so many of you still believe… how?
if ‘God’ doesn’t make mistakes than i was meant for all this? God meant for my father to abandon me, left with a woman incapable of showing love, a torment and whirlwind of insanity my mother was, molested at 4, to which my mother ignored and allowed it to continue… the bullshit goes on and on throughout childhood…. BUT – it gets better… so, its not enough that all this shit happened, right? now thrust into adulthood i continue this abusive fucking cycle? once wasn’t enough for me? i can only choose to love those that cannot love back- those that only take and cannot give- if anyone extends themselves in kindness i run for the hills, hide in shame and do everything possible to self destruct because someone was nice and i don’t feel i deserve it– wtf? thats insane!! and yes it all fits in with cptsd, i know, i get it but why me? why did this supposed ‘God’ pick me? whose sin’s am i paying retribution for? mother? father?
i think i just got dealt a shit hand- that’s my take… but how is it possible so many of you with far worse shit than me still believe??? i don’t get it-
what do you tell yourselves? how do you explain to yourself why things are so fucked up?
what do you see, that i do not?
-im sorry for sounding so judgmental, i do think to each their own, I’m just spent, no sleep in 36 hours and my mind is a jumbled mess (not like sleep would fix that)
nite- or morning- ?? whatever –
10 comments
I was abused by my father as well in a Catholic home and yes that shit can fuck you up so hard. You don’t have to believe in God. I don’t believe in a God who punishes although I have all the thoughts you do. If there is a God, he permits a lot of cruel things to happen (or she). It is possible to step away from that god and choose your own beliefs or to say goodbye to god for awhile and figure out what it is you believe for yourself. your family disposed of you like mine did to me and you know what those people weren’t worth a hair on your head. its really hard to overcome shit does to us in childhood. i wish i could fix it for you or solve it all i can say is that i do get some of what you are going through.
My guess is that some people have more resilient faith (as in god is testing me, i have to overcome this trial), or they just believe in the “god isn’t to blame because he gives us free will and it’s our fault” kind of argument. It’s easier to believe when you can’t pinpoint the blame on the higher power. If you think that he is to blame and he sucks tho… yeah, hope goes to shit.
My personal take on it is the god thing started long before science really truly did. I can see how it made sense to believe something created everything. I think another deciding factor was helping people through grieving because if there was a god then they’d see their loved ones again. People also tend to believe what their families tell them. It gets handed down. I think now though in this age of internet and sharing of info that more people are choosing science. But lets face it, its hard to say your parents were wrong, that we won’t see loved ones again, etc. Sadly I find when I question people too much about their faith it comes down to them not having the answer but just giving responses like people aren’t meant to know why, there must be a reason for suffering but we can’t know it yet, and other ridiculous, pathetic attempts at explain why their gods allow everyone to suffer so greatly. Just my thoughts on it.
thanks for the replies, its good to hear different perspectives sometimes- gets you out of your own head for a while…
hope i didn’t offend anyone, that was def not my intent- it just makes me sad when I read someone’s post asking “why does God hate me” or “why has God turned his back on me”-
i imagine your pain and suffering is only increased by the thought that this ‘all loving’ and ‘all forgiving’ deity hates you along with the rest of the world- i mean, seriously, do any of us need that?
thanks again for taking your time with lil ole me 🙂
you rock!!
i bet Metric could, you assassin of b@@bs… hehehe
****** disclaimer******
kills has not assassinated anything- he’s still a good boy- dumb joke is all-
ooh… dumb you say???
You’d best duck my friend- I’m gonna find me a boulder… no more stones for you!
Personally I only believe in god to hate it.
How ever, today I’ll be in the side of god. (Someone has to be)
Some people just gets agro just from hearing word god (like me). So apologies in advance.
Lets first find out what God is. There are many different religions, but some Things are in all of them. God is not a person, can be male, can be female, but does not have a body, and is everywhere. Therefore we can say it is energy. We know that god helps true other people. So how can he be almighty? Simple, he is not. Remember free will? God cannot force everyone to be nice, or obey to his lows.
Oh *censorship* I pressed the wrong button. Now there is 2 comments instead of one.
… So if god is that weak, how can she(I like girls, so?) Almighty? Oh, but she can. All religions says we somehow started from god, so god is with in each one of us. Than there is some crap about god is love. And originally people turns to god when they are scared. When whey need… Faith. Wait, ain’t god can help you depending on how much faith you put in to her? What if god is just a different word for faith, cos that is all you can get from him.
And I’m gods son, doesn’t that mean, that instead I should believe in myself, instead of hoping of a supernatural force to do things for me.
God is everywhere you go, cos it is you. It’s you’re faith, your free will to help or destroy.
And by doing gods will you are actually doing your will, what you believe Is right…
Oh god, why am I so clumsy.. (On a plus side, these comments are going to the gavage can ether way.)
..unfortunately god cannot hate or discriminate. Devil does that(no need to thank me). If you think god hates you, than you are horribly wrong. Look at the mirror and except your self the way you are. You and your good will is what is called a miracle. Believe in yourself and never stop putting faith there.
Also, where the hell is some “god is love, love is god” blind opinion bashing guy!? You are late man…
Sincerely,
The Devil him self.
I don’t believe in god, and yet don’t deny the chance of their being one…
I also don’t believe in any afterlife (although, that beleif is slightly less founded than the previous).
Should there be a god, a god capable of thought like humans, whilst animals can’t, I can’t imagine how he’d feel about me, or if he even would, but I would rather dislike him…understand, prehaps, but definitely dislike him.
I am my own god in the sense that the world is how I choose to see it, as is with anybody. Many ignore this, or choose to see the world how someone else sees it (ie: religion). Hurray satanism!…