I wish i could go back  and do things differently. Now im stuck. I guess thats just the way life goes, although I know I would die if I knew I could come back new. i didnt know someone my age could carry so much regret. It only really hurts when I see something that that reminds me, like today i saw the snack gummies that we used to eat whilst we stayed up all night long watching stupid movies. I did everything you asked of me, and would literally have pulled my heart out and given it to you if you needed it. How […]
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I met this guy over the summer. He goes to an ivy league school and was doing a summer internship at a very well known investment banking company. Perfect 10. If finance doesn’t work out for him, which it will, he could become a model, date a celebrity and never work a day in his life again. Turns out he was gay so we slept together and that was that, and I knew that was that. A few months later he added me on Facebook which I thought was significant because I’d never even told him my name. As usual everything in my head ran […]
Hi, it’s really hard to bring myself to write this, but I need help. Every time I feel really down or thoughts that I might be depressed come to mind I just ignore it. I don’t really have it, yeah, it will go away. And it does, for about 5 minutes.
And I just feel so weak. I used to think that I was invincible when I was a child, everything was possible. But now, I don’t even have a goal in life. I feel empty on the inside.
I already did everything I wanted to do in life, I think it’s time.
I used […]
Lately a lot of things have been happing , i have the good moments and the bad moments. for some reason the only thing i worry about or pay attention to is the bad ones. Its gets all stuck in my head and cant get out ! I feel like its carved in my damn head !!
when im alone , or laying down after a bad day. Everything from that day that was bad hits me and thats all i can think about. And I begin t0 cry ! EVERY SINGLE TIME!
So im really heartbroken that my now x bf the one that helped me with everything and to get back up and feel good about my self has been cheating on me from the very beginning. Ill be taking my leave for about 2 days or maybe 2 weeks but ill try to get on a write something good for you guys. Good bye.
for once i felt finally okay
i felt good
i felt like i was going to recover soon
but then it came crashing down
this wave of depression
it hit me and it hurt me
everything started coming back again
the nightmares, the voices, everything
the urge to cut is greater now
ive found out more ways to hurt myself
it doesnt do any good though
but i do like and i dont know why
i started eating full meals
a few days ago
but now that has changed
i can feel my family stare
as i go to get food
judging me
watching me
Last night, i worked 12 hour so i’ll be making $82 from that. sounds like a lot right, not really. Tomorrow i got to work again from 2pm to 8pm thankfully and i’ll probably be working by myself. Â there is this woman at my work, and she’s a supervisor, manager or something but basically she’s my boss and she’s definitely bossy but it’s sexy, you know? is it just me or does anyone else find bossy women sexy? she was giving me attitude and kind of pissed me off but i was turned on then she was talking to someone and stuck her ass out […]
im sorry i havent been around lately, things were getting better and then worse again… you know, the ussual…. but this time, i think im realy done… ive picked my best 4 options, and have started to subtily say my goodbyes… its hard to fully explain everything as many of you would know. and although i feel a need to, i wont.. because its quite impossible…
just know that i did try, and that the help ppl have tried to give me, did matter…Â it gave me a couple more years to make sure that this is what is best…Â there is no place for me […]
As I contemplate this thing called life I can’t help but get Sad, Furious, and frustrated. Why would anyone put me on this planet let alone birth me. I DONT WANT TO BE HERE does anyone understand. Cause if you do thats great. I’m pissed off and unstable with emotion right now so I put into my writing. I don’t want anyone knowing my secret. Although plenty do so why not just say it, the world knows anyways. Everyone knows everything because that’s how it is.
