Why do I remember still? Why can’t I forget? And why do they keep reminding me how useless I am???… I just want to escape everything… be happy and free for once… I don’t care if I fall asleep and never wake up again… in fact, I welcome that..
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everything
My story is different. I never thought I would end up here, but here I am, struggling with everything. I can’t remember the last time I was happy.
In the spring of 2012, I met my best friend. Let’s call her Anna. She was pregnant and we instantly began doing everything together. My boyfriend and his best friend and me and Anna would do everything together. She had her son in August and everything changed after that. She was always a mild person. Never got into any trouble. From September 2012-June 2013, the four of us got into all kinds of things we shouldn’t have. Drugs, […]
I found the only thing stronger than grief, pain, and despair its name is what we call fear
On the 31 of july i woke up whit just one thougth on my head the thougth of dying i planned everything that very morning, yeah i even wrote here i just needed to talk myself off before well you know crossing over, im not a writer so im going to say the things as they happened and everything i felt on my self frustrated “try”
I phone called my gradfather in order to check if he was going to be in home (nobody suspect my condition, yeah im […]
My favourite quote: ” If you don’t understand mental illness, good. Good for you. You shouldn’t have to understand. If you don’t understand why some people can’t get out of bed in the morning, good. I hope you jump out of bed ever single day; ready to take the world by storm. If you don’t understand how someone could drag a blade across their skin, good. I hope you’re never that desperate to feel something. If you don’t understand what would drive a girl to keep starving herself despite everything she’s lost in the process, good. Stay heavy & present & real. If you don’t […]
I am 21 years old. About to drop off college. Lives with a depressed mother. Jobless. Everyone i know really doesn’t care except for my mother. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I can imagine my friends doing fine without me. Maybe getting out of their lives is just what they need to see their own lives and silver linings. I feel like disease and i want to shut myself from the world. I lied about everything. Its my 6th year in college trying to finish up a two year course and i hate it so bad that i feel like im […]
This is a brief story of the past few years of my life nothing to something I guess. I’ve always just put one foot in front of the other I’ve tried a few times and was saved on all occasions I put my family and self through hell then I ran away from home I left everything behind and moved in with my best mate,things were good for awhile but I got into weed which agian not so bad but my best mate sister and her boyfriend did ice on a regular basis so I started that aswell,things went to shit fairly quickly I broke […]
What makes you think you know what’s best for you?
What makes you think you know what’s right and what’s wrong?
What makes you think you know the difference between good and bad?
What makes you think you know what you’re doing?
What makes you think you know everything?
No worth in putting up with bullshit just to save nothing but a pathetic little thing ready to be thrown away. I see a lot of people marking their leaving with their birthday. Well, mine is this Tuesday. Still stumped on what I should do. I only thought of it today. I almost have no motivation to even come on SP anymore. But my mind is clearer when i expel my muddled brain somewhere. And, well, if I’m going to do it, may as we’ll keep it hidden from the real world and be able to go through with everything more easily.
Would love to just run away from everything, start new then return better and feeling normal
Unknown,unremarkable,underground
She use to shine,now abyss
Soul killing loneliness
The desolation of the condemned
Even in this desert she canot love herself
The end is coming,but first she must burn
The ecstasy of love now a stabbing memory
You got your chance,you did not hold him close
Youve ruined everything you ever loved
Your disregard,your demands
Youre a killer,a destroyer
So many conversations,you told your story
So many times that it seemed true
You keep forgetting the lie is still inside you
It squirms,it sickens,it must be let out
Kicking and screaming,no graceful exit
Explosive decompression
Theres nothing left to burn,nor bury
Youre a casualty of yourself
Pulled apart,you must wait here alone
Night is coming and I promise you sleep
Night is coming
I have no creative outlet or any way to express myself because nobody wants to hear my doom and gloom, so I just bottle everything up and become more jaded each day. There’s nothing to look forward to but all that is dead and lifeless, like video games or computers. I’m not looking forward to college because I’m already tired of living a life that is all about money, and I don’t want a relationship because all of my experiences have been weak and disappointing, and I’m not too fond of human nature anyways. It feels like I will have to choose suicide as an […]
I feel so selfish for even feeling this way. My life isn’t even bad, but I feel so utterly lost and confused about everything. I feel like no matter how hard I try the people around me aren’t happy with me. I feel like I’m not allowed to think or feel or act how I want, that my parents and uncle and boyfriend want to control those things for me.
