Remember when you were a kid and you did something you knew was going to earn you a trip to the woodshed? A lot of us kids when I was growing up had a place the old man would drag us to give us the “board” that was far enough out of the way that the whacks and screams wouldn’t make it back to your mother’s ears. That way the old man wouldn’t have to deal with her bitching about being to hard on you or risk getting the “It so upsets me when you do that” speech from her. It’s that feeling of impending […]
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I can’t tell people how I feel because of a misguided sense of how they perceive me and because the words that I have, as extensive as my vocabulary is, aren’t up to the task of adequately conveying the feelings I have or the impact they have on me. I am depressed, a condition which has sat in the background of my mind for a great many years and pervades the darkest corners of my conscious and subconscious thought. Why that is and where it comes from is a matter for discussion by people that have given themselves more education into the workings of the […]
I drift on day to day constantly battling with my meth-addicted mother, who hasn’t let me see my little brothers in almost 10 years. I’m stuck in a relationship where I’m not loved back (or at least he really doesn’t act like it), and I have only one friend, who is gone all the time. I am lonely, I’m hurting, and I am mentally messed up with endless anxiety and I also am bipolar and have fibromayalgia. And because I used to be a Jehovah’s Witness and left, I’m pretty sure God is pissed as hell at me so I’m probably doomed to destruction whenever […]
I want love but I don’t know how to obtain it. I had a boyfriend for 2 years…I just feel so lost now. It’s been long enough to move on…he’s moved on. I just don’t know how to anymore.
I’m bound to this earth with the feeling of regret from past events. My family doesn’t make the fact that i hate every part of my being any better. Sometimes i wonder, Why didn’t my mom leave my drunk dad? I mean she could have left him and spared my childhood memories from this twirling downward spiral of pain. I just wish i could have had a better time growing up. I only had One life, One childhood, One family….i could have had a chance at being happy if my mom left him……Happiness? What the fuck is the feeling of “True happiness”, someone please explain, […]
It’s a shame that it had to be this way
It’s not enough to say I’m sorry
Maybe I’m to blame
Or maybe we’re the same
But either way I can’t breathe
Either way I can’t breathe
All I had to say is goodbye
~Secondhand Serenade; Goodbye
I can be tough
I can be strong
But with you
It’s not like that at all
~Avril Lavigne; Wish You Were Here
And I will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye
~A Great Big World; Say Something
I’m sorry I wasn’t enough
For you, for my friends, for anyone
I didn’t know much […]
Hello. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to die, but there always is something that stops me. I’m useless, worthless, good for nothing, stupid, ugly and fat, fat, FAT. People are really harsh on me. They even told me to go die. At the very moment i have already cut about 20 times. My parrents know about my cutting addiction, but they don’t give a fuck. I want to torture myself untill I die,but that isno longer enough for me. If anyone knows any good ways to leave this world or help me overcome this shit, please. I beg you! Help!
Me? Yeah i’m fine. If you consider a feeling like this “fine” a pain that is so dreadful crying doesn’t seem sad enough, a pain that makes your whole body shake, one that feels like its ripped half of your insides out, it makes you numb to the world, you feel as though nothing in this world is worth living i never knew a pain could be so unbearable, I mean i can stand most pain, but this…this is just horrible…I feel so alone all the time… I just want to be heard is all, but no one gives me that chance…and sometimes to […]
I’m just thinking and looking for other thoughts on something. The “something” is a quote: “Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.” What comes to mind when I read this and mulled it over a bit … typical nonsense Hallmark-esque crap. Maybe it’s just me, though, which is why I hope to hear some different perspectives. It seems childish to “put up walls” just for the sake of finding out who gives a shit, much like “playing hard to get” in dealing with a potential romantic interest. If I’m putting up walls, […]
I quit. I can’t save people, I can’t talk to people, I can’t love people right, I can’t do it. I’m done.
Fuck everything. Fuck the images replaying in my head. Fuck my fucked up choices.
And no matter how much love and care you give to people they’re going to chew you up and shit you out. They never take you serious enough. There’s a quote I read….”A lot of you cared, just not enough.”
