maybe it’s alcohol or maybe I’m riding a mania. Both ways it doesn’t matter I decided to give my self another chance before I end it all. I will try to find love within again after being dead inside for long time. Nothing really matters since we are going to die someday aight? Fuck depression and fuck all the mental diseases all together nobody deserve it and I won’t wish it for my most hated enemies. I will stick to SP and try to help as much as possible I love u all
Tag:
deserve
Rock Bottom. It’s more of a home to me now than ever before. I come and go from this place. I never leave it permanently. I end up messing things up all the time anyhow. I don’t feel anything. I feel sick. I feel like the energy is slowly dying in me. I can’t go to anyone anymore. I annoy them with my constant complaints. They have better things to do. Lately, days seem longer and the sleep seems short. I’ve been here before. I know every pain and feeling that comes with being here again. I can never get used to it. I always […]
I’m so tired of being alive. But it’s like I don’t even belong in death. Like I could never deserve such a privilege. I’m stuck, in between life and death and no matter how exhausted I am, I just seem to go on like a curse inside of me. I just want to lay down, crash and never wake up. But every single morning, my eyes open and my conscious never stops murmuring words here and there. So many years have passed now but it’s all so confusing to me, cause my memories are all a blurry haze and I keep forgetting to dislike the […]
so it’s my first time here…I struggle with depression quite a lot and since a lot of time…it doesn’t even matter whether everything is right or wrong…the episodes just come randomly…
I get into the self destruct mode…I will do anything to harm myself and my relationships with people.
I am tired! Right now I feel I do not deserve to live as I only bring in problems for everyone….
i feel very very empty my happiness is leaving me i can feel it happening. i want peace i want death but im so afraid. i know im going to hell. ive had two dreams about me dying and going to hell and it was horrible but i know hell it a lot worse. but im slowly getting ready to experience it because it is where i belong. but i dont want to die yet because this is the only chance that i get at living and i have a lot that i want to do yet im so tired. i want peace. i want […]
Hey guys sorry I haven’t been writing on here in a while. My junior year of college started a few weeks ago. This past weekend was rough 2nd E.R. visit in two months ( both for different reasons), feeling shitty, Accidentally cut my foot open when I bumped into a glass candle while shopping at bath and body works. The bottom end of it landed on my left foot broken part down. Thank goodness it only left a small scar on my foot, ended up being betrayed by a friend at church that I thought I could trust. Now I keep seeing photos and statuses […]
A few years ago I discovered that I liked girls as much as I liked boys. It was kind of earth shattering at the time because I was part of a family that was completely against the “gay agenda” as they called it. I know it’s the same old song and dance. My family doesn’t understand me- blah blah blah. I was really worried about telling any of them. I figured I would tell them if I actually had a girlfriend or something. No big deal.
I did meet someone that very year. The first girl I was really interested in. She ended up making some […]
I fully give up in finding housing. There’s absolutely no place for me in this world. I’m completely fucking useless and a throw away of society with a computer degree, (almost) film degree, and IQ of 137. It all means nothing. Homeless and transgender, physical disabilities and failing health due to homelessness and lack of sleep. No one gives a fuck and there is no help. No one wants to live with someone obese. No one wants to live with someone over the age of 30. No one will rent to someone with bad credit. No one will rent to someone who’s background check produces […]
I was living a fairly happy life. Had been depressed for more than a year, but i recovered from it. Bought a house found a wonderfull girlfriend, en been living together with her and two beautiful cats. One happy family right? Well, 2 weeks ago i messed everything up by sleeping with some girl who seduced me into having sex with her without a condom because she was “tested and safe”. Turns out she wasnt tested for herpes, which resulted in me having it too now. The thing about genital herpes is that it never goes Away. The virus slumbers sometimes but i will have […]
I have the worst life story ever ,All of my life I was alone and depressed I used to cry a lot and I have cut my self in the age of 13 ,I am now 20 but still feeling so alone and worthless ,My life changed when I’ve finished High school and it became better .. but after the first semester of university so many problems came to me at once ,and I’ve met bad people that made my life a living hell ,Felt in love with the wrong person .. and he broke my heart in the worst ways .. and in the […]
my body shakes and i cry. he didnt deserve the way i treated him, i hurt everyone around me. i push people awy but he never left he always stayed by my side untill the day i broke him. I’ve never seen so much pain on someones face, and im just now getting upset over it. all it took was one look at his photo and i completely lost it. it doesnt help that i see him almost everyday. my chest hurts, everything hurts.
