I have 480 pills (24,000 MG of diphenhydramine HCL) should be enough to kill someone who is over 100 pounds.I’m only 85-88 pounds so this might actually work.My birthday is on Wednesday I’m 14 right now.I’m not sure what I want anymore sometimes I really want to die,but other times I’m not sure.I feel so lonely right now and I don’t really have any plans for the future either.No one really talks to me.I had this counselor I met once a week but since my ‘medicaid’ got cancelled I can’t talk to her and no one else seems to care.My grades kinda suck and I have no […]
Tag:
enough
Since reading and responding to posts here I’ve noticed everyone fits into their own category of what depression means to them. While many have always been down with bullying, financial hardships, abuse or mental disorders, others have complicated combinations of all of it.
Personally, I’ve had a taste of plenty of the aforementioned issues. I’ve also been fortunate enough to bypass most of it for a long time. I had a great stretch of happiness (the most I’m capable of harnessing). Now I’m at the point of needing to rebuild and raising up from depths of the worst depression yet.
Knowing where I’ve been, what it […]
I’m not a smoker, but a cigarette with coffee hits the spot sometimes. I like the way I get spun up on nicotine and caffeine since I hardly ever have either.
It lifts my lazy depression and maybe…..just maybe will be enough to get where I’m destined to go tonight.
Really don’t want to see another morning
Well I was busy and she was not, so she poked around found the key! Opened my hiding place, found two tanks of helium, I was smart enough not to keep all the components together, I scattered them in separate places, the regulator, tubing, and so on, she asked what I had those tanks for! I said for blowing up balloons, she said where are the balloons? I said I haven’t gotten them yet, I said it was a surprise! I was throwing a party! She said what party? I said well it wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you! Ha ha! ïŠ Little […]
I spend all day with belt tied around my neck. Desensitizing myself. Tightening just enough to feel rush of blood to the head. Preparing myself to make my death comfortable.
I’ve had so many opportunities these past couple months to end it, but I keep dragging my feet. Not hanging on for things to get better, I’m not that naive. But the finality of the whole thing makes me apprehensive. I’m the one that’ll be successful on the first try, I’m aware of this.
With the clock ticking, I wish I would’ve done it sooner. The longer I wait, the more I cringe that I’m still here.
Fuck, mornings are the worst. Opening my eyes and realizing I didn’t try the night before. Then the long days that lead into night….the pattern has gone on long […]
When you’ve thought about suicide and have started to make decisions on little details, some aspects are kind of thought provoking.
I’m kind of torn on whether to exit during the day or night. Both have an appeal. I suppose night time due to the correlation of darkness and sleeping. I also like how not many people are up and about at night.
I do know that different times of the day reveal different moods. Guess I’ll figure it out soon enough.
Had some decent sleep at my girl friend’s spot last night. When we woke up, she went to work, I came home a continued my slumber. I’ve probably racked up around 14 hours of sleep.
I’m waiting to hear back from a job that I really don’t want to start. I also am wrapping up some legal trouble that is coming to a head soon.
On the outside looking in, things are coming together. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m about to engage in an upswing and I’m not wanting to, I’ve had enough of the high/low cycle.
I know my days are […]
Just wondering what do you guys think of corporal punishment? When would you say that disciplining a child constitutes abuse?
I don’t think I can say that I was ever beaten as a child, but I was certainly slapped. A lot. The hardest I’ve ever been hit out of discipline left a red mark which lasted about 6 hours and then disappeared.. which isn’t bad at all. Personally I think the main issue for me was the emotional distress it caused rather than the physical pain. However I also think the “discipline” I received was a bit in excess.. like how many times would you slap […]
I think about it all the fucking time. It would be easy to end the pain, suffering, and self hate that I feel daily. No more depression. No more cutting. Just ignorant bliss. I don’t know what will happen but I do know it would be better than the misery I live now. I can’t live with myself. I am “living” in a constant hell and it’s killing me; it’s actually slowly driving me insane. So the question is how will I do it? There are so many different options; hanging, suffocation, drowning, slitting my wrists, overdose, jumping, electrocution and so much more. I’ve written […]
I guess I’m just gonna list all the reasons I want to do this:
1. Let’s see my view on myself is a worthless piece of shit, I’m broken beyond repair and time is not healing me
im a person who is very self-destructive of herself its defiantly not okay.
