last night, in a desperate and drunken attempt to end my life, I tied extension cords around my neck about 10 times, tightening them, hoping they would cut off blood supply to my corotid artery. Welp, just like last time guess who da fuck showed up? That’s right! My aunt. She just happened to be down in the basement and knocked over something, then went into my room to say she’s sorry. Then she looked at me and removed my blanket to see I had cords tied around my neck. At least she was cool enough not to call the psyche ward. I went up […]
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enough
for the first time last night I tried to commit suicide. I was drunk and on valium, my lover who had just finished fucking me left to go home to his girlfriend. A month ago I had a boyfriend and on a saturday night would I too would have someones arms to sleep in. I was angry and felt used, nostalgia overwhelmed me so I downed 10 pain pills and the remainder of my alcohol before throwing the bottle at the wall. I picked up a glass shard and ran it down my arm. I ran outside my apartment and hysterically cried whilst I smoked […]
OK so today the voices were on and on about shit. Then this entity began making shit funny. It makes light of the dark shit that can surround my soul sometimes.
They modify words get carried away with songs, make me hear shit that ain’t there but sounds like it is. But I’m too smart for the voices I know its them. I have at least 6 or 7 different characters that come and go. Everything from little girls to evil entities that curse and swear and crack me up. That’s when they’re not trying to make me suicidal.
I’m trying to find successful stories of Schizo’s […]
I wish being good to him was enough. I wish giving everything I have to give was enough. I wish loving and adoring him were enough. I wish it wasnt all about looks and money. I wish I could be the one to worship him. I wish I counted. I wish he believed my love was real instead of desperation as he thinks it is. I wish he weren’t superficial at all. I wish I didn’t have to be without him. He thinks it’s unhealthy to love just one person… and I don’t think it’s anything close to love to want a dozen or more […]
For the first time in a while, I was smiling. It wasn’t fake. I was okay. I had found some form of peace. Then I made one crucial mistake. I went to see my father. Of course. I couldn’t just leave well enough alone, could I? Now I’m right back where I started. Like all of the progress I’ve worked so hard to make has shattered in front of me. It was only a matter of time, but damn.. So soon?
Fuck it.
Those who consider suicide, will you leave some money for your relatives so that they could pay for your funeral? I will go to an interview soon and hopefully get a job. I’m planning to work and earn enough money so that it would have enough for my family to pay for the funeral and I wouldn’t be a burden to them after my death.
It’s okay to feel sad.
It’s okay to feel unwanted and lonely.
It’s okay to feel tired.
Afterall, pain is only temporary, right? And so is everything. Nothing lasts forever. Things only last long enough.
<3 y'all
I used to think that the tears would never stop, the urges would never cease, and the thoughts of suicide would only grow stronger. I am here, two years suicide-thought free to tell each and everyone of you, this too shall pass. It takes time, so much time. I was lucky to be able to say “I need help” and I got it.
I never looked in the mirror and thought of something that I liked about myself. Never. I began thinking that this was how I would always feel. Never pretty, or skinny, or good enough. I was feeling this way and just assumed it was […]
I just joined this site after stumbling upon it researching suicide methods. I know I’m not supposed to share that sort of thing so I’ll just say I was wondering for a moment if I could turn my suicide into a test on how to slow and prolong the bleeding out process if someone’s throat was slit, maybe even create a method to rescuing someone like that, by cutting my own and recording a little experiment, but finding this made me rethink how I got to this conclusion…
I first attempted in third grade, with a makeshift hanging that broke because it was built idioticly in […]
So I have no idea how I ended up on this site, from the point of browsing to signing up to typing this. But I know that, this’ll do as a distraction even for a little while until I can actually find a way to die.
