She wonders if anyone else could smell that. The rust and dirt on the brick path beneath her feet, the damp smell of the lake at the end of the trail. Could anyone else hear the soft patter of her cats paws following her as a baby from a distant home stirs and is about to wake. Finally, she veers off the path into the moonlit grassy area closest to the waters edge. An unknown creature moves in the water. She holds her left arm with her right as crimson lava exudes out of cuts drawn on her forearm. A breeze comes off of the […]
Tag:
Fades
You see that girl who smiles brightÂ
She’s not the same late at night
Her smile slowley fades awayÂ
When shes sure everyones gone awayÂ
Tears gather in her eyes
She doesnt care, she lets them slide
Pain burning deep inside
Leaving her no bright side
She uses the razor to help her out
To help her make it thorugh the night
The blood runs down her armÂ
Leaving a deadly trace of self-harmÂ
But the pains only gone for nowÂ
It won’t stop it’s made it’s vowÂ
But now she’s all done for todayÂ
And she’ll wear her bright smile just like any other day
I’m no longer myself anymore. I’ve morphed into something so beautiful, yet so fragile. Like a butterfly. I started off as a small egg. Then I was hatched, brought into a world where there were larger things than I. Things that were sure to destroy me. I was pummeled and shown horrors no little caterpillar should. All the while I spent my time absorbing and eating up the words that were viciously thrown at me. I chose to listen. I guess eventually the little caterpillar me had had enough,so I formed walls around me. I was to stay there forever. Safe, and warm, and perfectly […]
my friend took his own life on march 18, 2013. he gambled with his own life as he spun the cylinder to his prized .45 revolver, looked dead into his best friend’s eyes and pulled the trigger… he had a 1 in 6 chance of death and he took that- he left no warnings before hand… i dont think he thought it would go off… Â but it did… and now he’s gone…….. he thought he had no one but his best friend- and even then, he knew he was gonna move in with his girlfriend and Robert would be homeless and living in his […]
A bit of personal history: I was once a top student in my Primary school and was subsequently admitted to a Secondary school of repute. I can say that this is the heyday of my life. Things starts to get sour in my third year and confidence in my ability seemed to drain away when I failed consistently to score despite all my efforts. No matter how hard I try, I just could not get it. It is the feeling of ‘I worked so hard but got so little while others have it made for them with brighter minds. It is so unfair that anyone […]
I still have nothing.
I have everything that I could ever want, but it means absolutely nothing. No matter how good things get, I still feel empty. I don’t think anyone could ever fill me up all the way; I don’t think it’s possible. I still try to fix myself. We bought an expensive ring, put it on my finger, and I was happy for a month. I tell myself that I’m happy over and over and over again, but it doesn’t change a thing. What if I changed everything? I could call off the wedding, start over again, and… and what? I don’t think I’d […]
I am a 29 year old male. I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. I have attempted suicide several times, I chose to believe that perhaps there was a reason why I survived. As if there a purpose to my existence. However at this point I have abandoned that frail belief and have chosen to give up completely. I can not remember most of my past, the memories are there but they have become so faded and blurry I can no longer distinguish the realities of my past with the vibrant thoughts of my once over active imagination.
The first attempt […]
I hide with you all in this world
through glass and paint
we reach
through glass and paint
the barriers confine us
these walls around us
surround us
define us
when hands out
you recoil
in this way you are like me
you wear masks like me and speak in whispers
like me
so quiet
speaking so softly
until it fades away
no
stand
looking up
jaw clenched
hands trembling
defiance burning
scream
the glass
Shatter
I’m scarred.
I have wounds on my body that won’t heal.
I’m tainted.
I have thoughts raging in my mind that won’t be silenced.
I’m desperate,
to find the place in which I know I belong.
I’m lonely.
Living in a house with no one to come home to.
I’m terrified,
that my life has meaning that I won’t discover.
I’m “different”.
I don’t share your thoughts, your opinions, or your ideas.
I’m tempted,
to end it all and move on to another world.
I’m tormented,
by the thoughts and the screams that I hide with a smile.
I’m healing.
Because these scars are only skin deep.
I’m learning,
to love myself and allow others to love […]
Within this twilight world
Lies emptiness and hate
I seek an epic journey
So that I might escape
Far away from this reality
To a world of ignorant bliss
I come from pain and torment
To embrace salvations kiss
I welcome a moment of hope
As short as it may be
But the hope always fades
And I am left empty
The Butterfly Project, for everyone who self-harm or who cares about self-harmers <3
by Engeltje
written by Engeltje
A while ago I read something about The Butterfly Project. It’s a project to help self-harmers to stop with self-harm. I wanted to share this with the people here, so I decided to make a post with the rules and how to. I am also a cutter for exactly one year now. I really want to join this project one day, but I feel I’m not ready for it yet.
