My aunty is visiting me before I leave for college, and she is the prettiest of my mom’s siblings because she uses the most makeup and she is the “beauty expert”. The only downside to this is that she cares way too much about her looks and comments on other peoples’ too. I was at the mall with her today with one of my other family members, and she kept talking about how much smaller she is than I am, yet she still has more than double my breast size. She kept saying comments during dinner (we ate saucy chicken wings from her favorite restaurant) about […]
Tag:
Eating Disorders
I’ve had my first full proper meal in front of my family instead of on my own and i haven’t purged it nor do i have any intention to
this is a crazy achievement on its own but coupled with the fact im finally okay with eating at all its crazy im still not okay with my weight but that can take a back seat.
i can’t believe this one thing has changed my view in life so dramatically. it might only be for a few hours or days idk. but its a kind of happiness of pride id forgotten i could feel. and […]
i made a post to my FB a while ago. I’m sharing it here now because i think it’s a means of motivation in some way.
“it’s time I just come out and say the obvious for those who may or may not have gotten the hint just yet.
I’m battling orthorexia. with anorexic tendencies.
I weigh, as of last .. maybe two weeks ago (the bathroom scale has been relocated and its probably for the best.) a solid 100 pounds.
I promise you that has gone down and I just dont know the exact number now.
one hundred pounds.
my problem is finding balance.
and this week, I […]
i’m so sick and tired of existing. sometimes i don’t feel fear, i am terrified of the pain that will come with killing myself because there is no easy way out, but sometimes i feel no fear, i feel desperation and unbearable pain. i just want it to be over and i NEED the courage to just fucking do it. i’m miserable and tired. the worst part to all of this is that there is no reason behind any of the pain that i feel or for that matter the pain anybody feels. theres no reason. no meaning. nothing. as they say, shit just happens. […]
So I made quite a long post earlier “tl;dr” and since then Ive been reading through some posts and Ive realised I need to ask for help. Ive studied a bit of psychology and im sure im a manic depressive with social anxiety and mild eating disorders. I need to and want to ask for help but I dont know who or where to turn. Im reluctant to go to friends and family as I dont want them to see me differently, I wear a great mask have for years, they dont suspect much I dont think and I swear to god the slightest bit […]
I just wanted to share with you guys why even though I think life is pointless I still chose to live on
Why live? Is I’m going to die anyway, if there is nothing after this, if my life has only been eating disorders, social anxiety, depression, ADD… Why live if I have already given up on ever having a romantic relationship, let alone a family, because only thinking about it exhaust me… Why live if I don’t want to achieve anything?
After all, for a nihilist life is pointless, why all these people keep procreating and suffering? Why not just give up on existence?
What’s the point […]
Gone are the days when therapists believe in their patients. In their ability to survive – although often times as they struggle in the deepest darkest places inside themself. They know that we are cutters, have eating disorders, self medicate, and many other things but they forget that we are SURVIVORS. Our coping methods may not be the norm, but our lives aren’t either. It’s what we do to save ourselves.
Gone are the days when therapists remember that we are not ourself when we enter their office. We are wounded and afraid. We are depressed and angry. We have been living with these pains long […]
But now it seems like eating disorders and self harm are all over the place. I’m sure I’ve probably been making the most weird and horrified faces at just about everything.
I got handed a knife to cut open a bag and the guy sitting next to me pointed to the bag and said “Don’t cut yourself.†I almost dropped everything I was holding because I thought he was pointing at my left arm.
Later that night a friend walked in and said “Marion, you’re so tiny and skinny.†I smiled because I was super proud of myself until she said “I don’t mean to say you […]
So I’m 18, a senior in high school, and although most of the drama in my life revolves around my anxiety and eating disorders, family problems, or suicidal thoughts, for once I have a normal problem. Just typing those words felt fantastic. I have really strong morals, I’m honestly not sure why because it’s not something I learned from my parents, but I don’t know, I just do. I also have pretty high standards when it comes to guys, although I’ve had a few boyfriends I’ve always felt like dating in high school is pointless, it’s just setting you up for a broken heart. I […]
Well, I am here now, after I couldn’t figure out where to go finally I found this site, and I hope this is gonna help me.Â
I had severe depression for two and a half-three years. My story started when I turned four or five, my brother started to act weird. First he was hurting me all the time, he was nine at the time, but it was okay, this is no big deal between siblings. I was always the type of kid who is playing alone and trying to stay out of trouble. My brother started to fight with my parents, first it wasn’t […]
People underestimate how much music means to me. They have no idea that music is the only thing keeping me from a mental institute. Music does so many things for me. It keeps the monsters of the night away, it pushes away all feeling cutting couldn’t. It keeps my anxiety down, and calms me when I need it. It’s the only thing I’m alive for. The depression, the anxiety, the eating disorders, the bipolar, the ADHD, the personality disorders, they’d all be 20 times worse without music.
