Sorry in advance for any spelling errors. I’m writing this on my phone.
Hey guys! How’s it been going? It’s Lucy! It’s been a long time, hasn’t it ( Holy hell it’s been since September :O )? I wonder how many of you actually remember me 😛 So I’ve got some catching up to do.
First of all the reason why I’ve been absent from this site for so long is because I’ve been going to a therapist and she tells me to remove myself from the negative influences around me. I was a bit pissed in the beginning but it made sense. I deleted […]
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enough
I think I am sick. Certain health issues that arose 2 years ago have recently gotten worse and more frequent. I don’t want to see a doctor even though I am uncomfortable and in a bit of pain. I don’t like medicine. Strangely enough, I have had the urge to try LSD. I have never done drugs or really been interested in them. Well, I tried pot when I was younger, foolish, and pressured – it was not for me. I enjoy drinking wine on occasion. I keep thinking about partial suspension hanging…
A few people have called and tried to reach out to me lately. I […]
so many of you still believe… how?
if ‘God’ doesn’t make mistakes than i was meant for all this? God meant for my father to abandon me, left with a woman incapable of showing love, a torment and whirlwind of insanity my mother was, molested at 4, to which my mother ignored and allowed it to continue… the bullshit goes on and on throughout childhood…. BUT – it gets better… so, its not enough that all this shit happened, right? now thrust into adulthood i continue this abusive fucking cycle? once wasn’t enough for me? i can only choose to love those that cannot love back- […]
I’m 14 years old and I’ve been thinking about overdosing on sleeping pills. I’ve done research on strong medications but I can’t seem to find any that are strong enough from over the counter products, it seems I have have a prescription from a doctor. I can’t do that without telling my parents and I dont think I can do that without bursting into tears and have them become angry with me. Just this morning I finally told them I didn’t believe in god and I felt they were about to disown me. I know this is probably a page to help others come out […]
Its been so long since Ive been happy. Day in and day out I yearn to just bleed, to let it out, to let go. All the pain of my life. Some 30 years of nothing but disappointments and pain. They say that the only thing that life promises is suffering. I say they are right. Its a sick twisted world that I have chosen to bring children into. I met the love of my life and now I dont even care if it all ends. He cant even be enough to keep me here. We have a baby. Its still not enough. What I […]
I can not keep doing this anymore and I know that I have tried and tried to keep fighting, yet when I do fight it’s never enough. I hate being shit on by teachers and by my own mother. The one who “loves you the most” doesn’t and well.. If people continue to do this to me (the making me feel terrible and the shit on) I am and WILL give up. I am going to cut and try to soothe the pain. The fact is, I do not know how to cope anymore.. I am done thinking that I can keep doing this because […]
Honestly, I’m so beyond done even trying. Im so glad my parents arent back home until friday because i wouldnt want them to hear my last moments. I dont care anymore everything is over and ive had enough i guess this is my last goodbye
Hello. I’m 23, a college student, and was just diagnosed back in September with an anxiety disorder and depression.
I don’t know who to blame. Or didn’t for a long time. I’ve dealt with what I suppose is considered self loathing since I was eight years old, and always assumed this was just a result of causality. I didn’t have many friends, my grades were shit, I often felt angry and isolated from people around me. I assumed that I hated myself for these reasons- because I was somebody worth hating. Because if I were somebody else, I’d probably hate me still. Now I don’t know.
I […]
I’m so sorry mom, I betrayed you numerous times. But this time, I am deeply sorry. Besides all the medicine, I really don’t know why I’m so fucked up .. I lied about that vape pen . It is mine . I lied about the wine. I did drink it all . Do I regret it ? YES . Would I take it all back ? YES . Sometimes I think of why I’m still living . You yell at me and tell me to pack my things and move to my dads . Well you know I wont . You know I hate my […]
i tried and failed I guess I didn’t have enough ********. I got to see my daughters for 45 min they hugged me non stop and told me they loved me so much.
