I am the third and youngest child in my family. My eldest brother David has never been nice to me no matter how hard I have tried, and recently he told me I am no longer his sister. My other brother Timothy was born with brain damage and got all of the attention from my parents. I was always ignored and my parents never realised I have had depression for a very long time. Even now that I have been diagnosed, they still don’t believe me. Of course it’s okay for my brother David to be depressed but not me.
My so called friends were never nice to me at all and now I don’t have any friends at all except for pen pals whom I write to all around the world. I got so sick of my real friends being nasty that I cannot reach out to anyone outside penpalling. Pen pals are generally non-judgemental, except for this horrible German girl called Anke who sent me a really nasty letter but she was never a real friend at all. Some of my pen pals I feel really close to which is great, but I wish I could find someone closer to connect with.
I have been working at the same place for over 11 years but my boss will soon retire. He isn’t that nice to me either and makes me feel like I am the worst office worker he has ever had. What chance do I have in getting another job? It seems that you aren’t important unless you have a job, although others think you aren’t important unless you have children. I don’t have children but I support two children overseas in third world countries. Does that still make me less of a person because I haven’t had children of my own? My mother has criticised me because I am not married nor do I have children of my own.
Ever since I was a young teenager I have hated myself and have wished I was dead. I don’t know what is wrong with me but no one seems to like me. I think I’m a nice person though. For a very long time I have known that I was an accident; my parents didn’t want to have another child until two years after I was born.
My life has sucked for a very long time. People say that it will get better but it never does. I believe in God but he must really hate me for me to be feeling this way. I’m 36, and life has sucked since I was 4. I just seem to be a waste of space. My heart aches when I hear about needless abortions or people dying who were actually loved, unlike me. I don’t know why I am here on Earth when others weren’t given the chance, or died before their time. I have tried to fit in but I never have.
I wish I was never born, and I’m sorry that I was.