That’s what it has felt like for a while. Like I’m just lingering in this fucking limbo where I know I’m tired of living, I know I only hurt people and disappoint them and make their lives more difficult. I am really just 21 years of promise culminating into failure. My own boyfriend is kind of sick of me, even. I can tell. I don’t talk about this stuff with him because he doesn’t deserve the burden. Though I guess it’s hard to hide it when you get depressed (I am not diagnosed, my twin brother is; I have too much shame to see a […]
I just really don’t know what to do anymore. It’s harder for me to think now, there’s just some kind of block in my mind. I stare off into space for long periods of time without realizing it, and when i snap out of it, i don’t remember what i was looking at, what i thought about during that time, or how long i was like that. Every time i imagine how life would be different if certain things changed, i break down. i break down a lot. i stopped being able to write well. it’s almost summer now, and im terrified because last year […]
For the past few months, I’ve been lonely and depressed. I’ve wanted to kill myself. And I know this might sound stupid, but when my mom said I could go to a Justin Bieber concert with my friends, I found a reason to live.
Yeah, who wants to live for a Justin Bieber concert? Some might think he’s stupid or gay, but for me, when I hear something that’s going to come out soon from him, it just seems like a sign to continue living.
I’m not sure how long my happiness will last, I’ll still stay depressed most likely, but now I’ve made two goals. These […]
Once again, I am back from the hospital for suicidal thoughts and depression… Yippy. Just what I want, right? Wrong. I wish that I didn’t have to come back to school… I hate it here…. Anywaysssss I was there also for my anger. I have a terrible temper and I needed to get that under control also, but mostly, I was there for my depression… I tried to OD yesterday also and tried to cut open my arms. Sounds great, doesn’t it? God, why can’t I just be happy…? Even if it’s for a minute. Why?
snippets from a journal I write, to try and not spill all this into my personal life and job; better on paper, and better left where some will agree and sympathize.
This is the modern world — if you are over 45 and out of work, you cannot expect a good job or a salary that is more than basic sustenance. There will be no retirement, no golden years, no health care, no public assistance. By not having amassed wealth, I became of no value to this country. I am miserable about the state of this country, half the citizens clamoring for more breaks for the […]
What does it mean to show emotion. I guess different thigs to different people. I don’t show my emotion. More or less reunited with my best friend- do excited, yet acted normally. First day of job- awesome and am glad to be growing up, smiles and says was cool. Girlfriend yells at friend girl for being to friendly-terribly distraught, nods and agrees with girlfriend. Text friend to apologize for girls actions and she doesn’t want to associate with me at all- hurt, says I whatever.
I’m not different. But I feel alone. I know I’m not. I can’t show my depression I can only feel it. […]
I’m in a place I have been sine I was 11, I am broken inside friends and family say get help I have but it didn’t really help its basically for people who can talk problems out and somehow be cured. I hurt I’m heartbroken I have been on a downward spiral for so long I no longer know what complete happiness is. I no longer have friends to turn to since a year ago I had overdosed. I feel so alone they say turn nto God but I do have God but that hasn’t helped me either I can’t find peace I feel myself […]
I know that i’m not the only one in the world that is lonely…especially on this site. I know that there are other problems that are more serious than lonliness and depression, but i just want to encourage the lonely souls out there cause lonliness is what i relate to the most. I want to let you know that you aren’t all completely alone. I dont know…things will get better. I promise. Dont think youre the only one staring at those pills or reaching for something that cuts. Today was a good day for me..a great day..and…idk I guess what i’m trying to say is that if […]
That’s a quote from one of my all time favourite novels, Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut. I have plans to get the book’s mantra, ‘so it goes’, tattooed somewhere on my body.
Which, is kind of at odds with posting on a suicide website, isn’t it?
I don’t actually know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if I’m depressed – I’ve never gone to a doctor or a counseller. I think about suicide on a near-daily basis; not in some abstract way, but with regards to methodologies, and having a suicide note on my laptop which I regularly update to correspond with the messages I want […]
🙂 you see that? Thats my face. All day. Every day. I put it on in the morning and it only varies a little. I hold everything in. Keep it away from my friends. They dont need to be worried. Because as time comes to show, once people know what face truly lies behind the lies they freak out and send you out to the hospital for a month again. So fuck it. I’ll just push it all back, then let it all out through my wrist at night. So far it’s worked alright. I’m doing just fine. Or so I say. I can even […]
I’m a 24 year old man who has had breasts (gynecomastia) since I was 10.
