I don’t want to exist. please help me. I don’t want to be here anymore, i have two kids and a husband. i know it sounds terrible but before i met my husband i was dead set on ending everything. I saw love in him and hope and a future. My children are everything to me but I’m not good enough for any of them. I cant even get out of bed half the time. My pain runs so deep and i don’t think anything will make it stop.
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It seems like all of my life has been predetermined, as if my thoughts and actions are actually beyond my control. It’s like existing without really existing. It sucks because no matter what I do, I feel that I am not doing it. I sometimes feel like life is just a movie with sentience included. That’s depressing, because all of the pain that I feel is much like an illusion. Perhaps I’m not feeling pain, but I am experiencing a set of physiochemical processes taking place that make me think that I am feeling something, when ultimately, I am no more alive than a rock. […]
When I was about 12 – 13 years old (I’m now 24) thought I was gay. I started going on a forum where I met a girl called Serena. I spoke to her every single day, eventually we decided to be girlfriends. Being that age I really felt like I was in love, I loved speaking to her over the net and by text. She’d get me to leave voicemails too, I’d do anything for her. It was so nice finally having someone to talk to, I didn’t have any friends and was always bullied… She made everything so much better.
This carried on for months, […]
is superhero real exist ? are superheroes real exist ? is superpower or magic real exist ? (like in those cool movies, games, comics, novels, books, anime / manga, etc) ? fuck this boring reality / real world / real life !!
by niki
written by niki
is superhero real exist ?
are superheroes real exist ?
is superpower or magic real exist ? (like in those cool movies, games, comics, novels, books, anime / manga, etc) ?
you know, like in those ‘cool’ superhero movies : X-Men (X Men), Superman, Thor, Spiderman, Iron man, Captain America, or in those ‘cool’ fantasy / sci-fi (sci fi, science fiction) movies : Harry Potter, Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Avatar, TRON, or games like Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, etc etc ..
otherwise, fuck this boring reality / real world / real life !!
I hate reality, I hate life , I hate this very *LIMITED* & […]
Isolation can be a dangerouse thing.It can change you.it can warp you.it will mold you into something….not human.I know this because I live it.in all the years that I’ve lived in isolation, I noticed one thing.it takes you down a path….it starts to change you little by little.and everytime you hit a vital point down this dark path…you become that much less of a human.For me at least, I know this much.you start to hate uncontrollably, you turn into something else.Im a perfect example, im not human anymore…I may look,act,and sound like one but the truth is im turning into something of the dark.I love […]
That’s almost what I did today. I barely stopped myself. I was just overwhelmed. My mom yelled at me, my brother treated me badly, I’ve been depressed for weeks now (constantly). I’ve lost almost all my friends. I’m being forced to face my day (by my mother) when I can’t even get up.
And I face the monster in front of me everyday: my past.
Many tell me: what you did meant nothing. It’s the past. My pain meant nothing? The fact I gave away something I can’t get back is nothing? It being in the past doesn’t change anything.
So today I’m running. Away from everything. I’m […]
I just feel like I am the only person who really feels and thinks the way that I do. To me, everything seems like a dream, like one of these days I will wake up and things will be completely different. Who I am right now cannot possibly be the person who I once was and who I really am. Everything is hazy and I can’t remember that person clearly but I feel like I know that he exists, he’s just lost. This barely makes sense to me as a write it and I don’t think I would ever be able to explain it clearly […]
I’m scared. Everything in my life is spiraling out of control.
I’m a failure. My family and friends are trying to support me, but all I can feel is their pity. And I hate it. I hate it so much. I just want to get away from everyone, and away from reality. I want to get drunk. Like so drunk that I don’t even know what’s happening, and just stay that way. And not have any worries.
