Life? Life? You mean the everyday struggles. You mean the everyday suicidal thoughts. You mean the everyday struggles to get out of bed, because you don’t want to interact with people who will never fucking understand what you’re going through. You mean the everyday pretending to be okay. You mean the everyday faking a smile. You mean the everyday breakdowns. You mean the everyday panic attacks. You mean the everyday being a burden. You mean everyday being a disappointment. You mean the everyday feeling worthless. You mean the everyday telling yourself that everything is going to be okay, when its only getting worse and worse. […]
life is boring , boring life. why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Marvel / Marvels, Avengers, X-Men, Divergent / Insurgent , Star Wars, The […]
Let me tell you a story.
In the little town of Chaonite there are little minions called Chaonites. There is a group of Chaonites called Chrischaonites and they claim to know the one and only truth. They say that machaonites can only fuck fechaonites, and fechaonites can only fuck machaonites. Everything goes according to plan until one day, a fechaonite desides she wants to fuck another lovely little fechaonite. The Chrischaonites don’t like this, not one bit. They tie up this strange evil fechaonite and process her in their holy slaughterhouse, where the blood is drained out of her pretty body and mixed with sugar and put […]
I really hate myself for everything.. I lost the love of my life to another guy and honestly I’m gonna end this all. The only reason I wake up is to see her and hear her she’s the reason I live but all that has changed. I wish she’d give me one more chance to prove I’m not like this that I was just making mistakes! I really wanna say sorry for it all! I know I wasn’t the best Aiyana but I’m in love […]
It’s really hard to explain this to your parents, but imagine what would they feel about growing old when I leave them at the most challenging part of their lives. Perhaps they knew this when I was born (?). Seems like everything is obvious, yet not much that can be done. Things are so bad. What a life, I’m amazed I got dealt these cards.
I have had a whirlwind of a week, and to be fair i still dont quite know what is going on. I have tried to kill myself twice in the matter of three days, taken to hospital, released the next day, then the next i tried again, again unsuccessful but the psychiatrists at the hospital deemed me to “just be having a bad week”, bad is nothing and such a understatement.
My partner broke up with me and thats when my first suicide attempt occured, the next day. He went in the ambulance with me and stayed by my bed all night, when i was discharged […]
I just want to rant/vent
you see? I don’t even know what to title this because I don’t even know how I feel. Actually I do; I’m worthless, useless like my brother says. I’m a freshman in college. I only got to finish fall & winter term because just today I got told I got dropped out of college. I’ve been distracted because my ex boyfriend left me without a reason. Yea it’s stupid to be sad over a boy but it’s something I can’t control. I gave this guy something I always treasured. He told me he loved me & he showed me he did. I am so confused […]
They’re out again tonight.
Not that I asked to know what they’re doing, they still think it’s okay to tell me. Show me the life I walked out of. And maybe it is for some people, maybe some people can handle seeing what they lost.
I’d be with them if I was still there.
Or would I?
Long ago, when we first met I’d be with them. Then everything went downhill. Bits of me began to fall off the faster I went.
I’m not feeling particularly anything recently, I just feel dead. If that’s even a thing. If death could be felt. The absence of everything. The absence of caring. […]
I thought I had her back… I thought we would be happy again… No, I always ruin the good things in my life… I have decided it is my time to leave. I can’t be here anymore. I can’t wake up every single day hating myself and everything that I have done to people. I just can’t do this anymore. I wake up every morning wondering how bad I am going to mess up again… I try to put up a fake smile but it’s never enough… I am gonna go tonight. Maybe all the people I have ever hurt will be happy I’m gone. […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slmb4ZZ5pkY
Happiness will never be for me, not for a sick girl.
Everything is gone.
I’ve known that for a long while.
Going to use one of those industrial strength zip ties on my hands next time, so even if I want to I won’t be able to save myself.
I am so fucked up.
I’ve hesitated putting anything on here for a couple of days, because I don’t have anything to say anymore.
I wish I didn’t live with people, or at least with people who care so damn much. Checking up on me every hour.
If I was on my own I could spend my last day how I want to. And then the day could wind down to an end and I could just drift off.
So fucking bored […]
a while ago, i read an article that says extreme prolonged loneliness is just as bad as obesity as far as lowering life expectancy. i think, good. i am both extremely lonely and obese. i hope it doubles my chance of dying early. sometimes i get little chest pains. i’m only 18. but when it happens, i think about how it would feel to have a heart attack. that’s how i’ll probably go, if i don’t do it first; my obesity + the stress of loneliness/depression/everything else will finally come crashing down onto me, like lightning, and i’ll be gone.
I lost my girlfriend Rebecca because I was an idiot. That is all I have ever been since I pushed her away. I hate myself everyday, I still make her cry and I don’t want to be here anymore. I love her to death but I just keep hurting her. I hate it. I hate myself. I can’t be here anymore and I don’t want to hurt her anymore. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just want to make the world better and leave. I hate myself. I really do. Ever since then, everyone is leaving me, I have no friends, I have no […]
it seems everything i do now is just for attention, however i can’t tell. Am i just lying to myself and others? Am i making things up and actually fooling myself? am i really doing everything i have done for her? do i really love her? could i ask the same about my past relationships? was it my fault they ended? did i do something wrong? am i the reason my best friend is so suicidal and depressed, who is now losing her life slowly because she overdosed? is it me? or others? why does life and nature have such a cruel yet realistic cycle […]
You know, when you think things are actually starting to look up and after so long the stress just piles up on you & you just want to collapse .. Over the past 2 months things were getting better, I had gotten a job, figured where I want to go to college, figured what kind of major I wanted to do, gotten a wonderful boyfriend. But just over this past week he has just. Even so angry & takes it out on me, and it just seems to be sex sex sex.. He says I always start it but I’m sleeping when I Apparently start […]
You know that feeling you get, when the air feels so thick it’s hard to breath?
When if feels like what’s going on is just a dream?
A nightmare?
When you don’t feel like living or leaving your room?
When society is the enemy?
How about when you feel like crying for hours upon hours; but you can’t cause tears won’t form?
When you feel dead, like a walking corps?
When you feel that SUICIDE is the only way to fix it; but you are scared of death?
No?
How about when you feel like the world has betray you?
When you feel everyone hates you?
Like your alone?
When you are desperate for someone, anyone to […]
I just want to die. I feel so tired of everything. I can’t find any reason to live. I feel miserable. I can’t describe how I hate myself.
This song really shows me how important you mean to me. You trust me with everything and maybe that’s the reason I am pushing you away. I care to much about you to let you be stuck in my screwed up life. I don’t think words describe how thankful I am that you have come into my life. This past weeks been hell, but everyday I looked for you and knew you’d always be there for me. You are the reason I am still here this year. I’ve wanted to end it many times but because of you I didn’t. You broke my walls down […]
you wrote a beautiful story,
Constructed it so perfectly.
You were so well put together,
As if everything came so easily.
Characters so picturesque,
You made a perfect story.
But it was truth and lie,
You wrote a perfect allegory.
You tried running from yourself,
Putting on a different mask to hide.
You put on the mask of a smile,
Behind which you cried.
but with so many choices,
How could I ever find the real you?
You lived the lives you created,
And never left behind a clue.
All alone, you suffered your demons,
All alone, you sat in sorrow.
Never once did you ask for help,
You put up a false bravado.
No one came to your rescue,
Because you never appeared weak.
I would […]