No need for ending. There is none. Think wide. Don’t think. And suffer. Concentrate on tiny things, and then on big things, and then again, again, again, (don’t read this…pointless writing sorry)
Tag:
ending
I’m still around. Counting the days. Listening to that inner clock, tick tock, tick tocking away. I wish I could hear it winding down. It’s an never ending repetition though. Just like life, even the wait for the end is a never ending disappointment. Will the last day sneak up on me or will I see it coming days or weeks away? Really none of that matters. All that matters is that it does get here and quickly. I dreamed a dream of dying a few nights ago. But it was a lie. I woke up alive the next morning. I’ve heard so many people […]
…Every day, and act like things are normal, when you plan on ending your life in a couple weeks.
We’ve had a vacation planned. My parents are paying for most of it, and my kids really deserve it. So I’m holding out until after that.
I’d love to just blow off work, but my family will need the money (and it would be a dead giveaway…no pun intended).
~sigh~
I’ve always pondered whether loneliness was a disease or if it were a momentary reflection of how another sees me. If I feel so alone in my own company, how could another possibly enjoy me?
I’ve been so miserable at times I pondered ending it, but then I always have a flash of the world, and I realize what I’d be throwing away if I gave up.
I’m a wanderer who’s passionately in love with life, and I would dread to envision the world as it is now when I could’ve changed it just by changing myself, but instead left it to the rest of people […]
Being honest with my self, I feel suicidal, I constantly have toughs about killing myself and ending this misery once and for all.But I really don’t want to die, I just want to live without the constant overwhelming feeling of not having energy, being tired all the time, not seeing a good future, feeling alone even with lots of people around me and having this thing called asperger syndrome that makes me feel horrible when I try to socialize or establish relationships. Or perhaps its true I just don´t belong here and must end all of this as quick and painless as possible.
I get a lot out of this website. I remember during my darkest years I never wanted to talk about suicide with anyone even though it was the only thing on my mind. I never wanted to talk to them because I felt like their first reaction would be to talk me out of it. I’m not at all angry at them for reacting this way. I know they loved me and they didn’t want to lose me but I never wanted to talk about suicide because….I don’t know. Maybe because they would never see it as an option. Because they would have their own agenda. […]
One thing I noticed recently is my life resembles a hailstone, i.e. severe ups and downs. There’s actually a way to represent this mathematically (and yes, I am going somewhere with this!)
Take any natural number N. If N is even, divide by 2 (to obtain N/2); if N is odd, multiply by 3 and add 1 (3N+1). Repeat this sequence.
I’ll work out a brief example. Let’s start with 3:
3 is odd, so we multiply by 3 and add 1 to get 10.
10 is even, so divide by 2, to get 5.
5 is odd, so multiply by 3 and […]
no wander i have insomnia whenever i do get any sleep i wake up disappointed that im awake and still in this shithole of an existence i wish ending it was easier i accidentally od’d 5 month back hasnt been a day since that i havnt wished i was alone when it happened i was actually dead and happened to be around people with the means to bring me back dont remember any pain or anything i drifted off and came to in a tub of cold water at least i stopped using shortly after but how i wish i could drift away again never […]
I haven’t experienced this dark feeling ever. I had everything, I was an amazing person who was loved by everyone but what is the benefit of getting love when you are nothing when it comes to prove your identity.
Am jobless and this is the peer pressure which is killing me. Everyone is laughing on me, my parents are also suffering because of me. I don’t want to die but I see this is the only solution of this never ending embarrassment. The moment when you are scared to pick your friends call, knowing that how pity they would feel on you is killing. I feel […]
Hi, i am new to this site, please excuse my poor grammar and occasional incorrect spelling i do not really want to check all my mistakes and attempt to fix them and sorry for the long post, i could not shorten it out, this is the only place where i can truly speak whats on my mind.