2. I’m 13 fucking years old I shouldn’t have this view on myself but I do and really is it not sad?
3. I’m severely depressed like clinically diagnosed so I guess this was coming right?
4. I, a major fuck up and I don’t deserve to live […]
apparently i wasn’t strong enough. wasn’t good enough. wasn’t better than that
Yup, knocked out another one. Apparently my accent plus cider is indecipherable to some so I’ve posted the poem beneath the audio.
Bonus points go to anyone who can find the 3 Doctor Who hommages.
There Once Lived a Man
There once lived a man,
He was strong, he had grace, he was battle-worn,
He should have done something of monumental significance,
Something to be remembered.
Prevented, though, not out of spite or maleficence, but by love.
The could’ve-been-king with his army of meanwhiles and never-weres,
Would’ve been so much but his will was never his own, it was hers.
She stole from him his drive, his motivation, […]
I’ve been through this before. I thought I was done feeling like this. When I was in sixth grade, I stayed up late to slit my wrists as soon as I heard my parents’ bedroom door close. I cried myself to sleep each and every night. I had a boyfriend and I knew he loved me. Or as close as love got in sixth grade. He was going through the same thing. Except he had and addiction to drugs. Whenever he cut, Â I would Too. I wanted to feel his pain. Maybe I thought it would cut his pain in half. I don’t know.
I continued […]
you know how you try to say one thing, but mess up on saying it (or in my case, typing it) and the person who hears it (reads it) gets offended because of what you said? yeah, there now. I already feel bad enough that they took it the wrong way, now he’s calling me an “evil bitchass **** who enjoys his pain”. I don’t even enjoy MY pain. now I feel like shit, just when today wasn’t too bad
“Imagine a happy group of morons who are engaged in work. 
They are carrying bricks in an open field. 
As soon as they have stacked all the bricks at one end of the field,
they proceed to transport them to the opposite end. 
This continues without stop and every day of every year
they are busy doing the same thing.
One day one of the morons stops long enough
to ask himself what he is doing. 
He wonders what purpose there is in carrying the bricks. 
And from that instant on he is not quite as content 
with his occupation as he had been before. 
I am the moron […]
It’s been almost a year since I’ve been rescued from here. And I find myself sitting here at night again. Knowning no other way out that to spil out my heart on this place.
Why didn’t I just kill myself last year. Why haven’t I done it still.
It’s because I’m afraid to fail. I’m afraid to wake up again. I’m afraid that guilt will kill me if I do.. I’m afraid I will be too weak to actually commit. I’m afraid I don’t have enough know how.
The one thing I’m not afraid of is dying.
I’m am currently fighting with my one of my best friends over the fact I’m suicidal. I was stupid enough to send a drunken message to my ex, who sent this message to my friend who is now fighting with me because he thinks of it as weak. JEEJ ME , THIS WILL SURELY MAKE ME LOVE LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN,…. NOT.
That is what they say isn’t it….that you shouldn’t hurt yourself. that it’s wrong, unnatural. but i find that the people that usually say that. are the people in a judgmental position and have never felt enough pain to want to hurt themselves. To feel like they deserve to be hurt. these , of course, are my opinions and you’re free to disagree with them, but i think that if you have felt enough pain either physical or emotional in your life(or both) and you feel the need to self-harm. i fell that it is a coping mechanism and should be used….thoughts?
I want to understand why you guys post on here and what you get from it. I feel like shit and feel very numbly depressed…. and that is pretty much the only thing i feel motivated enough to say on here. None of you know me…. you can’t truly empathize with my problems and you can’t help me. So what’s the point?