just sitting here in my room as i hear my stepp father scream and threaten my little sister. normal days are usually my older and younger sister yelling at each other while my parents argue too. my walls arent thick enough to muffle there voices. i sit here and think most of the day not really living if you ask me. im a big fuck up wasnt even supposed to be born. sorry for the shitty spellling.
Tag:
enough
Tomorrow, my boyfriend leaves for college. I don’t know if I can handle it. I figured out how to beat depression by myself just so I could date him. If it wasn’t for him, I would definitely be dead right now. But, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to handle him not being here. I don’t want to relapse, it’s been 9 months. I feel pathetic, feeling like I could fall apart over a boy. I feel pathetic, feeling like I could fall apart over a boy who’s only moving 45 minutes away.
I hate my life. I hate being alone. I hate people. I hate my face and my body. I hate that I’m not brave enough to kill myself.
“not enough” The message that’s been drove into me since a child, sometimes directly but mostly indirectly through culture and family. As a Christian why should I feel like I’m not enough? Because that’s all I know on this earth right now. I find myself discouraged, not enough drive, “not enough good grades, you’re a failure , your faith is not strong enough, your mind is twisted.” The messages clouding my mind, not irrational, for they are loud and clear coming from the family and pastors. Perhaps I’m just prideful when I come up with the idea that, “hey, maybe all this pressure and constant […]
Just spent a bunch of time writing this on mobile and forgot to save it and got an error, yay me.
Anyway, hi. I’ve been browsing this website on and off for the past year or so and decided to share my story today.
So I’m currently 18 years old, and I’ve been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts since about 9 or 10.
I’ve never really met or talked to my real father in any way, he left when I was 3 months old, I come from a relatively poor family
and my father never paid his child support, my mom rarely had a job and would constantly get […]
U know dont you?how is to be pressured
Im lost, when i has 8 i promissed to myself that i would live at least to 20
My family has never seen me crying, i have holding it for years u know?
I have 18 now… but, im so afraid of living, everything is soo hard to me handle alone
Ive trying until now, im thinking in finally give me the eternal dream
Oh God forgive me…
Its better like this, ive never been strong enough.
?????
I’m so frustrated with how tired I get. I want to sleep all day, every day.
And I’m so annoyed that when I FINALLY get up the urge to clean my room, do my work, etc. my parents give me so much crap.
It’s like them giving me crap about my room isn’t enough. They have to give me crap about when and how I clean it.
It makes me soo angry!!
And then when I tell them how annoyed I am. They’re just like, “Well it only takes 5 minutes to clean up your room. I don’t see […]
I just moved from home, in an attempt to save enough money for a college I can’t afford, to an entirely new city. I’ve been excited to move away from that place all my life, but now I feel crippled by adult responsibilities. My rent is 700, and I need to get a job immediately.
But with no job availability, and no experience to speak of in regards to city work, I’m stuck. Without a job, I can’t get insurance, which I need for a psychiatrist, and then for meds.
I need a car to get a job out of town, which I need a job to […]
So I got my beer on Thursday. It was cooers light so it wasn’t as strong as I wanted. Around midnight, I decided that I’m gonna see if I could commit suicide by train. Drunk, I walked to the railroad tracks then headed right down them, waiting for a train to come. My love was on the phone with me the entire time. I fell several times during all this. With no train in sight, I began sobering up enough to were I didn’t think I could go though with it and decided to go to my dads instead (which was on the way). I […]
Isn’t it funny how you can have people all around you but feel so lonely? I feel guilty because I have a good life- a good job, a husband, a nice house, a family that cares about me. I just can’t seem to find any happiness in it. We have a gun in our home and I find myself fantasizing about how easy it would be to end it all. Then I chicken out because I’m useless.