What exactly am i dealing with? I’t cant be depression my problems are too meaningless to be that:
I constantly feel sad, like i am not doing anything useful with my pathetic, meaningless, insignificant life, like i have no meaning, sorry, its not like i have no meaning, i know […]
In some ways having Asperger’s has similar types of symptoms to being bipolar! When I get to do something that I really enjoy, I get very manic and my whole world lights up! It’s also known as getting to enjoy my special interests that are associated with having Aspergers Syndrome and my special interests are trains! When I go through the usual blah shit, I just wish that I could die! When I have to do things that I don’t want to do, everything turns to shit! I am feeling extremely manic because I will do some traveling in the […]
Has anyone been physically, emotionally and verbally abused and dumbed-down by their parents from the day they were born all the way into adulthood?
What does one do when they’ve been made useless by their parents and can’t make it on their own?
30 years of waiting for things to get better… just hanging in.
I don’t see this ending in a good way.
These are the reasons that I want die:
1. I’m unique
2. I have Asperger’s
3. I feel isolated
4. I will never fall in love with anyone!
5. Most people in this world suck!
6. I won’t have to be afraid anymore and my anxiety will be gone for good!
7. I’m stinky and I smell!
8. I get overwhelmed so easily!
9. Humanity keeps sinking to lower and lower lows!
10. Being naked when I hang myself makes me very vulnerable, so I need to be successful with ending my life, so I won’t be hurt anymore!
11. As the late great Wendy O Williams said, “this world doesn’t make much sense”!
12. Just thinking about […]
There’s nothing interesting or worthwhile about my life. Heard the same old bullshit story over and over and I’m done. I really don’t care about the people who are my friends. Never had a real friend who understood me, and I’m way past trying to find one. Thanks to my childhood being raised by a clueless ***** mother who doesn’t know the first thing about seeing to a child’s healthy emotional/mental development, I don’t give a fuck about others. Whether or not I’m bored, I think about ending my life cause this one is just a waste of time.
Ppl always tell you you shouldn’t kill […]
sometimes I feel like I’m in an empty room, just me and the cold hard floor. I can’t see or hear or smell bit I can feel myself going numb. The pain of this never ending despair invading my mind. I can’t escape it, it’s embedded in my skin. I can’t wash it away. I never knew darkness could feel so heavy. I just let it eat away at me, why fight the inevitable?
You know that feeling you get, when the air feels so thick it’s hard to breath?
When if feels like what’s going on is just a dream?
A nightmare?
When you don’t feel like living or leaving your room?
When society is the enemy?
How about when you feel like crying for hours upon hours; but you can’t cause tears won’t form?
When you feel dead, like a walking corps?
When you feel that SUICIDE is the only way to fix it; but you are scared of death?
No?
How about when you feel like the world has betray you?
When you feel everyone hates you?
Like your alone?
When you are desperate for someone, anyone to […]
I was going to take the jump, in front of the train. Looking dead at the tracks. I was so ready for this all to end. Some guy was there though. He grabbed my arm and yelled at me. Called the police. Stupid guy, if only he could see that I’m already dead. I just thought I’d break this vessel called my body so I can free my spirit. But that stupid ass man ruined it. Stayed in a psych ward after I was treated for hypothermia. My parents are suddenly keeping a wary eye on me now. Babysitting . The minute they decide to […]
Hmm… Well I’m 27. And this feeling(s) have not subsided since my adolescence. On the contrary, every year gets worse. There is so much to write about. I don’t feel like getting into most of it. But I will say the one of the worst feelings is when you regret regretting ending your life. And it haunts me so. And I know that if don’t end it sunday. Monday will be full of regrets. Deep down I don’t want to end it. I mean I do, but at the same time. I want something worth living to stop me. Ofcourse I feel like a coward […]
I think I’m going to kill myself soon. I’m not sure when, but I’ve started to formulate a plan. So many times before, when I’ve thought of ending it, the people I loved and cared for held me back. I don’t have that anymore. It just hurts knowing I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve to get an education, to travel, to own nice things, or have other people love me unconditionally. My entire time on this planet has just been reinforcing this idea the entire time. I’m tired. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
I am technically dead. I have stopped believing in myself. The thing I learnt about business analytics is that history repeats itself.
I am really exhausted and very tired of failing. I failed everything- my exams, my relationships, my flexibility and my friends. What am I doing here anyway? That is the question I have asked for many years ?
The next failure I will encounter is the exams which I am about to take. That is CISSP. Knowing me, I will try the second attempt which is probably going to fail again. I am sick and tired of […]