 2 years and in some ways i am glad i ‘am still here.For the record i’ve tryed to kill myself several times so far in my life and i am still here so yea you can make in through some depressing times but< i don’t want anybody to try it as many times as i have so far but propley won’t try again……..we’ll mabe for a long time.i still think about it 24.7 but do what i can to advoid thouses thoughts.
I’am 21 now.so yes i drink now and go to bars.my 21st […]
So yeah, it’s been quite a while since i last posted here, almost a year i think. Still alive.
Mum found out about my addiction ’cause i told her, she was helpful the first 2 days but then she just starting yelling at me and threatening me and shit, that’s what i fucking need when i try and quit pills and when i have so much anxiety i’m shaking, along with some depression. fucking great.
can’t find a job either, so that’s fun
EDIT: a couple or a few weeks ago i was almost kidnapped, then the next week i got beat up, this week i […]
This feeling of emptiness is swallowing me whole. My depression is getting worse and now the thoughts are taking hold in my mind, they are forming ideas and shaping into reality.
I hate these feelings. I see suicide as a relief. Something that would take the pressure out from my stupid life and give me a sense of comfort. I want to be relieved. I want to disappear. I want to die.
I can’t say i haven’t tried i am currently being treated for depression i self harm unfortunately i don’t blog this kind of thing to the world but now as i write this i’m thinking of where to i go from here and whats my next step in life to be honest im not entirely sure myself doesn’t it seem worth it when i think about it all there is is getting a job marriage , then divorce kids and die anyways . I’m not sure about living a life that means that . i’m thinking of suicide but i cant bare to see my […]
i cant do it
i cant love you
i cant…
i cant….
you always said i CAN.
i COULD.
but i couldent.
i never could.
you were dragged to prison.
two years later jail.
because of her.
she LIED!
how could you have loved her?!
i visit you all the time
i have nothing to say.
if i said whats really “up”,
it would be this:
hey uncle tom! yeah i have been cutting myself, making nooses, trying to drown and suffocate myself, posting things on a website called fucking suicide project, and whining about my depression! hows your time going?
but i cant.
it has been SEVEN YEARS!!!!
I miss you, is all i can say.
Recently me and my girlfriend of 1 year and almost 8 months broke up. When we first broke up i wanted to kill myself, i couldnt think of a reason to get out of bed. I didnt move for 2 days.
Now i feel like things are somewhat getting better. I am up out of bed, and i am talking to her again. I’m regaining hope.
All i want in my life is her. She is the most beautiful girl ever to me. But without her i have fallen into a depression. I dont feel hungry or thirsty, i havent a real meal in about 5 days, […]
Fairly sure that I’ll kill myself tomorrow. Why not today? Why not now? Don’t know. Just want to do it on a Saturday.
It’s been ten years (-ish) and nothing has even dented my depression. Not talk therapy, not drugs, not exercise, not eating better…nothing.
Stick a fork in me, cause I’m done.
I feel like that again. Like all I can do is cry. And be depressed. And hate myself. My tears feel like razor blades. My heart aches. Yet again, I’m not who I seem to be. I’m empty. I’m scared… I want to be gone, so no one has to deal with the pathetic excuse for a person that I am. And so I can be done with this. Disgust is the only thing I see in myself. I’m the one who made myself like this. And there is no way to fix me. I depend on pills to keep me alive, to numb my […]
tomorrows my moms birthday and while i can say i will smile and be happy on the outside thats only part of the truth but ill be crying on the inside. I havent decided if im ready to die yet ecspecially since i never seem to get it right I know if i really was ready id go to the bridge and jump off. I guess im at the point were i still do want help even though no help has been the right help. My therapist i feel like i havent talked to her in years. The last two times i saw her once […]