Why can’t I just be normal? I am faking being put together every day and it’s so exhausting I just can’t do it anymore. I just want to fall […]
Why movies are better than reality ? Why movie is better than reality ? Why reality is boring ?
by niki
written by niki
Why movies are better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why movie is better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why reality is boring ?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality ( human’s fantasy is better than reality )
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, X-Men, Marvels & DC universe / movies , The Avengers , Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Naruto, Bleach, […]
I found myself here while googling suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning.
I’m almost 40 years old. I have always thought of suicide but never brave enough to do it. Some people really don’t belong here on earth and I know I am one of them. As I get older I realise it will happen, just don’t know when. I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to live anymore.
It is winter here and I’m hearing on the news about accidental carbon monoxide deaths, like bringing in a charcoal bbq to keep warm.
I thinkk this is my preferred method. Has anyone had a failed attempt?
Ah crap. […]
Hello. I’m just an average, lost young girl, who has been through some things. And I just discovered this site and I couldn’t respond to each and every one of you so I made an account just to say this – please don’t do it. Please.
I’ve been there myself and the only thing stopping me was the thought about how much it would hurt everyone. I’m serious, you may think nobody cares about you but I’m 100% positive, that there are people whose lives you’ve touched even if you don’t notice it. I lost my father to suicide. These past years I lost two of […]
I don’t get it! I guess it’s a control thing. Society wants to keep terminally ill or mentally ill patients alive, yet abandon them. I seen it in my personal life and in others.
i want to focus on the mentally ill for this rant….
If your mentally ill, your friends will leave you, loved ones will blame you, you will be judged, ostricised, and forced into social isolation. But if you try to commit suicide and they find out, they will come back around just long enough to send the white coat fascist after you and lock you up against your will as if your a […]
If you give me pounds of money, the first thing I’ll do is jump from a building, high enough to break my bones. Hospitalized. Then I’ll do it again and again until the money runs out.
It seems like everyone has a good reason to commit suicide. Cyberbullying, bullying, leaked photos, bad home life, no friends, and the list goes on and on. I have none of those. I’m just a normal teenager, with a nack for getting into trouble, a soft spot for people in need, and a family that I could never just abandon. Yet I desperately want to. But I cant. Do you know how much a little oblong shaped solution to my problem costs? Way more than a 15 year old who babysits can afford.
Anyway, I’m getting off topic. My reason is simple. I wasn’t made for […]
I’m jealous. Not with what you would think, but I’m jealous of the people that gained enough courage to end their life. I’m jealous of the people that have cancer. Believe me, I’d trade my healthy body for yours. I know I don’t want to be here. I’m 19 and I already have my will written waiting on the day I finally muster enough courage and kill myself. I actually laugh because I like to cut myself to feel the pain and see me bleeding but I want a painfree death. I try to be happy but I fool everybody but myself. I’m not happy. […]
this place seems kinda dead, but oh well. i’ve run out of good places to share my real feelings. i wonder if anyone here remembers me at all (prolly not). things are the same as they were before, except i’ve gotten more depressed and it seems like i’m also physically falling apart, although i’m only 18. my body does not work how it should, along with my mind.
last night i had what i can only describe as a panic wave or some kind of anxiety attack. it was just after 12:30 am and i had turned the lights out for bed. all day i […]
With Kirsten Dunst and it’s the story of another planet colliding into earth. The movie made me think of how I don’t have “special people” to cuddle under a stick tent with as the world ends, and how nothing has any meaning anyway because it all gets destroyed. I hate thinking about how short life is; it makes me want to go and squeeze the love out of every person I see and suck their souls out like a death eater until I’m satisfied. How does one really “live” enough?
I know I’m not pretty because many guys have left me for other women. My former fiancee constantly contacted prostitutes and denied it, posted pictures of his body parts online and to other women, and told me it wasn’t him. I’m being treated like I’m stupid. My boyfriend just said that I take credit for other peoples’ work, but he also told me I was fat. He talks about other girls’ butts and how smart they are, but whenever he says anything about me, I feel that it is fake. I’ve never done anything to deserve being loved in this life. Everyone else is married […]