🙂 you see that? Thats my face. All day. Every day. I put it on in the morning and it only varies a little. I hold everything in. Keep it away from my friends. They dont need to be worried. Because as time comes to show, once people know what face truly lies behind the lies they freak out and send you out to the hospital for a month again. So fuck it. I’ll just push it all back, then let it all out through my wrist at night. So far it’s worked alright. I’m doing just fine. Or so I say. I can even fool myself with my sarcasm today! What’s true and what’s fake? Who cares anyway? Because 2 years from now I’ll be in a grave or in a cave hiding from my past mistakes. The things I’ve done can’t be overrun by any amount of good deeds. So why bother trying? I won’t. I’ll put my face on, and lie till I die. And so I doth sleep with that same motto I keep. Lie till you die. Never never cry, because one day you’ll fly to the abyss where youll stay, and all will be ok because your mind will be naught but ash.
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That was a bitchin read. I liked it! I feel totally like you said.
I read in the Survivor to Thriver manual (ASCA) that abused children act very smiling and pleasant as adults because they were abused so badly. I could never stop smiling, because if I did, poeple would get scared and they would run and hide or I would get into a lot of fights, some close to death. Really, if I didn’t act pleasant in front of my baby boomer parents, I got beat to hell.
Today, I have to smile every day or else people would be scared and run from me, not want to work with me.
I continue to smile so the weak and poor and unfortunate do not get scared. They didn’t have a chance, so I forgive them, and I forget.