i know how im going to do it its just a matter of getting the materials without raising suspicion. after i have everything i need in hand im gone. though its going to take some time.
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everything
I can not escape this feeling. I did what I could today to get away from this. Here I am feeling the exact same way. I feel useless, a bad mother, a bad person. I don’t know what else to do. I called my therapist today to get some meds. He never called me back. He told me to call him. It was a crappy day. Even though I did everything I possibly could to make it a better day. To get my mind off everything. When will this feeling go away for good? I Just can’t feel this way any more. My son deserves […]
12 hours to go
You win, I was too wrong from the beginning anyway. A gear missing the teeth and don’t fit in the machinery.
“Be yourself, it’s all you need”
Of course there is the big probability chance, that everything else around you, don’t want or agree with your self, so you will have to let them mold, shape, change and fix you, so you can fit in, and get to be yourself, they can accept. But hey doesn’t matter, as long as you just “be yourself”
“You can’t be lonely if you’re not alone”,
and if you’re alone, well then it’s your own fault.
Don’t worry, […]
Is it possible that there is a force bigger an even more capable of destroying me than just the society, the world and human beings this planet is.. Like the saying I have heard and used so many times before ‘the universe is against me’ Maybe yes it is yes it really is. I have tried so many times through my life to try and figure out why…. why me, why is this it, why was I born. what is the point of all this the point of life well maybe there is really no point who ever came up with everyone has a purpose […]
Have you ever had one of those nights. When you have it up to there with everything and you just wish you can just put a gun to your head and pull the trigger. Tonight is defintaly one of those nights I’m so ticked off to the point that i cant even concentrate on my work. Well guess I’ll go listen to some music on my headphones till i black out.
Hope you guys are having a better night than I am.
Peace!
Is it weird that I feel like I don’t love my boyfriend….well, he’s my first boyfriend and….I’ve never really loved someone..
What are you supposed to feel when you’re in love…
We’ve been going out for two months now he says he loves everything about me and he accepts me for my depression and anxiety problems…
How does one love a companion?
How does one show love?
How does one love?
What is love…and can I love?
The ‘no harm in trying’ spell no longer works to motivate me. I think of my failures, how it became almost constant, and I just lose faith in any light of hope.
Now, there is ‘no point in trying’ at all. Everything isn’t worth it anymore.
Living in a country in which the majority of its people has very little, if any, empathy on ‘suicide’, I really don’t think killing myself is gonna change anything. People do not care.
I’m stuck. So badly. I just can’t go on.
I want to find the way so I could talk to him, and tell him that
here everything’s worst. That my will is dead, that I would like
to have a change to hug him, I want everything to be as it was,
my life is so grey that the pain will never go away.
I want to remember, that it’s better not to believe in love.
I should hate him for leaving me here, I’m just a nostalgic
lovesick person, that hates feeling like this.
I’m just honestly sad about school and everything. It honestly sucks that everyone judges you on everything so I basically have no friends. I just want to talk to someone about what I honestly feel because I can never talk to someone about it at school because it spreads. I don’t think I can smile everyday pretending everything is alright
4 days left,
and I don’t really know how to get sorted.
Or if I even should sort things.
Got notes written to those that matter, several notes actually, don’t really know which to choose. Do I use the short? the long? the one that tries to explain as much as possible, while reassuring, so feelings don’t get hurt “too” much?
Do I even use one? Should I leave nothing, or just write on the wall: “Fuck it, doesn’t matter anyway” ?
Should I clean everything up nice and tidy? Leave a mess? Just let everything be as it is, so it shows how much a mess […]
What’s it like for everyone inside your heads? Inside mine I never have perfect clarity. It’s like everything is blurry and I feel extremely dissociated. I don’t know whether my anxiety makes me like this or what. It’s so awful to be confined to this tiny space and feeling like I’m completely and utterly insane. Everything is so uncomfortable and blurry and just plain wrong. What’s it like for everyone else?
