I can’t think of a single person who wouldn’t benefit from my death. I can’t think of anyone I’ve ever known who I haven’t screwed over on a regular basis. I take everything for granted, I’m arrogant, obnoxious, stupid and useless and every extra minute I survive seems selfish. Too often someone actually does/says something nice to me and I hate the fact that they can’t despise me as much as I do. For all the talk of, “having so much to live for,” my doing so only seems to lessen what others have. I’ve given nothing to anyone and the only gift I have […]
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everything
So a friend has been talking with me in WhatsApp for the last week. We hadn’t seen each other for months, and I had stopped talking to her months ago cause she didn’t reply.
So she has been talking to me this week, and today she called me crying. And, stupid as I am, I immediately drove to see her.
I could feel her pain, and I could relate to everything she was telling to me, as I feel it myself. But it just felt so wrong to be there for her even when she’s never there for me…
I remember that old song “it’s my party and I will cry if I want to.”
I kinda feel like that today. As my time comes to an end, I find myself doing a lot of things for the last time. It has a bittersweet quality to it.
My life before her was neither happy nor unhappy. I was just rolling along, existing the best could at any given point in time. Some ups, some downs, but mostly even keel.
Then she came to me and everything changed. Both for good and bad. But mostly good. I got to experience love and family. The two most important things […]
I have decided to go. My husband left me for the second time. I went all out to save him from domestic violence chargsd. I lied on the stand he never hit me; but the truth is he has never stopped hitting me or verbally abusing me. I have loved him truly n have gone all out. I risked my credibility, and the day charges got dropped he left me.
i pray this never happens to anyone but i also pray my pain ends soon. I have decided to take my life; after so many attempts of dying i am trying this nicotine ingestion.
I want to […]
My story starts when I was little, my mom was seventeen going on eighteen when she had me and my sister. She struggled to make ends meet and she still wanted to go out and have fun like any young mom would, my father wasn’t around for the first three years of my life so my mom used to find babysitters or drop us off with family, she would be gone for night and nights on end my family told me. When I turned three me and my sister were dropped off with my aunt and uncle and custody was handed over to them, my mom […]
I´m going to have to have dialysis again, I´m being accused of a crime I didn´t comit, impossible to find a good woman. Just can´t stand my life and it failures and people keep asking me for money in the street. I´m so angry with everything…
My story is both hair-raising and mundane at the same time. I was a very promising student, talented musically and didn’t have too bad a childhood, but went down with clinical depression aged 19. Back then there was not so much awareness of the condition so I didn’t really get any effective help. Depression through my twenties came and went, I tried out ‘alternative’ lifestyles and was somewhat of a political activist, I didn’t pursue a career because it was kind of fashionable in my circle to be a dropout I guess. Also the episodes of depression would hit hard, still undiagnosed, still not really […]
This world is boring , boring world . why movies, games, anime/manga, fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
I hate this world .
This world is so boring , boring world !
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, […]
So I’ve been alone for a long time, practically all my life. And this recent suicidal phase I’ve gone thru hasn’t helped that at all. Scarred myself up good I did. Even slicing my arm open on a hacksaw by accident one day. I’ve grown a loving for the color black and everything about. In color theory, it’s either the presence of every color or the absence. I like to think every color is present.
But anyway, I’ve made plans and I’ve screwed it into my head that I’m probably going to end up dying alone in my old age. And I think I’m prepared for […]
Fuck. Shitshitshit,
i relapsed again.
i can’t hear “YOU have to make things better” or “don’t expect everything to be handed to you on a silver plate” because fuck you. I know that.
I think I’m gonna try again tonight. Who knows? Maybe it’ll work?