The Butterfly Project
The Rules:
1. When you feel like you want to cut, take a marker, pen, or sharpies and draw a butterfly on the place you want to cut.
2. Name the butterfly after […]
Suicidal people are some of the deepest people that exist. Why might that be?
Maybe it’s because our soul is a big black hole, a bottomless pit, much like our minds.
There’s no ground, and no ceiling, it just fades to blackness, in the back of our minds.
Maybe it’s because we’re not afraid of going to hell, because we’ve already been.
This makes us incredibly strong, yet hopelessly weak.
I still hate myself, and i’m still struggling to make it through the day without crying.
At night, I still find myself wanting to die.
But what good would that do? I want my life to get better– not destroyed. Â But in order for my life to get better, I need to make a move. I need to get out more- see the world, and try to see the good in it. Living my life hiding away from everyone won’t do anything good, I need to change that- I can’t hide forever. I need to meet new people. The thing is, how am I supposed to […]
So here is my story..
i am a 22 year old female and I’ve never been more lost in my life. I really don’t know why..i have a great family, friends, job etc…but i feel empty, i cant control the way i act, think, or feel. its like someone else takes over and i cant even find myself.  What i find most difficult is to explain how i feel. No words can really express it. I’m usually just all over the place. Say one thing, do another. I’m not exactly sure what i want and I’m very indecisive. i worry about absolutely everything and when i even try to […]
Life is looking beautiful. As I’m finally looking up at seeing that there’s so much more than darkness. Everyday though there’s still the time when the sun finally goes down and the light slowly fades. There’s always the moon after the sun and stars to help shine light upon us. Some shine brighter than others but those others are still shining but then you have the stars that have burnt out and faded. Reminds me of life on the ground. Life is beautiful. Life is every where. Some of us fall an most of us stand up. Don’t give up guys. Remember, sadness is contagious. […]
I’ve been going through the motions for a few years, now. Living on autopilot, mostly. I occasionally do something nice for myself; traveling to China and Europe and getting a new car and cool new toys. Sometimes that makes me forget. Sometimes it makes me question my decision. It always fades, though, and the reality always returns to embrace me and remind me why. I always smile and accept, too; death is a light at the end of my tunnel. I look forward to it, but it is something I cannot allow myself to have just yet; I am still needed. There is someone very […]
According to my great grandmother i am an Old Soul. My spirit has been here a long time. I have a very strong connection to the spirit world. I see things that no one would ever want to see. Knock it if you want, everyone else thinks i am crazyu anyways. I can see spirits, and not only people i know. I have seen ghostly deaths countless times, i have seen the wraths tear people in half. No one ele can see them, no one i know. I can’t sleep, i haven’t slept for three days now. This will continue until i pass out and […]
Hey all,
I know this forum isn’t the best place for this post, but I just wanted to talk to someone and tell someone how I feel.
It was a pretty busy day for me. I talked a lot to other people ( 2 persons). But when I came home today I felt so down and depressed. I don’t know why, but somehow I lost interest in life. Every second day I feel so depressed for no particular reason. I don’t think I am depressed or suffer from an other brain illness, its just that I put my life in a state where I disconnected absolutely from […]
Those eyes are the most beautiful hue of blue I have ever seen. Eyes associated with a complexion that forces even the moon to dull in shine. Surrounding this perfect entity is bliss. A crude seduction is overwhelming as I feel a confidence rise up within me. We are perfect for each other and everyone knows it. My knees go weak knowing he senses my pull towards him. As he walks over to present his hand, all the eyes in the room are fixed on us. I accept. Gorgeous does no justice to the angelic footsteps gliding me around the room. My cheeks turn red as […]
Nobody understands why cutting is an addiction. Nobody understands why when I’m angry or sad, my first thought it to bleed, my next is to feed my drug addiction. Nobody understands that I’d be able to quit drugs easier than I would be able to quit cutting. I wrote this last night in hopes of trying to eliminate the confusion. I hope this poem is acknowledged.
Have you ever been hurt?
But I don’t mean for real.
I mean the kind that can’t be seen,
the kind only you can feel.
You keep it to yourself
the feelings you’ve come to accept.
But still, every time […]
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