I will try again tonight and every night till I get this right I don’t want to hurt anymore and I don’t want my kids to cry anymore. I pray that God will take me and save someone else, it just needs to end. Why can’t God see I am done he is suppose to have mercy, maybe I am so worthless even God himself doesn’t want me!
i decided to post this bc i see so many on this site burdened by this affliction, and this is something i have struggled with for years…there are cuts and burns on my thighs, shins, shoulders…my favorite is my right arm, i’m left handed…most of these wounds originated in my teen years, and although i’ve tappered off to a large extent, the urge still rears it’s ugly head from time to time…..the evidence of this dirty secret on my left arm are so numerous, and so obvious you can see them from outer space……this was never my intention, i suppose i am susceptible to over […]
Relationships often make me feel empty and hollow. I’ve had friends in my life, and it seemed like the more I knew someone, the less there was to like about that person. Nowadays, I rarely leave the house. The only people who know for sure that I’m not dead are my family members and psychiatrists. I’ve told my therapist that I’m tired of living. Everyone says that I’m just inexperienced in life, and that I’ll be happier later on in life. I’m very doubtful. They think I’m just being stubborn, which is probably true. The problem that I have with life is that it’s boring […]
I dont want to die. Really I dont. But the pain is stronger than the will to live. It dominates my thoughts. It wont give me a break. I try to sleep it away, but I cant sleep long enough. Honestly I wish I would never wake up. Maybe if it were as easy as flipping a switch I would turn my life off. What I really want is my happiness. I want my family back. But without them, I am overwhelmed, and I think I have to end.
Last night my boyfriend broke up with me. If you’ve read my last post then you would know how much pain I’m probably in. I know why he left even though he didn’t specifically tell me. It’s because I was simply too depressed. I was too much to handle for him. I don’t blame him for leaving because I would too if I were him. I don’t really see a point in living. I understand that it sounds stupid of me for saying that, but so what? I understand that there are “more fish in the sea” but he was the one with me through everything. […]
I am in the process of planning a way out of my miserable existence. I am not some teenager suffering angst or going to kill myself over a boyfriend or failed relationship.
Life continues to shit on me and recent events have just proven it yet again. It does not matter what I do or learn, how I try to improve myself, who I know or meet, I am just fated to lose in every way imaginable. I’m almost 50 and have finally accepted it’s never going to be any different. There is no hope.
I’m giving myself a certain number of months to get everything […]
Thank-you, thank you very much ladies n germs, such a warm-welcome. You’re beautiful, very-sweet, very-generous, gracious. I am indeed honored… to be here on this wonderful program. Of course I must warn you, one must be prepared for a totally unprepared program… ’cause
by Bisban
written by Bisban
It’s weird, man
But I know, more than enough
You know what I mean
Sherry came to my house, yesterday
Christians, with her elder Asian friend
While I was resuscitating my, prayers
Like a climax, just in my zone of an unknown
So I open the door and it was just strange
At the end of the conversation, she asked if she could come back
And I was like, “Na, I’m just, too far away”
Seemingly disappointed quickly leaves
If they just knew the rendered, that they don’t know
Don’t come to my sacred, house, when I’m dying like that
But hey, I know the […]
So. Tonight I was the closest I’ve ever gotten to finally killing myself. I mean it’s been maybe 8 months since I came to the conclusion that I needed to die, yet all I have to show for it are some fading scratches on my arm. It’s also been only a little bit shorter since I’ve started cutting myself – not so much because it made me feel better, but to get used to the pain and basically practice. I have to admit though, it usually did make the pain go away for the moment – except today. I made a deliberately deeper cut than […]
my wisdom tooth have been aching me for quite some time now. the pain got unbearable and i decided to remove the tooth. unfortunately for me all medical health workers were on strike so the two student dentists couldnt get their hands on enough anasthetic to douse the pain. turned out they applied the little one they had wrongly and it only had little effect on the pain. i almost dropped dead while the two dumb student dentist tried to remove the tooth, my mouth windpipe and even my nose was filled with blood, they kept on hitting and hammering for two hours before the […]
Headphones are on — check, looking down and not ahead — check, dark clothing that hides your inner soul — check.
Removed from the past, neglecting the present, dreading the future – I’m moving, moving swiftly enough as to avoid everyone and everything. The Volume in my headphones are high enough to block the pollution of the outside world; my vision is fixed diagonally, avoiding eye contact and collision; the black jeans, Navy-blue t-shirt and black raincoat combine to render me invincible, in a city of dark clouds and buildings that block-out the sun. I’m moving swiftly, swiftly at twice the speed of any city- human. […]
In solitude, steadily moving towards what is not mine: a sense of tranquility. An artificial sense of gratitude steeps through the thought of tranquility, tranquility becomes a symbol of your demise. The feeling of gratitude to what is not wanted: it’s betrayal, that betrayal is present in the tranquility: the tranquility of the – ordinary! The ordinary is a distinction of your-self from the rest, they’re ordinary, you’re authentic. The meaningless feeling of tranquility they enjoy, cannot be a result of emptiness filled with the necessary elements that gratitude feeds on to manifest. Why you want that tranquility, you just can’t figure. In the end, that […]