How can I believe in love or marriage and having a happy family? I try to allow myself to want those things to believe they exists. Each time I try to do this the world shows me otherwise. I had a thing with this guy for a year and things weren’t working for us and I ended it. He popped back up now and turns out he has had a girlfriend for the last part of our thing. He wants to be together but I think that what he is doing is fucked up. I don’t understand why he would do this to her it’s […]
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family
As soon as I leave my place the world is against me. I can’t take it anymore. Stigma of mental illness and suffering. I am still six years old and highly sensitive. I long for a family and someone to care, who is there anymore. What is the best way to go home, I ask myself.
I’ve got to find a way to be ok, and I cannot.
My inheritance is not in the form of material possessions.
My inheritance is not written into my parents’ wills. It wasn’t written into their parents’ wills either.
Our family heirlooms take the form of sertraline, once a day, everyday.
Beta-blockers for anxiety.
Checking. Checking everything. Are the doors locked? Yes. I will check them again. And again.
And again.
I didn’t use the oven today, but I will still make sure it is off.
My inheritance is mood swings and fear. Insomnia and disordered eating. Addiction and self-doubt.
And just as I have inherited my brown hair and freckles, I have inherited all of these things too.
I’ve never been on here before but I wanted to know if anyone knows the least painful way to end your life I dont want my family to find me in a bad way
Still Hanging In There – Even If There Does Not Seem To Be Any Light In Sight
written by Justanotherfaintstar
I was twelve-years-old when I had my first thought about ending my life. I do not think that there was a specific event that triggered it. I think it was just an accumulation of many different events and circumstances that left me feeling helpless and completely out-of-tune to the world and my life. I did not have many close friends in school, and my family always seemed to jostle me back and forth with their demands and expectations. People saw me, but it did not feel like people took the moment to look back and actually acknowledge me and get to know me. As I […]
Dear God,
I know everyone has hard times in their life. I know people all go through different times, extents, and ways of bad. But I’m wondering why mine seems to be the worst case scenario on all accounts. I’m wondering why I can remember more bad times than good. I know there will be bad times. But there has to be good times too. I’m wondering why you took my mom away. Things seem just have gotten a different type of bad now that she’s gone. My step dad is now drinking himself to death and picking up all my moms old habits. Why […]
Hopefully this is not the end but it seems to be getting closer. I never thought I would be the type to quit the fight. However after 46 years it is getting harder to hang on. My depression and anxiety have spiraled so low that there seems like no light at the end of the tunnel.
People always say what about the friends and family you would be devastating, but what worth to them am I when the limits of my abilities is making dinner a night or two a week. My poor spouse has to work and go to school so she can get extra […]
hi ..I always feel lonely and unloved Im always afraid to try new things I always feel nervous when there’s a new event in my life it feels like I will do some mistakes again ..and I can’t think of any positive things maybe because of too many bad things happened to me when I was a kid ..I’m always bullied by my classmates and there’s no one like me because they said I’m ugly. even my mother and father always saying that I’m ugly and I’m just a thrash in their lives ..that’s really hurtful when it comes to your own family that your […]
Born poor
Mom, drug addict
Dad, never knew him
Family support, what is family?
Passed through the system
Flushed down the drain
I never had a chance
Death was the only choice
It was never my fault
My final words…
Why the fuck did you have me, *****?
So I’m gonna share one of the reasons that tempted me to end my life (Read my last post). So, I’m not really close to my father. He always works overseas. And I always thought he was a good guy, working his hardest for us, for his family. Then when I was around 10 years old, I heard my mom and dad fighting, me and my sisters were downstairs, trying to eat our lunch peacefully when suddenly our mom screamed. She screamed at our dad, the kind of scream that breaks your voice, the kind of scream that was full of emotions. About 5 minutes […]
It’s weird I usually never even leave my house and when I do and when I get to see people that I used to know I feel so useless. I really didn’t want to go to this family event today but I thought that someone who I actually care about was going to be there. 12 hours wasted. I even got offered a beer and if my mother wasn’t standing right there I would have fucking accepted because I was so stressed out just by being there. I kept to myself and tried not to say much because I had nothing useful to say. I […]
I don’t want to hurt my family, but I am in too much pain to carry on. I was never meant for this world. I feel so alone and lost. I just want my soul to be forever free.
I’m not a selfish person. I’ve been told suicide is selfish. People will miss you, greive, feel guilt, brcw depressed themselves. Your parents. Siblings. Friends. Grandparents. Extended family. They’ll hurt. Some, forever. My parents, especially my mother, will be forever grieving.
My life is good. Good job, family, friends, lifestyle, living conditions, amentities… There is not much i need that I don’t have. Sure I’m single, but I’m seeing someone, kind of, and he’s great. Other guys ask me out, I have to turn them down.
But still I can’t shake this.
I feel like I’m spiralling down a rabbit hole.
I don’t want to get up in the […]
Haven’t posted anything in a few days. I just don’t even know how I feel right now. I’m so tired. Yesterday I went to the beach with my family and some friends. Today I went to the pool.
I know, it sounds like I do enjoy every minute of my life. I admit, although I hate my life, there are times when I have some fun.
But even when I was having fun this weekend, I still kept thinking about how those people would remember me after I killed myself.
As i’m sitting here, home alone, typing this, i’m feeling slightly hopeful for this website. I don’t know how many people are active here. I don’t even know if I really care. All I know is that I need a place to vent when I need to, and this place caught my eye. I would like to begin by just venting about my setting. I’m sitting here at a kitchen dining room table that’s littered with used kleenex- 15 of them, my OCD made me count-, a red face, and a wadded up suicide note. Kidding about the last thing. I have a need to […]
I went to doctors yesterday and have gota mild eating disorder because I have a fear of gaining weight 🙁 it’s kinda hard cause I also have depression and get a lot of thoughts and everyday is hard. Social worker contacted me yesterday saying if I was safe and I feel the doctor has told them stuff I told them all my levels of trust have gone 🙁 I feel major down and I’m in pain a lot with my back and have cluster headaches a lot too I am also anemic so I bruise easily and I’m quite pale. I have about two friends […]
I am tired to explain my problems, but I suffer every second of my life and it’s not gonna end. I know in my heart I won’t be happy again, I personally ruined my family, friendships, love and job. All my fault, odd story but I self-destroyed myself and I can’t blame anyone but me. I’ll never forgive myself and I’ll never get back the things I lost and I can’t live without them. I have to go to end this.
On the other hand I already hurt beyond imagination the people I love, and I can’t afford to add other pain. My death would literally […]
A friend of mine just committed suicide 4 days ago and everyone in my community is totally shocked.
I was wondering what experiences you may have had with a suicide of a friend or family – whomever – and how you dealt with it.
He was a very smart student was best in his school year and an extremely intelligent and good person. He left a note that said noone should feel guilty with all his bank accounts and formal stuff. Then he left and jumped from a 10 story building. Before he has been fighting depression for one year and had medication ( I’m not sure […]
When i was six i was molested by my cousin went i was seven all my cousins and brothers where involved then i was raped at 15 on my birthday while growing up with an abusive family i met a boy i fell for him was faithful while he wasnt and he turned to beating me. I have no family no friends and am about to loose my home because some jerk photo shopped a picture a nudy one and posted it all over fb… i no longer want to try fight or anything… i just wanna die im alone and i was always told […]
I just lost my fiance, house, kids, family and im done. Dont honestly know why im posting. Maybe just to get it out tgere and make it final