I have a thousand fucks, but don’t give one
Spending my last days watching the setting sun
The lies I tell myself, to continue this charade
The painful memories streaming by in parade
Lights out, hit the racks
Bag up my ashes in a paper sack
Elation creeping up my spine
For on this poison I shall dine
As blissful silence
Replaces self inflicted violence
My kind of suicide isn’t suicide at all, as funny as that may sound.
The way I see it is that I don’t have to take my own life, life will take it for me. All I have to do is live. I mean, even if I get stricken with cancer I can be thankful I won’t live to an old age where I’m helpless, just get it over with. That’s worth the pain I think. I’ve seen an old friend die of cancer, in comparison to other ways one can go out, it didn’t seem that bad the way it hit him quick. And […]
This is the first time I’ve ever publically posted/said that I am in as much pain as I am. I’ve hidden it for years, even when I was a young teen. When I was little I thought everybody had bad days like mine: times when the world looked grey, when even speaking was difficult, when my soul felt sucked from me. I’m too afraid to truly come out and tell anyone around me how I really feel. They’ll all just say “Just put on a smile and look on the bright side” or “It’ll be okay, just buck up”. Can’t anyone see that I can’t […]
I’ve not always concealed my emotions. But ‘Never ever would I be caught in a vulnerable state again’, that was my promise to myself, that is my promise to myself. But I find that my promise is causing an unhealthy balance of sadness and the want and need of escape.  Holding everything inside is causing random explosions of emotion and confusion as to which causes me to question everything. Even the stable facts that I already know the truth about. The world in my eyes quaking and the  voice in my head screaming/ yelling.  I distance myself. Pull my heart out from within and lose […]
always yelling always talking about me like I’m not there. My dad died when i was eight he was the only one of a family of six that i loved. Once he went suicidal and left me all alone i don’t know what to do. My mom has become a different person and is always complaining about everything i do. She does not understand that i try to do everything I can do right. I make good grades I try to be happy and i give advice to others. Sometimes when i ask for advice or when i need comfort. Nobody is there to give […]
Haha, such a funny word.
I wish I had one, a life.
Full of excitement and being cheerful.
But, no. I am nothing to anyone.
Constantly alone, no one to turn to. Completely alone.
I just want to mean something, to feel important to someone.
Just someone save me from this pathetic life I live.
Tomorrow I have my first therapy session… to be honest I am nervous, but really excited. I’m determined to go in there knowing what I want to accomplish and making it happen. I really hope the excitement I’m feeling about getting help is something that one day everyone can feel as well.. I want to be happier and healthier. I will make this change.
Sorry if this is the wrong place to put this, but i needed to say something to let stuff out for once. My life has not been very terrible, I just feel it was an unsuccessful one. I have known i wasn’t going to make it very long since i was 13, I would try to imagine myself doing normal things like getting a drivers license or dating but i just couldn’t see it or feel it. My father was physically abusive to my sister and mother and emotionally abusive to me, my mother divorced him when i was 2 but she was scared and had an unlucky choice […]
I was scared because I haven’t really felt anything at all in ages. No sadness, no happiness, no pain, no tears, no fear, no excitement, no laughter, no love, no hate. Just apathy and indifference. And not feeling anything scares the shit out of me, because I think that feeling all these emotions, good and bad, make everything real. And nothing felt real. And for a while it was good, because often feeling nothing is better than the level of pain I feel at times. But then feeling numb gets cold and sad and even more depressing than the sadness itself.
But this morning I […]
Feeling really lost at the moment.
I am currently studying for exams and doing my final essays for the year, the results i have gotten back have been great and usually when i get an A or A+ i can’t contain how happy i am, this excitement usually gives me energy for the next essay and so on.
However i have realised recently that i will never be happy with myself. And my life is not going to be better if i get good grades.
I can’t believe having good grades and excelling in school was a replacement so i didn’t have to face the reality that […]
I’m not going to kill myself. Not now. All of the low points I’ve gone through in my mind I feel I’ve caused. If I were to ever take myself out of this world, I would hope that it wouldn’t be because of others, or the world. It would have to be strictly because I felt as though I would never escape my mind. I’ve been told that I am articulate, but I disagree. I can’t process any of my thoughts anymore. Even writing this is taking longer than it should. I realize that it’s not my time to go yet. When I was really […]
so tired…. living a dull and boring life…
not only that, even after having fun with friends and doing other fun stuffs, the excitement won’t last, only an hour after, keep reverting to my suicidal state
anyone here knows how to hibernate? I want to hibernate and wake up when amazing events started, like war or zombie apocalypse
or anyone knows how to create secondary personality? I want to delegate my boring life to him, and take over when amazing events started, like war or zombie apocalypse
I finally made an account. I’ve spent all afternoon reading and I identify entirely with feeling like I’m in a slump. The worst part as I see it is the apathy. The complete loss of excitement for all the little things that used to make me smile and worse yet, the utter lack of care for whomever’s emotions will be affected by my last action on this earth.
I’m 21, completely hopeless, and scared for what lies ahead. I don’t want to disappoint my wife of four months, but with all the fighting I think she’d be better off. I seldom socialize anymore, I dropped […]
I always have great imagination, i can simulate what’s going to happen in the near future
but what i see is always a dull boring life, of course i also tried challenging and less predictable activities like mountain climbing and ruins exploring, but in the end nothing happened and i went back to my boring life
I always wished i would just kick the bucket during one of my journeys, but to no avail. I have always survived and while it was a refreshing experience, the excitement won’t last even for a day, daily life is just too boring god……..
as much as i wished for a “switch […]
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