And trust me when I say I’d be dead by now. Without music, I wouldn’t have that one song […]
Wow.
I’m reading some of my posts from last year. I can’t believe how much things have changed.
I’ve become more independent and I think I like it… maybe it’s just that I’ve gotten quieter.
I don’t feel as lonely anymore.
And I think I found a new hobby: writing. But I haven’t done it in awhile…
I’m not quite sure where my future will take me, but all I can say is that I hope it’s full of new adventures and meeting new people.
I do know that I want to change things for anyone who are depressed, suicidal, for people who have developed eating disorders or those who self-harm.
Psychology […]
Do you ever feel like maybe your purpose in life is truly to kill yourself? I honestly feel that way all the time. I trust God with all my heart and I believe that I have a purpose, but I also have this underlying feeling that my destiny is suicide.
It’s kind of crazy, not that any of you know me, but if you did, I would be the last one you’d pick to write the above statement. A few people do know about my anxiety and eating disorders, but even they would never suspect suicide. There’s those people, dark and mysterious, that you know […]
I’m 13. I am severely depressed. Have been since kindergarten. No joke. I fake smiles every day so no one will realize what’s going on inside my head. I have 1 thing keeping me alive right now. His name is Monte and he is my boyfriend. I love him so much. And I owe him everything. If not for him I would be dead or constantly cutting. I have cut three times, times but they weren’t deep. I just recovered from two eating disorders. Anorexia and bulimia. I’m on medication for anxiety and depression. But all I want to do is take the whole bottle […]
I read about how suicidal urges and depression don’t have to coincide, and how just getting it all out to someone verbally is cathartic enough to sort of treat suicidal people. I’d like an outlet like that to exist online where it doesn’t feel like screaming into miles of empty cyberspace. Is this is what we’ve been looking for?
I’m a student dealing with similar stuff to everyone else in university. I lead a very privileged life and have a very loving, protective mother (who happens to be the chief force perpetuating my existence, mostly out of internalized guilt.) I’ve struggled with eating disorders and disordered […]
Eating Disorders=hell
I want to cry all the time
I cant eat normally…ever
I lied/lie to everyone, saying I can’t have gluten so I didn’t have to eat…it works
I’m embarrassed and ashamed of what I’ve become
my family says I’m selfish and they hate me…
I hate me too
I’m hoping my E.D will kill me soon
so maybe I’ll be free
Yesterday my boyfriend told me that he wanted to break up with me because he refuses to stay with me if he goes 6 hours away for college. We’ve been together for two years and he won’t listen to anything I say.
I raided his medicine cabinet and I took all of the pills I could find. I’ve been throwing up for 18 hours and can’t eat or drink anything. I’m so dehydrated. When I drink anything, I vomit. I can’t stop sleeping but I needed someone to hear me in case I pass.
My parents have never listened to me. My problems have always been written off. […]
In all my life, I’ve been strong, my father died, my mom left me, I had eating disorders. And I got over everything, but now I just can’t anymore! My grandma doen’t talks to me because Iof his brother, he almos raped me! And she doen’t even know, and if I told her, she wouldn’t believe me cause she loves him more than she loves me she trusts him, he told her I was rude, liar, and that I was on drugs, and she believed, now looks like I’ve been kicked from my own famil. So, I had to move (I left my soulmate in […]
sOO my life has gotten extremely glamorous. deferred from college on medical absence to deal with my depression. omg im so effing cool. but really, last thing my rapist said to me was i hope you kill yourself or one of your eating disorders kill you. YAY. i swear, i sound like such a trip. it’s just exasperating that i have so much baggage and i’m so young. i want to be young and free and live my prime and instead i’m back at home trying to recover from my PTSD while all my other issues reman unresolved. honestly, i dont even give a flying […]
Its been a long time. Â I thought i was getting better, but i was dead wrong. Problems i thought had disappeared had only gone into remission. Major Depressive Disorder, Self Injury, Eating Disorders, all the problems i have, all hitting me at once again. Fuck.
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