In Man of Steel with Henry Cavill, Kevin Costner plays Superman’s father, and he goes back into a tornado to save the family dog trapped in the car after Clark and Mom get away. Costner knows he’s going to die and deliberately tells Clark not to save him. So Costner was depressed? Having chemicals mixed up in his brain? Oh, for some reason, his feelings at that moment were valid but when normal people who never raised Superman and aren’t trying to save their dog deliberately end their life it’s because their feelings are not valid? It’s like we are told to read the DSM […]
well just to start i was adopted young from poland. there was alcohol and abuse, and i was in really bad shape when they got me outta there. i have ptsd from everything. that abuse. now i feel like i can do nothing right. im out of school, doing online classes instead. im severely isolated. i dont go out to exercise and im starting to put on weight. i find myself unnatractive. people have never liked me. idk why. i have a gf right now. she lives in canada. and we’ve never met. its online, but she aint a catfish cuz we have skyed and […]
I wonder how far in desperation I’ve fallen to resort to this online community to vent my feelings.
I’ve looked up many ways to cope with depression and anxiety, but everything just sounds so fake and cliche..
Things like “don’t give up hope”, “relax your mind”, etc.. Am I the only one who thinks this way?
I can never take advice like this.. it’s sooooooo cliche and shows no compassion whatsoever.. well what do I expect.. I was just one WebMD for this shit.
How do I even cope with this misery? And why can I never like myself and forgive myself?…
Hi I’m a 25 years old living in England I’ve been Self-harming for the past 11 years and would love to stop I’ve tired everything to stop even getting a tat on my arm to but that did not even work I was wondering what have people done to stop self-harming thanks
I often question the reality in which i live, sometimes i think it is an elaborate ploy. An illusion manifested by my subconscious to shield me from an ever harsher reality i maybe it. I fear that i am still locked in my mothers basement,that i was never let out. I think i maybe lying in the fetal position in the corner of the dark basement with the stone wall pressed into my back. Maybe i never did get out. I image the longer i was down there and the more i realized i may never know a life outside of that darkness the more […]
As you get from the title I am new at this, I don’t really know where to begin. Sorry if it’s hard to understand I’ll do my best to keep it simple.
I’m still in highschool. I have been a cutter or “self-harmer” for about a year, though I have been depressed for years before I starting cutting. I tried to commit suicide a while back. I think about trying again everyday, I just don’t have the courage to try again. I’m afraid of what it will do to the people I leave behind. Life my family but most importantly my bestfriend. She knows about everything […]
I have lost the love of my life. The only woman I have ever truly loved and truly loved me. I waited 36 years for her to come into my life. She was my everything. Everything I ever wanted and needed.
I don’t understand why most people insist on telling me to “move on” and that “there are plenty of fish in the sea” and other cliché nonsense like this. I am aware of this. I know I could get someone else.
Why do people not understand that I don’t want to find anyone else? Who could ever compare to her? She was not perfect. No one […]
It feels like my chest is caving in. I can hardly breathe. Moving is difficult too. There’s this…disconnect…happening between my soul and body.
My soul needs to cry and release some of this emotion but my body refuses to allow it. My soul scratches at the doors to leave my body and yet, nothing changes. How do you escape your own body? The scratches from within are beginning to show. Random marks are showing on my body. I don’t recall scratching myself or bumping into things.
I can feel my soul trying to die but my body just isn’t responding. The stress of school, work, the anniversary […]
I just can’t go on like this. Every breath hurts when I know I will never see her ever again. And yet every second of every day I long to be with her. Even if it is just one last time. I just want to see her beautiful face once again smile at me the way she used to when she loved me.
I know she doesn’t love me anymore. I cry for hours and hours every single day. I still love her with all my heart, no matter the pain she has caused me. She’s my entire life. Without her I have nothing left. My […]
I feel I just can’t go on anymore. The pain controls everything. I have no friends no family nobody to talk to nobody to open up to. I hoping maybe someone can talk me out of this I don’t want to do it but I see no other option I plan out everyday how I going to do it and where but I don’t want nobody to see it or find me it always ends up with someone finding me I just want to disappear. I’ve already tryed pills but that only landed me in the hospital looking like an idiot not a single person […]