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I know what I’m about to say is nothing new or profound, but the hell with it. We are all made of atoms that have been around for billions of years. Every year over 98 percent of the atoms in our bodies are replaced. Think, all of us have atoms in our body from almost every human being that has ever existed. When we die this enclosed system of exchanged atoms that comprises our perceptions of ourselves ceases to exist, but the atoms themselves will still exist.
It really makes me wonder, does it really matter that I kill myself? I obviously don’t believe in the […]
i find some days my desire to fight for life is almost nonexistent. Like today, I really just want it to be over. I know I have to now because I feel like it’s to close to the holidays. It’s like I’m committed till at least the first of the year now. đ I just really hate everything
When i was 9-10 years old,  i got my first computer, and since then i began to ignore my friends and school. Even though I play video games all day, I suck at them. My family use to know me as a “computer expert”, but when they asked for my help, they see how incompetent I was at solving their problems. i don’t have any friends, i’m so stupid, i don’t even know the multiplication table, i can’t even write simple essay,i’m so lazy and bad at everything.I’m a big failure. I think of suicide everyday since i turned 17. Every time i look down from the […]
I can’t stand it when my mom comes home. She is usually home 2-3 days a week. She always has something bad to say to me. Today I mentioned to my parents about a stomach pain that’s been happening for almost a week now. And she told me I’m faking it. Its nothing. Just take some zantac etc. I’ve had stomach problems for the last two months on and off and still haven’t been to the doctors. My dad finally spoke up and said maybe I should go to the doctor. Anyways my mom…honestly sucks. She never has anything nice to say about me. It’s […]
I had a very stressed week this week. With everything going on its made me feel more depressed than ever. I was hoping today would be different. My friend and I kind of planned on meeting up after work a few hours ago, but after I got a message saying he couldn’t stay. He had left for his other friends. My heart literally shattered when I read the message (and what made it worse is my feelings I have for him..). I could not believe it. I thought hanging out with him would raise my spirits, make me feel so much better. But no. He […]
I don’t know if there’s a reason I’m here
I feel the only thing that’s driving me is reason and fear
And seeing death to me conceivably near
So I don’t give a fuck what you think about me reaching for beer
I don’t worry anymore about what my friends do
I have a more urgent matter to attend to
Is there something there bigger when I die and vanish?
That weaves everyone and everything into a canvas
I’m not smart enough to think I have a resolution
I’ll never be a man with mediocre constitution
My father told me that blood and power intoxicate
So I’ve known for many years that something is fundamentally wrong with me. For the longest time I felt like it was just major depression. I thought maybe it just stemmed from my childhood, and the abuse I went through growing up. I also felt like it could be hormone imbalance as I have an under active thyroid and have to take steroids and hormones to make up for the lack there of. So I thought, maybe it has something to do with one or both. However I have sought help, and after about 6 months of feeling more like a number and less like […]
time to go soon from this world. i’ve destructed all that i care about. erased everything.
Maybe I would be different if I had someone to speak with. Someone that I trusted. Unfortunately for me, fortunately for others, I don’t.
But I guess that’s fine. No one ever cared anyway.
I am such a coward. I wish I would just be brave enough to forget about everything and die. But im a coward and I hate myself even more for it.
The way I perceive reality is troubling. I don’t know if it’s that I have an unrealistically bleak outlook, or that I’m too emotionally weak to accept the truth. But it’s hard to get my head around.
It seems to me that humans are evolved to seek advantage in whatever way we can. We find our place within the social structure, and then develop ways of pursuing power and status. These ways can be hugely diverse and obscure, but what links them all is some demonstration of fitness. Maybe we cultivate our appearance. Our sense of humour. Athletic prowess. Our knowledge. Or our artistic talent. Our […]
I’ve not had a laptop for a few weeks, which is why I haven’t updated.
This is going to be like full on diary entry material. I hope you don’t mind.
I’m having less and less to say every time I post on here now.. A lot has happened regarding friends recently. Too much to note down. One particular thing though, I’m drifting from my two best friends. I keep screwing up. I don’t want to make this sound like Its all about me, but I have no one else to blame but myself anyways.
I had a boyfriend recently too. Yeah, I know, surprising right? Well, here’s […]
my life has got so much better. i love it. i got my first love back and everything is going amazing . so no more suiccide and I’m off this website bye bitchez. đ
For a while now I’ve contemplated suicide. I believe it’s the easiest way out. No, I don’t think running away from problems is going to solve them but I do know that after trying your hardest to solve them with absolutely no solution, running is your only option. And after running and running and running you get tired. I’m tired. Tired of running, tired of fighting, tired of breathing, tired of existing. I just feel like, if I die, everything will be better. I feel like the minute I swallow those pills or that poison or from the moment I jump, everything […]
Fuck December. My grandma died 4 days before Christmas 2012, and my other grandma died 2 days before Christmas 2014. My great grandma died a few days ago, she was 98 though so. I hope no one dies on Christmas this year. Regardless, fuck this month and everything it brings. And to think, before 2012, this was my favourite time of year.
I’m drunk so if any of this is kind of drunk sounding… lol
I spent the last 8 months planning it. Now someone I thought was gone is back in my life. Kind of, anyway. Don’t know what I should do. I set everything up. I made sure everything would be as hard as possible to fix and get put back together in my life so I couldn’t chicken out. Even if I an turn it around, what would be the point? Is there even a point to life, or a place in it for someone so screwed up?
It took a lot of planning. A lot of planning. There are things I think I’d miss, too. Things I’ll never get to do. But in the end, they say it’s the journey, not the destination. It makes sense, because the journey would be life. And the destination would be death.
So, I guess I should have started this way, but Dear Random People:
It’s so much easier to write a suicide note when you pretend it’s not to the people I’m going to hurt. And honestly, I’m really, really sorry from the bottom of my heart (which will be not be beating soon if all goes as planned). There’s […]
So here I am again. Alive and healthy, better than actually, my physic is great. Maybe thatâs irony? Does that make me a coward? A fake? How long have I wanted to die after all?
I wanna say itâs harder when you see the people it would hurt, and you know theyâve gone though a lot of the same pain you have, and you wouldnât hesitate to die to spare them just a little more. Maybe thatâs what it means to have a reason to live? But since when do I care about other people? Iâm the asshole. Thatâs how it works. I donât build […]
Hi.
Like many others here I have suicidal thoughts but I am not depressed. I don’t think they have to go hand in hand. Even though, I have experienced depression about 5 years ago severly and on -off 3 years at least after that. But now it is as if I don’t remember it anymore.
I feel numb. This spring 2015 I experienced psychosis during which I burned my life to the ground. (Figuratively). I quit university, threw away everything I had, lost friends and over all sense of direction. I did some more crazy stuff and ended up in a […]