I want to scream, and cry, and fucking hit something. I feel so angry and mad and.. I just don’t think I’m cut out for life. I paint a smile […]
He’s stood by my side through my depression, went above and beyond, more than anyone else would ever even think about. He stayed with me after my last attempt and tried to get me help. I can’t explain how much i owe him. Now though I’m nothing more than a burden. He see’s me as a parasite and i can see it in his eyes when he’s angry hed love nothing more than to squash me like one. Or if i just dropped dead everything would be ok for him, everything would be better. I’ve been on meds for a year now and they have […]
I’ve recently moved countries (From America to South Korea) and I know I’m depressed. Theres no doubt about it. I’ve been depressed since i was in 6th grade, so for about 3 years now. And I’ve made up my mind that I’m going to kill myself very soon. People tell me everything’s going to get better but for the past 3 years, everything has been getting worse and worse. I found out about the medicine ******** I believe, but I’m still working on how to get it. I’m 16 and I’ll obviously need a parents permission. I just want this process sped up. But i […]
Even in sleep my mind is filled with thoughts that all come back to the same finality.
As I have been unable to work for almost 2 years, the old grey matter hasn’t been getting much of a work out, say for the odd long walk with my dog’s. There are some times several days where the 3 of us just stay in our own little ‘nest’, only surfacing about 20 minutes before my other half arrives home, and painting on that smile that says everything is ok.
Then it’s a few cans of lager, my sleeping meds, and a few blessed hours of rest. This time […]
I’m so fucking done with this household and this “family”. I’m tired of being taken advantage of, of being the only one that works, the only one that keeps the fucking lights on, the only one that carries the fucking world on their shoulders and is still expected to do everything. I haven’t even gotten the chance to sleep today, fuck I’ve only gotten four hours to carry me the last 24 hours! But no, they still need me to do more and run all their god damn errands and run their welfare asses around like I’m their god damn taxi driver. They can all […]
Sorry I’m different. Sorry I like different music. Sorry I’m not perfect. Sorry I’m bisexual. Sorry I’m depressed. Sorry I have low self esteem. Sorry I hate myself. Sorry I’m a fuck up. Sorry I’m not who you wanted me to be Mum. Sorry I don’t get all A’s. Sorry I’m not smart. Sorry I’m not beautiful. Sorry I don’t get solos in choir. Sorry I waste your money Dad. Sorry I do what I can to get out of the house because I hate it there. Sorry I’m not athletic. Sorry I can’t do everything you want me to do Mum and Dad. Sorry […]
scarsI don’t know what to do anymore.. I battle with severe anxiety, depression, insomnia and anger issues.I try my hardest to be what they want me to be.. the perfect daughter. Have the perfect grades, I was working 2 jobs but I just can’t cope any more. I’m lost. Dropped out of school at 15. Quit one job. Have barely any shifts at the other one. I blow up at everyone over everything. I can’t help myself .I cry everynight trying to think of new ways to be perfect… I tried cutting… It just wasn’t my thing so I started burning myself. The pain […]
When can I leave? I want so badly to go now to just fade away. But I can’t. I promised myself I would wait till my parents were gone. So here I am waiting, forever waiting till the time when I can cease to exist. There is nothing for me here and there never can be. I only destroy everything and create pain for those around me. Around people but never part of anything, no connection. Alone. And hurting.
I give up on everything. I don’t see the point anymore.
Today felt different. Not really a good or bad different. I went to work today as I had been out the last few days due to the fact I was not mentally able to go. Today was just a strange day. I did my normal routines, handled my normal business. I spoke very little. A couple co-workers told me I was a “bit off” today. They asked if everything was alright. I assured them everything was fine – from my perspective anyways.
The ride home from work was different too. The sun was well past its zenith, the shadows were long, a light breeze in the […]
Hi. My name is mike. I’m only 22 and I have two sons. My life has been a train wreck. In had my second son with a woman who stole my heart. She is my everything. I messed up in the beginning of the relationship, talking to other girls online. She found out later after we got married. Yea we worked passed it but we had problems thru out the marriage. I was always drinking when I got emotional and down. I threatened to cut myself or not take my insulin. Things I should of never done. We would have problems an I would run […]
It’s so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That’s above and beyond everything else, and it’s not a mental complaint-it’s a physical thing. Like it’s physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. So you just keep quiet.
Why movie , game , novel , comics , book , anime/manga , human’s IMAGINATION is FAR much better than this boring Reality / real world / real life ??
by niki
written by niki
Why movies is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why video games is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why novels is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why comics is much better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
Why anime/manga is better & more interesting than this boring Reality / real world / real life ?
in conclusion :
Why human’s IMAGINATION is better & more interesting than this boring […]