Fuuuuuuuuck. Shit goes downhill fast, people.
Tag:
fast
I’ve spent my entire life trying to figure out what I want to do for a living. I think I’ve got a lead on something that seems right. It would allow me to work from home, part time, and I could make three times what I make now. If I can actually do it.
I’ve been stuck in a fast food job for almost a decade.
I wanted to sing or write, and now I do nothing. I have this weird brain fog thing, so nothing even looks real. I have snow vision. I get angry at my child all the time.
Nothing at all makes me happy.
And […]
I have a sweet tooth.
Days can pass and I won’t be hungry, won’t eat, but the second someone offers me something sweet- or if I find it myself- the fast is broken; it can be an apple, a piece of candy, grapes, ice cream. Anything.
But why? Who cares?
The reason is old and sad (or pathetic, if that’s how you want to see it).
We’re not rich. We usually don’t have a lot of food.
When I was younger, we still didn’t have much to eat, but we rarely got anything sugary (or fruits, because parents just went and bought fast food for the starving masses).
I’ve spent 3 1\2 years living in a shadow. She never got over her ex. A few times, she actually admitted it. I love her, unconditionally. Our first month together was perfect. Maybe longer than that. After that, I just wanted to be enough. Never happened.
I lost a lot of respect from my family and those relationships went downhill so fast. I gave up so much for her. She never asked me to, and she would be the first to remind me of that.
I think she’s hanging around her ex. It kills me to think […]
I wonder what the journey to death is like.
I don’t necessarily believe in an afterlife, although I like the idea of one.
Will there be a long, dark tunnel to gates of white?
Or a long, dark tunnel to blackness?
Paradise or Nothingness?
My money is on there being nothing in death. But that’s okay with me, if there is no conscious thought after life ends, then I have no ability to be unhappy.
I am trying to escape the influence of those who have hurt me, but it’s like that nightmare where you’re running away from someone and every time you glance back they’re still nipping at your heels, […]
Money. It’s truly evil. Or in some part evil. I’m sitting here thinking to myself that if I had money, just maybe I wouldn’t feel like my only escape is death. I’m trying not to give up but, shit, winter is just dragging my ass down. I can’t escape from this hell I’m lock away in because going outside entitles freezing my ass off… With no car, it’s extremely hard to get anywhere… You would never guess that a vehicle is almost the most important thing, next to a place to live. I’m pretty much poor… Boyfriend can’t get anywhere to work so his mom […]
why all good and happy times passes so fast??why people that we love we don’t know their importance until they’re gone???why life is soo hard???I really want to die and I pray every day for god to die but I’m still alive . can anyone help me to get over my depression and loneliness?? thank you everyone
Things are beyond hopeless. Things are ridiculous. Came to realizations too late in life. I’m almost 50 and just realized that my parents are self entitled critical narcissists who eroded my self esteem and that I spent 15 years with a spouse who is just like them. I have been the take it and put up with the bs – in every relationship and work place. Because why ? Because I settled and took the first boyfriend/job that comes along to get out of the debacle…the cycle has been continuous. Fast forward to now: I have no money and will run out of dog food […]
Not sure how to make since of anything.. Between hearing seeing and feeling things I’m unsure are real or not or the strange thoughts and being afraid of it all.. The other day it was pouring rain and the wind shield wipers were on high the water quickly beading and dripping down again all I could see was blood… I wished for it and hoped for it … I’m so tired of holding this feeling in.. Some ppl say it’s all a lie some just think I’m crazy but why? Why is that what I thought of ? Because of the long addiction I had/have […]
With the new year fast approaching I thought it might be interesting to engage in a little fantasizing. A bit of a fantasy never hurts now and then and it can sometimes tell us where we are grounded and where we are not. So here goes. Just answer the question in a million words or less…
If you were approached by the devil and offered a price to sell your soul into eternal damnation, what would you want in return?