I constantly think about how I wish I could crawl under a giant rock and just disappear. Because I’m too cowardly for suicide, and anyway I don’t have access to the things I want to use […]
A love
I wish I could handle well so that my smile could be real
I am sorry but I want to have a contract which lasts forever
If you are the one, if you were the one
This tablet does not do to me at all today
I will take one more to see if everything changes
If you were the one
Attention please attention pleaaaaaassszzzu
You know that, you know who I love
My mask is not old, I can still use it
Everything is for you
I just need someone to talk to… I’m clinically depressed / recovering suicidal, and everything feels terrible now.
More info in the comments.
Life is so tough and BDD makes everything worse…
The last time I went to the psychiatrist I was diagnosed with depression and the Dr. recommended antidepressants, I refused to accept the “treatment”, I know those stupid pills ain’t gonna solve my problem, probably plastic surgery and aesthetic treatments will do.I’m really sure I got BDD, I have all the symptoms, I even explained my situation on experice project and some users who also have BDD agreed with me.
I just wanna sleep forever…BDD it’s a living hell, the tiniest skin blemish can drive you mad, I to make things even worse I got acne blemishes and they […]
So I’ve been fighting with depression through high school and so on, due to relationship troubles (or the lack thereof). But after graduation and freshman year of college was where it nearly killed me. (Twice.)
Winter quarter, I met the love of my life. Everything about her was perfect, except for her abusive family. She would cry in my arms each night, telling me horror stories of her childhood and adulthood. Months passed, and we helped each other through the days. Around Valentine’s Day, she hadn’t spoken with me for three days, so being the idiot like I was, I thought nothing of it.
Until I got […]
I was born to parents with a failing marriage. My father is an alcoholic and cocaine addict, now in recovery. My father cheated on my mom which eventually led to divorce. I still don’t know the real reason behind what happened. My father was barely honorably discharged from the military. Since I started school I would take in everything and not do any work and not turn anything in. Before you ask, no I do not have ADHD or any clinical diagnosis besides chronic depression. I am an avid musician, I’ve traveled Europe with a music group..I still want to end this life though. I’ve […]
Who am I?
I am close to 30, I am employed, I am appreciated at work, I love my mother, I have a somewhat understandable relationship with my father, I have 8 brothers and sisters, I have some friends, I had girlfriends in the past, I have a future.
From the age of 15 I felt weary of life, having a photographic memory and an IQ of 155, I know I can be whoever I want and do whatever I want. I excel in everything I put my mind to, but at the end of the day the only thing I wish for is to put a […]
hi i guess , im new here , i guess im will tell you my story , sorry if this gets boring. im here because i needed something to let out everything thats bottled up in side of me . i dont have a sad story and people may think that why do i do this because i havent gone through enough , i havent been bullied or abused or any strong like that. ive been self harming for about 1 and a half years , the reason is because im in love , i cant have him , he is my best friend , […]
So I haven’t slept anything tonight either. It seems it has become somewhat an habit of mine, not sleeping that is. My brain’s a gooey mess, and I find myself at the edge of sanity yet again.
I don’t know what’s worse, living in this blurry world of mine in a zombie like state, wasting time, almost not existing… Feeling this emptyness… It’s funny… No Mather how shit everything feels, if you take away one of the human essentials it actually gets worse. I just miss seeing things clearly, ya know? Sleeplessness is fogging up my fucked up mind and I feel so powerless.
but as I […]