I’ve had so many opportunities these past couple months to end it, but I keep dragging my feet. Not hanging on for things to get better, I’m not that naive. But the finality of the whole thing makes me apprehensive. I’m the one that’ll be successful on the first try, I’m aware of this.
With the clock ticking, I wish I would’ve done it sooner. The longer I wait, the more I cringe that I’m still here.
Fuck, mornings are the worst. Opening my eyes and realizing I didn’t try the night before. Then the long days that lead into night….the pattern has gone on long enough.
21 comments
This sounds like me, too. What’s your exit method gonna be?
Hanging.
I thought about rigging a guillotine of sorts in the garage, but I’m not certain of it working as well as hanging from the rafters. I have visions of it not working as intended and it makes me committed to hanging.
Ah, so something execution-style? Sadly I don’t really have anything high enough here to do that with, so my best bet is partial suspension.
Nothing high in the air. I was going to remove the wheel on my truck and fabricate a sharp metal plate to the wheel lugs. Using a hydraulic jack, raise it to the highest point. It would be about 2,000 lbs of force.
But I can see where it may not work. I’d hate to survive with half a neck or destroyed spinal column.
So why are you waiting? That sounds pretty damn foolproof. I wish I could rig up something like that.
Yep, that would be….unpleasant. How are you so confident about hanging? This would be pretty low on my list I think. Seems unreliable and horrid to me. It’s real bad if you mess it up and don’t manage to break the neck. And imagine the sound…ugh. Not for me.
I think 2,000 pounds is enough to do all kinds of damage. No way could you survive that.
Like I said, I have my doubts that’ll be 100% foolproof. Stupid Internet, I read an article about chicken that survived after having it’s head chopped off. The thing lived several more years with few arteries and ligaments holding its head on sideways.
It’s a stretch, but I don’t want to risk surviving something so gruesome. I’m a very attractive and active man now, anything less than that would be unthinkable.
“Not hanging on for things to get better, I’m not that naive. But the finality of the whole thing makes me apprehensive.”
This.
Not doing drop hanging.
Planning on passing out from carotid artery compression. I was in the military and I’m familiar with the blood choke. Also, I tested the rope. My vision faded, ears started to roar and my balance was compromised in a matter of seconds. If I wouldn’t of stood up, that would have been it that day. Once you lose consciousness, and you’re still upright….there’s really no chance of recovering.
Ah. Alright, I get you now. That’s probably one of the best ways to do it, just making yourself pass out into a position where you’ll die while unconscious. Relatively peaceful. Well, if you do decide to go through with it, good luck. All the crazy thoughts that will be going through your head while you’re slowly passing out…man.
You passout relatively quickly.
What crazy thoughts are you speaking of?
It might be quick but I’m sure those final few seconds will feel like a long time in the moment. And idk, I just sometimes wonder what all goes through someones mind at the point of death. Obviously it varies from person to person, but your thoughts will probably be racing in that instant. Unless you make a conscious decision to try and block out any thoughts.
There is something that seems unpleasant. I read about someone regaining consciousness after passing out. They ended up saving themselves. But if you were unable to save yourself, I can imagine the disorientation would be horrifying.
I feel that’s an isolated incident and probably a made up story. The only way you come back after a blood choke is for blood to get back to the brain. If the constriction to the neck remains unchanged, you won’t regain consciousness. Pretty simple, and talk about a long overdue event!
Bipolar American,
it’s a tough battle and really you should struggle as long as you can, once your dead you won’t remember that struggle anyways, so hang in there. ending it should be because it the last straw, not before, if you have the strength to carry on, then do as my mama you to tell me! carry on my son!! 🙂
A guillotine definitely indicates commitment. Divorcing your head from your neck is hardly a cry for help.
I thought about designing a guillotine a few years ago. I wanted to construct a portable model. Something you could travel with and store under your bed. “Guillotine in a Suitcase” – some assembly required.
I never got around to building one.
Everybody is impressed with the guillotine idea, I may change my mind….
You’d get bonus points for style (not that I’m encouraging you).
Hanging seems passe.
I also like the idea of paddling a raft into shark infested waters, chumming the area with bloody fish, then jumping in and offering myself as a meal.
Chances are the shark(s) would only gnaw off a limb and I’d bleed to death.
Still, at least it’s not a mundane, depressingly pedestrian exit.
my mom knew a guy who (allegedly) got decapitated by a street sign in a motorcycle accident…
@C4: Pedestrian: I’m partial to dressing in all black with a black ski mask, and standing in the middle of the interstate doing a deer impression in the middle of the night. That’s pedestrian, too, but I don’t care.
@Lorax; That’s not bad, although to do it properly you’d need to put on a pair of antlers. You’d need to dart into traffic at precisely the right moment when no drivers are expecting you to be in the travel lane. Be sure to look startled when the headlights of the car that’s about to strike you glints off your large, reddish tinged eyeballs.
That is The Way of the Deer.