To offer some food for thought, I was contemplating something like this: Being returned to the year 1969, with a 20 year old body, one billion pounds […]
I think back to a time of the hopes and dreams I had years ago of who I was going to be and fast forward I feel like I’m nowhere near those dreams. Past betrayals have left me guarded which has left me in a state of not being able to connect to anyone. I internalize everything and in public I laugh and joke as a way to hide and cope. The irony is I work in a profession where I’m surrounded by people everyday and it is my job to help them feel and look better. With each of their smiles I hope that […]
oh Yay! There’s another baby on its way today.
As she swims around in her mothers womb, if only
she knew that it was too soon. For her mommy was
taking too much med. Now everyone had to stare blank ahead.
As you lie there in your sweet baby bed going through overdose
they waited for the doctor to diagnose when we could take you home. Two
weeks pass and you’re no longer left alone.
As you’re carried into the doors of life,
“Welcome to hell” the sign on the door should have said.
Reaching your destination will all be in your head. “Last call
for the train heading nowhere fast.” The memories you create […]
today i realized my life is going no where fast and there is zero i can do to change it that i haven’t already tried. my lifes a dump im trash. i want to die. ive been trying so hard to not want it but i do.
I hate the feeling of not knowing how to do something or not getting things right away, it makes me feel obviously dumb as hell and incompetent. Final exams are coming up and being “stressed” is a damn understatement.. Maintaining my grades and not disappointing my parents.. I usually only write about how fast my emotions change but I’ve been feeling quite stagnant. Its weird to not have ‘episodes’ but hell its a fucking relief. Sorry this isn’t too cohesive I just wanted to write something here. And is anyone good at chemistry and is willing to help me? The teacher is 70 something damn years old […]
hello, folks, made it through one more day.wolves will be at the door anytime now. what i would give for a honorable warriours death. quick, fast and painless. instead of this slow, agonizing, torture. oh for just a little bit of courage, just a smidge, to make it past the point
So, someone wrote a post about “Window Shopping” the other day, and it got me thinking. I had this track I recorded lying around and decided to speak some words to it. Thanks for the inspiration! It’s a rough cut, but it helped me through the moment.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Window-Shopping.m4a
I am supposed to choose something
Anything, just not nothing
But I prefer the window-shopping
I get too overwhelmed by the options
It isn’t just tradeoffs, or give and take
There is so much more at stake
Pick what you want, but it might break
Then pay in time and tears for your fate
Imagine it’s a bomb that I’m meant to defuse
And I have to […]
Still alive. I was planning on doing it almost a month ago. But then there was my sister’s wedding, and once that passed, I realized the holidays were fast approaching. Then there are my students, too. I teach at a local community college, and I rather like my students. And whether they like me or not, losing a teacher mid-semester is bound to be traumatic.
As much as I want to kill myself, I feel the need to wait for a better time for the people I’m leaving behind. Everytime I walk across the bridge near my apartment, I fantasize about jumping off. I don’t know […]
I have so many questions
And for answers I’m guessin
If life’s a test well then I’m F’n
Everything gettin fucked up fast
Tmw I don’t know if I can last
Laugh hard when we mingle
Cause I’m the only one of us that’s single
And for anything to be serious I have to turn it into a jingle
Man my life is gettin stacked like Pringles
Under pressure ima crack
Headed down any road that ain’t my own
Since in my lain I’m all alone
Pick up the phone to hear the dial tone
Friends has just never been my zone
And now […]
Her eyes and words are so icy
Oh but she burns
Like rum on the fire
Hot and fast and angry
As she can be
I walk my days on a wire
It looks ugly, but it’s clean
Oh momma, don’t fuss over me
The way she tells me I’m hers and she is mine
Open hand or closed fist would be fine
The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine
Calls of guilty fall on me
All while she stains
The sheets of some other
Thrown at me so powerfully
Just like she throws with the arm of her brother
But I want it, it’s a crime
Fuck. I don’t have a drop of spit left in me. I knew when I lost my job a month ago that I would need more energy to turn things around but I am sinking fast. I decided to forget about pounding the pavement for another I.T. job and start looking for freelance recording and voice-over gigs. This I can do from home and I have all the hardware I need and I have the chops to do it.
The problem is I still need to get organized, refresh my skills and dig everything out of the closet to get set up. But I am just […]