if i cant find a job, i will end up homeless eventually. i dont want that. i went to college. i want to work, and have a life. i dont want to end up homeless. i want a job, so i can afford to see doctors about my little health issue (that is easily fixable if one has just a little money). there isno reason why i should end up homeless, but it seems that is what is going to happen eventually. i have no siblings, and my cousins all have thier own families. im scared to die, im scared of death. im also terrified […]
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dont want to
I love those two so much. they are why im here. i dont have many people and its a cold world out there. i cant find a job, and im tired of this. i miss my friends on this site. i dont want to die. but, hey, at least i wont grow old. i love u all.
Hey I’ve decided the plan of killing myself on the 25th is not going ahead. In my other post I talked a lot about a guy who I lost only to find out that he got with another girl 2 days after we broke up.. I was sad about it and it made me think that he couldn’t of loved me that much :/ it would of been a year I was with him but hes moved on and I’m kinda happy for him because hes happy.. I have this guy friend who’s like my bestfriend he has been there for me a lot through […]
this has become ridiculous, im not sad anymore im just angry.. why must i bare the burden and fall apart while he roams the night…
i am dreadfully tired of explaining time and time again why i am angry, WHY CANT YOU SEE?! its YOU, its always ever gonna be you. i love you with all that i am, you are my family, my world, my everything, youre all i have left in this life so imagine my disappointment when i hear on more than one occassion from the people in your life that i should watch out for you the most, that youre my greatest […]
Why do people have to be so heart less this is the second post i have put on hers and i really dont know why im telling everyone my problens because i hate taliking to people my x left me back in September because i wasnt the person i used to be after i got hurt and i found she had been cheating on me for awhile and im in constant pain i live on pain killers and other meds for my heart rate and blood pressure they say its because of the pain and i admit im not the same person im tirectired all […]
Hi everyone im not sure why im on here telling everyone my story but here it goes not that anyone cares i have been thinking about suicide for along time i got hurt several years ago and lost the use of my left arm and i have cronic pain in my arm now i have to take alot of pain meds just to get through the day im on disability and i hate not being able to work my wife left me several months ago because she said im not the same person anymore and i found out she had been cheating on me for […]
okay guys sorry for the bad spelling/typing. . . but im in a relationship and ive been going out with him for like 3 weeks now but ive always been suicidal and i dont know if i should brake up with him before i commit suicide or kinda leave it. im very happy with him but i just dont like the idea that i am alive, i know that is the probably the most stupid reason to die but there is a whole back story of why i am depressed and suicidal. i dont want to hurt him yet i still want to die because […]
Dear WORLD,
I hate my life. i want to die. i hate my family. i dont have friends. i wish to leave this world. i dont want to be here anymore. ive had enough time. give my years to someone who wants them. i dont want to hurt myself anymore unless it is soon followed by death. my heart is hollowed out from the world i was born into. take me away to somewhere far away where birds always sing and the […]
Hi all i may start up a website i want to move on in life. I’m male 31 and a little schizophrenic when i was young my ex mrs said i should have been a model ive put on some weight not heaps though and not too ugly. This aint a dating website but i want kids its hard to work with my illness though im pretty talented. Im still currently married but want to start my life again. And that can change i dont care if you have an illness i can support that. Just dont want to waste my life all alone. Im […]
Im so tired, sometimes i feel so tired. I work everyday with some new shit. I deal with collegework piling up, and at work where people belittle me. i feel so alone, never even knowing what it is like to be with someone i love, i offer mine, but it seems meaningless. i get so jealous it hurts, never a light at the end of the tunnel. Then i get paranoid as if everyone is looking at me. so it puts me further into myself.. I cant tell anyone how i feel because i feel like a selfish asshole and my problems are insignificant. I […]
i realized i am not alone with my slightly suicidal feelings, loneliness, and sadness. If worst comes to worst and there is no afterlife, at least there is peace at the end right? And if there is a heaven, I think God would open his arms after us suffering so greatly. its rough, but hey, thats the truth. last year i dealt with some pretty rough stuff, and i hope it may get better. I learned alot about my illness, and realize there are many others out there with things, and are too poor to have them fixed. i feel better than i did last […]
im 17 i live in the state of iowa and my parents dont want me to be with my boyfriend so right now they dont know im dating him they think im going and hanging out with his sister which i am but im also spending time with him and they dont know im with him and any ways i kinda want to run away but im scared because i dont want to get found and i want to take my pets with me but i know i cant and im so confused i really want to cry why i want out of the house […]
ive lost them all pushed away all of the friends i had left
the shit thing is i couldnt stop it
i had only two choices fuck over my friends or attempt to pay for something with money i dont have
ive told them i dont want to do this and ive tried to put it off for as long as possible
they say they understand but theyre not paying
they dont realise they have less choice in this than i do
I keep thinking about going to therapy again… it never helped me before though… I dont know what to do… i dont exactly have cash on hand for an appointment… Admit myself back into a hospital???… ive never been with a bunch of other adults though… just adolescents… im too terrified of the adults there… would i have to stay for a really long time??? how much would i have to pay for it??? is it even worth it at all??? a knife or water can end it all much faster for me with little to no major pain… id be free, well, sort of… […]
didn’t work obviously. *sigh* this fucking sucks i dont want to be here and i refuse to be kept against my will in some institution with ppl who really dont care. they treat me like a pay check because to them i guess thats all i am. guess i’ll have to do it all over then…*ugh* T_T cant believe im so much of a loser that i cant even get death ryt!!! THIS IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING!!!
Im so angry and frustrated right now. Why me? Why has this been my life? I never asked for any of this. Those were my thoughts and feelings for some time. I was angry at god. I was angry at the world. I was angry at my parents for the childhood I was robbed of and the issues I got because of it. Not anymore though. My anger or frustration is all directed inward now.
Why cant I get better? Why cant I get past my childhood? Why cant I let go of all the pain and hurt that haunts my every thought? Im not a […]
Made a grown man cry today. Told my father I just want to pass away, that I dont want to live another day. that death would kill my pain. So turn you eyes away, you dont want to see this. Avert your eyes and pray, and then he screamed
Dont go, I need you here with me. Dont go, I need you here.
Saved a young mans life today. I caught him as he jumped to his fate. I told him son I know your pain but doing this will just pawn it away. I wont turn away I cant let you do this. I wont walk […]
Second post.
My first post gave you an idea of my backstory. This is more of an update to that post (I don’t know how to update posts, so I’ll just made another).
I feel alone sometimes. Not all the time, just sometimes. I can’t tell you how often because it is random. My life went from being so busy and involved with music and entertaining to one which is more quiet and normal. I really like the change, please do not misunderstand me. Life is far better now. But I can’t understand why I sometimes feel so alone still?
Before, I kept a diary. I was lonely. […]
give me intimacy
love me without touching me
cuddle me every night as if the night is our last night together
love me through your lips
make my eyes close and my mind forget everything, even my name
make me forget to breathe because all im focused on is you
make my breaths ragged from your mouth
make my knees weak from your voice telling me im ravenous
make me swallow hard as i try to remember what it felt like before this, but even then i cant and will not because youre too good
make my hair messed up and crazy as your hands […]
tthats just how i’m feeling today. my only friend i texted on monday and he said he was busy andd he would text me, but i havent heard from him. my dad thinks i am an idiot and can never take any opinion of mine seriously. the person i replaced wh3n i got my job is coming back and i am told i will stay but we are slow and i feel like an extra just doing nothing, plus it is a girl and she is really annoying and she argues with the boss all the time, and i just dont want to be there, […]