I’m going to start cutting everyone off now. It saves me the pain later. And this God I’m supposed to believe in knows I’m tired of it. Done being strong for everyone […]
I’m just a girl… A girl who is truly broken, I have tried to kill myself many many many times. I have scars, scars all up my wrist all down my thighs. I guess I just want to let someone know what I’m feeling because I can’t talk about how I’m feeling to any of my loved ones, they can’t see me like this. I will kill myself, I will. It hurts knowing that nobody is there for you… Ever. My mom wanders why I am always sleeping, she has no Idea, I pray to god that I don’t wake up… Every night! But I […]
I have had enough. I am sick of picking up the mess of my son – time after time after time.. getting him out of debt, saving him and he is 26. I have just picked him up out of a drug induced psychotic episode and now he is throwing tantrums about not being allowed to smoke weed…… I have had enough. I want to live my life quietly and all the time he continues to snipe…….. tomorrow i will buy the razor.. I never thought I would but he has destroyed any hope of a life for me. I have none………….. and I actually do […]
Or God, maybe you’re the same thing…
Anyway,
Why do you do this to me? The lonely nights where you wish someone was there just to sit next to you and chat in the late hours of the night about nothing in particular. Just to get your mind off of what you want most – eternal sleep.
I have so much love to give and lately it’s been given in the wrong places. Maybe I’ve just come to accept it. That it’s going to be a part of my twisted life. But there’s something about this…like perhaps we were meant to be one day. I don’t know. I […]
Would you go?
To my funeral I mean
If I got the courage
To kill myself
If I knew you in person
You would meet my parents
And my sister
Though she’s a bit mean
When I die
And they put me 6 feet under
And a grave on top
Of the earth for me
If you visit my grave
Not saying you have to
But if you do
Please don’t bring flowers
Unless they’re fake
I like carnations then
They remind me
Of Valentine’s day
I never got a carnation
But I always gave them
To my friends
Because they never got them either
I also like roses
Red to […]
Each day I slip further and further into the pits of hell. I am physically living but feel as if I walk around this universe as a ghost no one can see me no one can hear me just me and my thoughts. I was a victim of child abuse like many others. I started getting teased and picked on in 1 grade and every day and year after because I was always a little bigger. I was put down so much I never knew how to love myself. As I got older I looked and looked for that love never found it.
When I […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I didn’t think it was even possible to feel any more terrible than I did a week ago, but it is. It’s hard to even get out of bed in the morning. I’m just so exhausted all the time even though I sleep minimum 8 hours a night. I just hate this… I hate this so much… I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. No one. Why do I have to feel it? God, if you exist, why are you letting me feel like this? Why can’t you help me? Haven’t knocked me down far enough? Â Can I just please die now? I’m already more […]
I tried hanging myself with a shoelace just now. I wasn’t off the ground, it was tied around my door handle and the other end my neck while I sat on the ground. I’ve even seen a successful video on this being done and I don’t understand why mine wasn’t successful. Anyway, I could barely breathe and I could feel myself getting lightheaded and my ears even felt weird like almost numb, but I sat there for a very long ass time and did not pass out or die. Wth! Can anyone explain why this could have failed? It was not bc I didn’t wait […]
I wish someone, something would kill me immediately.
Alas, no one cares enough to do that. Â It is nice that no one cares to pretend, but that would be the clincher. Â If no one will let you escape pain, they’d rather have you suffer for their own sake, they don’t truly care. Â They cannot truly care.
I don’t want to hear about plans or whatever God has to say. Â None of it matters in the slightest.
Well today was a terrible day. Started off good enough, I felt real for the first time in a while although I’m still hearing what people say repeating in my head, idk what that is, but anyway, I told a joke in school, a joke I won’t talk about but I’ll just say it got taken out of context, and of course the dean of students or whatever the hell you call him and now I’m going to have to deal with this shit. Of course it’s on the fist day I feel real and am starting to wish to continue on this happens. Fuck […]