My health has been slowly deteriorating and have many un-diagnosed health problems.
I’ll probably be dead by 30 due to these ‘natural’ causes.
I was born into poverty to foolish parents and no family support.
At this point in life, I tend to focus on the negatives in every person and thing.
My depression makes me want to help others who are also feeling depressed because I know how horrible it is.
Your life is valuable, so don’t throw it away when you can use it to help other people, which is the purpose of […]
I can’t stop thinking about him. I really can’t control it anymore. To be in love with a person who is partly responsible for the biggest and ugliest scar on my hand, the other part is me. I know the world is laughing at me along with him but i can’t stop.
I tried to hate him instead but after couple of days he would do something nice, just a small gesture and i would forgive him and pretend we are starting all over again as friends. I am aware of all the lies, his twisted personality, and self-destruction. I also know he doesn’t give a […]
Im tired n going to fix that someday, if you know what pain is i can promise you that the pain i have is on a level so high that no painkillers helps, o nice…
I just dont want to wake up tomorrow, i just dont want to do that.
In my eyes life isnt worth living in anymore, there havent been a painfree day in my head since 1983 after a car crash, i died in that crash but somehow they got me back, my biggest misstake in life. Took over a year to learn to walk again after this accident.
Got a job […]
hey everyone …..xx
hope you are all well .. <——- that question is so fckn annoying dontcha think .. = of course we are not well dumbass !!
well i know im not – i dont know what to do .. im so lost – numb – sick of my life !… im so scared im confused ..
today ive not really been in touch with reality to be honest – ive not even got washed or dressed – TRAMP ALERT !
I don’t understand how all these little things can hold me back. Make me feel afraid. Too afraid to actually go through anything, and I all can manage is to hurt myself.
She’s one of the reasons why I’m holding on. She makes me feel so happy when I’m with her, and whenever I talk to her, I just end up smiling. I forget the rest of the world and I just want to be with her, always talking, somehow always communicating. Cause she’s one of my lifelines making me stay here.
The endless possibilities. The curiosity of what life will be like if I stick through […]
Okay, one more time, I am going to try to go the Professional route. Too much seething anger when the depression fades, I am beating my appliances and slamming doors and just having too many impulses to tear my hair out or beat my own face. Did a lot of face slapping and strangling Monday and Tuesday. Roller coastering from numbness to anger to depression. Having to bite my lip hard not to say insulting things to co workers and get fired. Knowing this is crazy and useless and wrong isn’t helping. Gonna take one more stab at prescription help. Wish me luck
There have been several good episodes in my life, but as I look back I realize that the good ones would last just for a little while and the worst ones go on for years or will be there for the rest of my life.
A little more than 8 years ago I had a terrible car crash – I should be grateful about having survived with almost no injuries, but sometimes I wish I had died instantly instead because even prior to that I was a lonely freak and later on everything just got worse and worse.
So then I went to university and slipped deeper […]
It’s true: hurt people hurt people. I’ve never walked around rejecting others while genuinely in a happy state. On the other hand, when I hurt, I hurt those around me; not always intentionally or maliciously. It’s more of a”too stuck in my head to deal with anyone else” kind of hurting. Sometimes, it manifests itself in the form of quickly rejecting the presence of those around me so I can not-soon-enough resume my isolation. The chiming in of anyone else is dismissed as nothing short of a threatening disturbance.
I normally stave off the constant “get me out of here” feeling through substances or the validating […]
Everyone just works their asses during Jr. High and High School so the can get good grades and go to college. Then once they’re in college, everyone works their asses off so they can get good grades and graduate and get a good job. Then everyone works their fucking asses off in their jobs so they can make money. Then once they have money they buy a big house but they can never come home to it, can they? That’s right because they’re too busy working their asses off to afford that house and cleaning ladies and putting their kids through school even though their […]
I might have to kill myself tonight.
Everything just fucking fell apart on me,
I have no idea what to do about it.
I died inside and no one is here to help me through this.
I’m afraid I won’t succeed and I’ll end up somewhere in the psych ward.
I’m so afraid.
Life sucks so bad right now,
I’m so sick of this right now.
My friends leave me out all the time and I feel so left out all the time.
I can’t do this anymore. Really, I can’t.
I just feel awful all the time.
Depression is eating me up. Bad.