I am trying to find the guts to cut myself tonight. I have never done it but thought about it often. I am scared of the pain but feel like I need a release.
Tag:
done
If I truly wanted to kill myself I think I would have done it by now. It has been on my mind for years now, but I just keep lying to myself that things will get better. I am constantly fixing one problem in my life just for another to arise. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am out of options.
thank you my friends at sp, for a most wonderful day. this is the best i have felt in a month, and i attribute it to you. you give me hope (damnit, whispers, lol). all of you have shown me many things, but most importantley, you have shown me i can love. again. for those of you who dont know my story, thats a big thing. it finalley started snowing here (lol, i know tm) i walked to the store for a coke and smokes,giggling and laughing. why? all i could think about was three moons. come my friend lets dance in the snow,make a […]
Haven’t gotten out of my bed all day today, only to use the restroom, but that’s it. Haven’t eaten all day, and I’ve been up since 6 a.m. trying to lose weight. I’m fat. I cut myself Tuesday and Wednesday and its not healed yet, usually I’ll have a scab, but I guess I cut myself deeper than usual cause the wounds still open. It sucks i have to hide it from my dad an step mom. I don’t know I’m in a weird place, been thinking this whole time while I’ve been in my room. If I killed myself right now, no one would […]
Okay so we have broke up its been a week and a bit and did we just spend the night together? you in my arms, feeling your heartbeat on my chest stroking your cheek, your neck, you. Why do I let this happen to us? I don’t know how you feel but I feel nothing just frozen in place remembering how we kissed and how soft your face was. I need to know was there any feeling? I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For anyone who has seen a psychiatrist, therapist, etc, what have they done for you? Does it really make you feel that much better? Or do you have to go on meds to feel any different?
I don’t know how to love you anymore. I wish I could have known I was going to fall in love with you when I met you then I would have done you a favor and left you alone. I had the lowest expectations for you FOR US. I thought this would have ended with failure , just a fling of failure that’s all I wanted. But now it just time to say goodbye we’ve given this try and maybe sometimes that’s all that matters. But I’m going so freaking crazy that the word crazy doesn’t even fit the description of how I feel. You […]
I lived alone with my brothers while my parents are living outside of country for 5 years. I miss the total privacy I had before doing all these attemps.. I used to lock my door and no one would even ask me why I did and I really miss that for a reason that partial suspension is my only way out.. could’ve taken all the time I want in my room to do it and get done with it with my room locked but I ruined this chance for myself.. I’ve done other attempts, ***** attempts (with pills) and now that my mom lives with […]
I don’t know if this will work, i just know that i’m done with everything, I feel so tired and anger, I know it’s my fault, I just don’t know how to start feeling good again… I’m sick of myself… This is new, share something that is to hard to say, I don’t know if I can keep doing this anymore.
My question is always why. Why do I feel this? Why does it have to be me? Why do I feel guilty? Why am I hated? Why am I judged? Why do I act like this? Why did my best friend ditch me? Why am I ugly? Why am I fat? Why do people care if they’ll judge me anyways? Why? Why is the question we ask ourselves everyday. We want an answer. We perceive things different from other, but why? Why can’t I listen to bands such as the Arctic Monkeys? Why am I judged if I am different? Why do I exist? Why […]
Your voice was the only thing that could calm me down. When I was on the bathroom floor with a bottle of pills and a cold blade in my hand, you were there. You called me and just hearing your voice made me relax and breath. You changed me but you left. I have no idea who i am anymore or what my purpose is. Im lost without you by my side. I cry everyday at the thought that i wont be hearing your voice before i fall asleep. I wont be hearing your voice when i wake up. I wont be getting any sweet […]
My suicide plan is to get right with God so I can have at least a little chance of making into heaven, then hang myself or Carbon Monoxide poisoning. The latter seems like the least painful way of doing it but it takes a while and sometimes isn’t even done correctly. I’m fact, I don’t even care if it hurts, I’ve suffered so much hurt on this earth that all this will seem like is another pinch. My week of getting right with God starts today. And if I get any shitty comments like “Suicide sends you to hell” you and I will have a […]
I’m done feeling the pain I feel. Let this be read by some who may care. This is final as I’m slipping into death now. The pills are overtaking me I can barely type so I’m stopping.
I was always bullied because of my race. I never done anything about it and I never told anyone because I was afraid. Everyday in school I get racism, pushed and even physical damage. One day I told my parents but they never done anything about it. It’s like they don’t care or want me to settle it myself. I want to settle it myself but I’m too weak and I always think about how everyone thinks about me. Like how I look or how good am I at sports. I did try to settle it but I became emo at an early age when […]
I think about killing myself every day. The things I’ve done. The things people have done to me. My life. I have no home, I couch surf to random people, exs who’ve hurt me but I’m so lonely I don’t even care. Too selfish to remember what I’ve done to them. I’ve cheated. I’ve lied. I hate myself. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am in so much debt. I was hit by a drunk driver a few years ago and almost died. I wish today that I would have. Or maybe I am and am already in hell.
I have tried suicide so many times and ended up in hospital, but all i want is for the pain to stop, my ex boyfriend to leave me alone, he is the reason i’m in this mess, killing my baby and beating me up, breaking my bones and my heart. scars and nightmares is all i have now, and i just want to be better and feel better but i cant. he turns up and beats 50 shades of shit out of me, and all i can do is smile and pretend nothing is going on. when i feel like i need to tell someone […]
I mean, how do they help. I already know what’s wrong and I can’t fix it. I’ve been twice. I cancelled yesterday’s appointment because I don’t see the point. I’m a private person, whining to this yahoo ain’t helping anything, just let’s another judge me. I’m very close to leaving, I’m having the same feeling you get on your last day on the job, the last day of school. I’m done. There will be another failure and that’ll be enough to push the first domino.
Why the fuck do I NEED therapy. It won’t fix anything.
God, both my parents are dropping not-so-subtle hints that they already want to retire…
My father had a myocardial infarction a few years ago and he’s still struggling to pay off the loan he took to pay for the medical bills, and on top of that he’s paying for his meds for diabetes monthly and sending my 2 younger siblings to college. He says he really wants to pay all the bills and just retire as soon as he can.
My mother is sick and tired of her abusive boss and unprofessional work environment. She only plans to stay 3 years tops to complete a 10-year company […]
I just want this nightmare to end. I want to wake up and find none of this really ever happened. The love of my life, my reason for living has found someone else. He’s still here with me in body, but not entirely here. I know it’s still going on and I want to die so badly. The only reason that I’ve not done it yet is because I hope one of these days he’ll see, that he’ll open his eyes and see that it was all just a big mistake. But I’ve not many days left, I just hope it happens soon.
people should really work on being more positive and encouraging, yeah people may not care about you and you may not have a strong support system but you owe it to yourself to care and love the person you are. yes easier said that done, but don’t be so negative about it. get into a mind set that you will change for the better and you are already half way there. change your attitude and things tend to follow. JUST A THOUGHT. xoxo