So I’ve been feeling suicidal for about four years no ive attempted suicide neumorus of times I’ve been to over 30 plus mental hospitals. I’d find myself feeling better then all of a sudden im down again I was diagnosed with depression ptsd and bipolar disorder. Im taking zoloft I just feel as if nobody understands me. I’m only seventeen I have scars all over my arms I never really exspess myself to anyone I block people out because im afraid to let anyone in although people say im geting better I don’t feel like I am. Everyday I smoke cigarettes im constantly thinking I […]
I’ve realized that the pain has been growing inside me for the past two almost three months since my cousin death. Everything has been falling apart to me. Everyone says that I’m going to be fine I’m a couple of days but I always knew they were wrong. My cousin was killed in a car accident and ever since then I’ve been having the gut feeling in my stomach saying that it is my time to go. She is waiting for me wherever she is, and that she needs me there. The thing about her being gone is knowing I can’t talk to my best […]
I used to believe anything was possible. Straight A’s. Got into a good university fresh from high school.
I always wanted to cure the acne scars on my face. I thought no man would love me with these scars. So I paid for a laser treatment. It did not make things better, it made things worse. Now half of my face is beautiful and untouched and the other, treated half is ruined. I can’t help but think this affects everything people think about me. The bad half of my face makes me looks sloppy, stupid and trollish.
Worse yet, it is all my fault. And so are […]
I’ve realized that nothing amuses me or makes me happy. My life is becoming a boring routine. I’m in college and yes, I have different classes every day but it’s all the same to me.
Today, I woke up at 5:20. I don’t drive so I have to rely on someone who has their own business to drop me off. I went to class, where I almost fell asleep in. Now I have this huge gap, 4 hours, until my last class. I have no friends here. I don’t talk to anyone. I don’t mind it but it gets boring. Then I’ll most likely go […]
Reality sucks, Reality suck, Reality boring, I hate Reality, boring Reality, Reality is boring !
by niki
written by niki
Reality is boring & LIMITED !! I hate Reality ! boring Reality !
Real life is boring & LIMITED !! I hate real life ! boring real life !
Real world is boring & LIMITED !! I hate real world ! boring real world !
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans (well.. MOST/90% of them), I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING !! and especially nowadays become ONLY very materialistic, money / profits driven only, all about money, money, money, & image, image, image! ; it’s very superficial, shallow, and mundane boring!
Why movies, video games, comics, books, novels, anime/manga, […]
Hello there. I’m me. I’m confused and I still don’t like myself.
Am I the only who feels so compelled to run away all the time? I feel like I want to run away from my life. From everything I have. From all of my life. From my experiences. From reality.
I want to run away to restart. You’re right. There are no restarts in life. But. Everything we do in life is based on our definitions, no?
Ah. I’m sorry. One day I will. I might or might not bring you. But this sounds like a pretty good future in my imagination.
Right. Running away. I should run […]
I’ve been dealing with this pain for so long… I’ve attempted so many times. I can’t take this anymore. it kills me. I’m afraid to make friends because they’ll all just leave me by death or turning against me. I’m so sick and tired of crying myself to sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. And feeling like a fucking mistake to my parents. Why was I born? My mom should have fucking got an abortion. I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE! IT’S TO FUCKING HARD! LET ME GO! PLEASE PLEASE LORD LET ME DIE! I can’t do this anymore. I’m ready to pull the damn trigger and […]
My original intention was to comment on someones post – suicide is not selfish. It is only viewed as selfish by those who are angry because you are nolonger there to be used & abused. That is how it will be for me.
In 1 week I will be homeless. I really feel like I should give up right now. Everything has fallen apart, but replacements are falling into place. My ‘best friend’ whom I live with has replaced me with one of her friends & her 2 little kids. I have lost my sister to the clutches of my mother, so I am no longer […]
Have you ever wanted someone to give you everything. You spent forever obssesing over it getting emotionally drained over what you need and not focusing on what you are given. I realized a little too soon… too late that even if he gave me what I wanted I still wouldn’t know what to do with it. Thats just logic. A WOMAN WHO ACTS LIKE A CHILD WITH MEN LOOKING FOR COMFORT AND REGECTION. LOVE ME LOVE ME I told him when I don’t even love myself. So I left him before he could leave me so I could fix myself and become worthy but all I […]