This world is not hell. hell is something we walk around with all our lives. It’s basically in my back […]
im in the studio right now, and I’m having a break down. i can’t do this. i want to talk to him so badly. i can’t stop freaking out. i want to talk to him. i can’t. i want to graduate. i want my work to be great. i want a good life. i want him in my life forever, but not as friends. i want him to know how much i love him and care about him and how insane he is. all i want is to be with him, to graduate, and to get a job. i fucking sitting in the corner right […]
I tried hanging myself, did an overdose of prescriptions. Tried everything and I am still alive. Is it because I am too scared to go far or is it because I don’t really want to die. I wonder why life is so horrible. I am really religious. I used to think that God planned out our futures. I used to that God controlled everything. I used to think that God had the ability to make you happy but he doesn’t. If he really does have that power, why doesn’t he end my life right now. That would make me happy. If God meant for life […]
I’m trying really hard to be strong, but it’s really difficult and I’m having a really hard time. number one priority, i HAVE to graduate. i spent hours in the studio tonight and will spend hours in the studio tomorrow. but then there are all my other classes. i can’t look at his messages, it will make me fail, and that’s exactly what he wants. i have no time for a social life. i miss him so badly, but not his insanity. how cruel can he be?! he keeps seeing how badly he can hurt me. I’m so heartbroken and I’m trying so hard […]
ive fucking had it. it’s 9 am. I’m tired as shit. i have more shit to do than i have time to do it. i don’t even fucking have time for a social life. I’m doing everything i possibly fucking can. all i want to do is graduate. at the top of my list. stop making my life so fucking hard and miserable. my skin is the worst it’s ever been and it won’t get better because I’m so fucking stressed. he keeps me talking till fucking late as shit then i have to get up early. i don’t have time for this. he doesn’t […]
I just wish I can go back in time where happiness really did exist and where you didn’t have to think about smiling bc it just happend when you were truly happy and not having to fake it . I just wish I can go back in time where your sister was your true best friend and had that sister relationship that no one can break , where you told eachother everything and stood up for eachother And cared about one another . I just wish I can go back in time  when your best friends were really your best friends the ones you call […]
“What’s on your mind” what a way to greet someone a suicide blog haha.. I don’t really know what to write in this as I’m new so.. I guess I’ll start out by saying hi. my name is Kay (well that’s my nickname I want to stay anonymous just in case haha) Jesus I sound really happy or something when I’m writing this but I’m the complete opposite to happy which is what has led to me to this website. I’m an ordinary 17 year old from Ireland but I just have a lot on my mind. Right now I’m not in a good place. […]
Normally I would’ve put my poem here, but it’s too hard not believe it. Everything is collapsing. My friends are gone. My music is fading out. My happiness, which is my friends happiness, is slowly disappearing. I guess now it’s my turn. It’s been a long road. It’s been painful. How am I supposed to stay with all this pain pushing me down?
So these dreams that I have they are all from that voice I hear and shadow I see. All these dreams of gruesome murders I hate it. They don’t stop first it was Adam even though he passed that thing uses him against me in my dreams. Then my dad he passed away so much blood and gunshots that from that day I hated loud noises. In my dreams he makes me remember everything that happened that day. Then my cousins brother I forgot how he looked but I remember he committed suicide by hanging himself. So in the dreams he has a blank face […]
So i get blamed for everything when it comes around my friends. They fight they put me in the middle they stop talking “omg its all your fault you shouldnt even got in it the first place” um excuse you ***** youre the one putting me in the middle of this shit so how about you fuck off you fucking ****. Relationship ends they tell me to help them cause they dont what to do i tell them straight up facts of why it didnt work “omg youre not even helping dont even try anymore okay even if i listen itll end and its going […]
I need to push them away… but I don’t want to at the same time…
by sleepxdeath
written by sleepxdeath
Once again… I feel like pushing people away. Fought with myself a few times recently… I tend to forget, but when I do remember, its hell for me. I am terrified of that same feeling. Having others makes promises that I might actually break it. Just for there best. Just to protect them. I can’t do this anymore. I’m suffering even more. It feels like everything was just a waste of time. Like a pathetic dream that never occurred. But it did happen.
Everything good always dies. And I really despise that feeling.
well damn everything is falling in place now. i had some really bad troubles with ppl. and life and things have been really hard for me lately. to where i thought i really had no part in this world. but im moving i have a new guy im talking to and having fun with friends and stuff. life just threw me a curve ball. but it got back straight.