I’m a selfish person for thinking about killing myself is what I keep hearing from family. I have a special sensitivity and I see the world and people and I see their hearts, all of their bitterness, coldness, ambition: the same things I see in myself sometimes. I don’t belong here. Maybe afterlife will bring me to where God is, a heaven better than this place. I’m here because I’m guilt tripped into staying here by my family. I don’t find happiness in earthly things and I certainly don’t like being judged constantly. I just want to BE. Can that place be found here? I […]
Hello all,
This is my first post on here, and I’m hoping to get some feedback about my situation and if I should be taking some sort of action towards it. A little background to the life that led me to this site. I have cystic fibrosis, a degenerative disease that currently holds the life expectancy at 37. I am also pre-diabetic and if this carries it’s course then my life expectancy will drop to a whopping 24. I am currently 19 and these two numbers have haunted the majority of my thoughts for quite some time now. I have not had an easy run at […]
It’s been hard, very hard, there are times in which I was fine, others in which I was simply “better”, I feel simply weak, like I’ve seen people passing for things so much more complicated than me and yet I keep asking myself. Why to live? What is the meaning of all this? Why keep feeling all this sadness, I can’t fix some things, I can’t fix my life and I can’t talk with anyone about these things, I don’t have family or friends to speak about it, that’s hard, having to act like I’m fine, HAVING to be fine,why do I have to be […]
I am ready to go. My family hates me. I am all alone. I am taking Tylenol and drinking alcohol. I have my letter ready for my parents and society to read. This is all of society’s fault.
I fell the pain vibrating in my skull.
I just clench my jaw and force the smile to stay on my face.
The voices ask why I even continue.
Well the singing wills me to stay strong just a little longer.
It takes an army to build me up.
But it only takes a few to knock me down.
What’s encouraging me to stay?
My mom once told me the most selfish thing you can do is take your own life.
I once said I took eight Advils.
She said she would give me the Heimlich right there at that moment.
Maybe life’s hard right now. But it’s not forever.
Some day I’ll leave this life.
And […]
“not enough” The message that’s been drove into me since a child, sometimes directly but mostly indirectly through culture and family. As a Christian why should I feel like I’m not enough? Because that’s all I know on this earth right now. I find myself discouraged, not enough drive, “not enough good grades, you’re a failure , your faith is not strong enough, your mind is twisted.” The messages clouding my mind, not irrational, for they are loud and clear coming from the family and pastors. Perhaps I’m just prideful when I come up with the idea that, “hey, maybe all this pressure and constant […]
I feel like it’s time. But I don’t want it to be. I made a promise to myself, you see. I promised to wait until I was 21 to find something to live for.
Even though I really want to wait, I’m just tired. Waiting is probably the best way to describe my life and I feel like I can’t take it. Also, my head hurts all the time, without apparent reason. I don’t want to feel pain anymore, but I don’t want others to suffer because of me.
I’ve always prefered to be hurt if that means that someone doesn’t. Maybe that didn’t make […]
Okay, normally I don’t like talking to anyone especially my family but this time I was kinda forced. So me and my sister started to talk and then she mentions taking antidepressants and I just start having this major panic attack and just ran away from home for a couple of hours. I don’t understand why I panicked so much.
i don’t know why this is on my mind. just life is full of bullshit and people think I’m fucking crazy for being suicidal and when i tell them they just say I’m selfish and shouldn’t be like this. they just don’t understand. i put on a front and act happy round my family but no one really knows who i truly am and how i feel. life is just bullshit man
Why movies are better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why movie is better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why reality is boring ?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality ( human’s fantasy is better than reality )
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, X-Men, Marvels & DC universe / movies , The Avengers , Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Naruto, Bleach, […]
I have clothes that remind me of better days,
When I was more carefree and had less of my woes.
I have jeans with rips at the knees,
That remind me of dancing, walking, hugging and fun.
I have novelty socks given to me in love,
From a beautiful mother who I no longer see.
I have hats and scarves that were presents,
From friends and lovers and family.
I have shirts that kissed her and felt love,
That were discarded in fits of yearning passion.
I have shorts that have jumped into the sea with me,
and spent long summers wondering coastal paths.
I am lucky. I have clothes
I’m not really sure what to say im new to this googling suicide crap. All night I been thinking about ways to kill myself how to do it. This isn’t the first suicide attempt. There’s been a few but overdoses never really work I end up being sick and well I failed. But tonight I just can’t cope anymore. It’s getting worse and worse I don’t get any help with my depression. I even told my support worker I’m going delusional. Funny thing is she thought it was nothing and signed me off that day! Tonight I even written a suicide note. First time and […]
Hey everyone, I don’t wanna waste your time with this one so I’ll be quick. I want to die, and personally feel that all those people trying to prevent suicide are inhumane. They say it’s never the answer, that your family will miss you, there’s so much to live for. Well, I won’t miss my family, they are the ones who’ve made my life a living hell with overbearing expectations, as well as giving birth to a child who never asked to be born with the body, and mind they have. I probably sound ungrateful.. and I don’t disagree with that, but the bad things […]
Day and night I want to die. I think what do I have to offer ? My son would be better off without me my wife already left me and its not like my parents would really give a flying crap that there stepson died. I have spent three months looking for a job and 2 of those months I never got to see my son. everyday the words die die die, kill your self, there better off without you plays through my head like the Masters drums. it just keeps getting worse and no matter what meds the doctors give me its still there. […]
2012. 2012 was the first time I came here. First time I set my eyes on the town called Elliot Lake. Unimpressive at first glance, and even at third. But it had a way of growing on me. Like a bad dream that had an encouraging meaning underneath the fear. The rehab center looks just like how I left it – except at night it seems to have a haunting glow of a bittersweet nostalgia.
The Oaks center. The family program. If there’s rehab for growing up in a fucked up broken home – this is the one. Program was a joke and it was horrible […]
It’s getting close to that. I should have killed myself already. The guy I love wants every woman in the world and all I want is him. And he might take off to go far out west where he said his dad’s been telling him to go live because the laws are the most lenient on people in his situation. He said it just got worse here making it more impossible for him to have a place to live. I do agree it’s rediculous. But it kills me. I can’t even touch him or hold him. I can’t live without him. He’s everything to me. […]
Today is one of those days when it’s difficult to just exist. When thinking is your worst enemy. When you just want to disappear.
Even though it hasn’t been a particularly bad day, nothing feels right. I’m such an useless pessimist.
-V
so my life started to begin to turn into hell when i reached the age of 4. my mom, who is asian (I’m not being racist, I’m saying that our culture heavily emphasizes the importance of education to the point its life or death, and i think that there is a limit but not according to my family.) introduced me to a tutor. i know that it doesn’t sound bad, but i promise you, its hell. I’m not the kid who complains about homework, not at all. as my life progressed, my family was a prideful family. too prideful. for example, when my brother started […]
It’s currently 12:54 AM and in less than an hour, my brother (basically the main reason why I’m alive today) will be leaving the country to live in Scotland. It’s a safe guess to say that today will be one of the hardest and saddest, if not the most, days I’ve lived. I don’t think I’m really prepared for this, at least emotionally.
I mean, he basically raised me. I really don’t know how this is going to affect my mental state, but as long as he’s happy, so am I.
After all, this will not be goodbye,
but until next time.
-V