I’m staring at the new cut on my upper arm, and I’m numb. I’ve just finished writing a text so someone I thought I could trust, who chose a guy over my friendship, and I’m numb. I just dropped one of my courses, because I couldn’t handle a full-time course load, and I’m numb. Maybe I’ll never feel again. Or maybe tonight will be the night, and I won’t have to worry about the fact that my SSI will be there and gone on the 1st. Well, really, either way I’d never feel again. I think I’m out of […]
There’s no walking out. We talked about the fiery deepest pits of hell. But even above here is also a fiery hell.
I don’t need to open the score anymore. I don’t need to study anymore. Or watch the news. Or take up any examination. It won’t make a difference. The end is crystal clear.
When you said my life would be in the dumps, I didn’t think you were serious.
So that is why my mother never put much hope in me. This life is a mess, and no amount of investment will change it.
That house, this house, that room, this room. It’s […]
Have you ever asked yourself, “when would suicide be the right thing to do?” What line needs to be crossed before killing oneself is justified? And once one finds justification for killing oneself, what possible future is there for them if they can’t? This is where I am. Struggling in vain to find a way to end it. Too cowardly to do anything painful, too selfish to give up wanting. I don’t want to die, I just deserve to. I’m not finding a way to cope. The world would be a better place without me. Everyone with whom I come into contact ultimately ends up […]
Just found this site and I need to rant. I’m a 19 year old male and I have nothing to live for. My close friends have left the state so I have pretty much no one anymore. I just lost another girl. Another girl who was raped. I’ve only had two girlfriends. The first ones brother raped her and took her virginity and she FORGAVE him. I’ll never understand how victims let that go. My cousin and my mom were also raped, so you could say it’s something I take seriously. I want them dead. But when I tell these girls that, somehow I’m overreacting. […]
If there’s a punishment in the afterlife for suicide, don’t you think one would deserve it at least until people forgive the suicidal one? I don’t believe with certainty that there’s even an afterlife but you never know. The only thing I’m almost sure of is that there’s no eternal “hell” because there’s so many factors that go into one’s life that It’s not fair to punish you eternally for what you did in a short lifetime. I believe in God for some reason. Also, NDE’s and even science are beginning to support a theory of an afterlife.
Someone please tell me why after all I’ve been through, after all the measures I’ve taken to make sure I never wound up back there again, why am I back there again? Why am I losing everything that has ever mattered to me in a matter of less than two weeks? Why does it seem he doesn’t love me anymore, even though two weeks ago, we got engaged? Why do I feel as if nobody cares for me anymore? Why am I slipping back into the place of just wanting to die and end my life, and nobody would care anyway? I know it’s a […]
Lately I’ve just been feeling like a shell of the person I used to be. After you’ve been talked down to by nearly all the people you look up to, all the people you called friends, and people that don’t even know you, it starts to weigh down on you. Back in 2010, I lost someone very close to me to suicide. I began my freshman year very lost. I let my grades slip and became extremely recluse. My social anxiety sky rocketed. Like, I couldn’t even ask the teacher questions. That continued all 4 years of high school. I failed nearly all of my […]
I don’t use this shit really but in the past week or so shits been really fucked and I just want to write this all down somewhere because it’s all bottled up in my head. For the past two years nothing anybody says or does to me affects me. Whether it’s good or bad I’m indifferent. I’ve heard it all. If someone told me I should kill myself it wouldn’t affect me because I’ll be doing just that soon enough, and there’s nothing that could change my mind about killing myself. Nothing anyone can do or say that will make me suddenly think living is […]
” I’m sorry i cheated on you and used you” “it’s okay”
” I’m sorry that i verbally abused you” “it’s okay”
” I’m sorry i physically abused you” […]