I suppose people reading this are thinking ‘well, what’s her reason for wanting to die?’ and the thing with me is, is I’m just very very shit at trying to ‘adult’ my way through life. I’m gonna start from the beginning to the point where I either feel like I’ll post this or just delete it because my life might […]
Just seconds after my last post, I see him with some girl. Mr Nobody Likes Me. Yeah right. He’s gorgeous enough to have them lined up and on a wait list until 2045. I can understand that he’d never no chance in hell go for me but what I can’t understand is totally ignoring and writing someone off who would do anything for you. Must be that he convinced himself that my love can’t be real since I’m so ugly it must be that I’m jus desperate or crazy. If somebody wanted time with me I wouldn’t ignore them or write them off. He damn […]
I find myself not being able to catch my breath. Like a stranger just comes out with a punch to the gut. I am just moving along in this life trying to cope and maybe fool myself into thinking that I am putting one over on the rest of them. The them that seem to have it all together. The them that are capable of connection.
Then there is something, maybe something I see, I smell, I read, I dream or watch in a movie that just knocks the wind out of me. Maybe these little events show me a glimse of what could be if […]
It takes 3 days for this to take effect. Heh, fooled them into thinking I actually ate today.
I’m done with what they’re saying. They never wished they had me? Well good, I never wanted them as pathetic emotionally abusive parents either.
So I’m doing both of us a huge favor.
Funny thing, both of them were attacking me today. They wanted to push me into action so I can finally take the exam? Even if I do pass (with my critically low ‘danger of failing’ score on the exit hesi) and get a job as a nurse, I don’t truly care about people, since why the hell […]
I don’t know what I am. I feel like saying I’m depressed will be an insult to those who have it worse. I don’t know what I want from life, I just know that this isn’t it. Sometimes I try to pinpoint the exact moment in my life that I became like this, then I realise I was always this thing. This thing that doesn’t deserve to live. I know sometimes the best people we know think of themselves as absolute trash, but believe me I’m a terrible human being. I’m toxic. I keep hurting the people around me, especially my mother. I find myself getting […]
Fuck I feel stuck. It’s a shit feeling after escaping this town for a little while. I’m pretty confused after the NAET treatment. I’m confused in general. trying to keep my spirits up but it’s tough when you’re grieving and processing so many emotions simultaneously. Losing my twin was tough. Part of me hates her because she really fucked with my life hard. Adding tons of gender dysphoria and a sense of never being able to be me. I’m still as confused as ever about that but she did a number on me. I try to keep my head up. I know certain emotions pass […]
there I was on the beach, it was around 5:30 AM, I had been drinking, reflecting on my life and experiences, getting ready to do the deed (my shotgun was hidden in a tennis racket bag) when all of a sudden this man come’s walking on by (looked to be in his mid-thirties). I was very surprised because It was still pretty dark outside and pretty dead out with no people but we both make eye contact and say ‘Hey’. I think it’s going to end there but it doesn’t, he asks me what I’m doing all alone on the beach, and I replied with […]
I’ve read a lot of posts on here and it seems we all feel similarly which hurts. I feel for all of you. Its like were all stuck in a dark room with our depression and we can’t see anyway out but if we turn the lights on were not alone, we’re all here with the same issue, suicide. I can’t seem to get passed it and today was one of those days where I feel even more convinced that I should killl myself. I’ve changed from the person I was before but it doesn’t matter, I now know no matter how much good I […]
Im so scared I dont know what to do……I’ve been in chronic pain now for 10yrs after a car accident made me have to have spine surgery. My life was great until that point……I was in college getting ready to graduate next quarter and I was working for a doctors office doing the work that I was in college for.
After the surgey I was unable to continue with class/work since it was excruciating to sit or stand for long periods of time and I would get horrible spasms and nerve damage caused a lightning type pain to run from my buttox down to my foot.
Well […]
I had such a traumatic experience over the weekend on Saturday. It was so horrible, that everything that happened is still so vivid and clear in my head. I can’t thank my boyfriend enough for comforting me. I posted another video. This song gets my mind off of the anxiety and stress.
Hi. Never done this before but my best guy friend has been going through issues since he was younger…he’s 24 now and can not deal any longer…I’ve been doing my best to talk to him, show him people still care even if it’s only me but it’s not talking him down any longer, he’s tired and ready to go. I am not completely sure what to do or how to go about this. I know he’s hurting but it has to be a better way than this. He has siblings, people who love him and are actively there but it’s not enough…confused friend at the […]