13.7 billion years ago. something strange began to happen.??? There was a big bang & then Tiny parts of the universe became conscious. One of these’s part’s was called Donnie. & he was pissed. Why did donnie get. Life. I.E self-awareness. For.? If i was enjoyin it. cool. Maybe i would understand it. Ok why was i made self-aware for. Just to have a rubbish life. Then off my self & lapse back into unconsciousness.? It’s just my fate. to spend an eternity in darknesss. Then To have a shitty brief flash of self-awareness. Then slip back into an eternity of darkness. Once more. How […]
Welcome, step inside my mind!
If you aren’t worried now, its a matter of time,
Till you break through the seal, and feel what i feel,
even then for you it will never be real.
My mental health? How bad could it be?
Well its hanging by threads! Im crazy you see?
Depression has me thinking of things that are vile,
I cut and i bruise and it makes me smile,
The pain I enjoy it, frightening enough,
And when I try to put the ones that I love,
first instead of myself,
It really makes me think…
Don’t do this they love you, try for them,
But my mind just continues to sink..
I needed help before this […]
I have been through a lot – bullying, attempted murder, attempted rape, none-curable illness etc.. Each time I have escaped with my life, I have found inner strength and saved myself from suicide countless times. Each time I think to myself ‘things will get better’.. But I have yet to see any kind of manifestation of luck.
I am mentally ill. I have suffered with hallucinations, delusions and thought disorder for over a decade. The last year has been particularly hard following a fellow human being physically harming me.
I crumbled and asked for help for the first time ever in January, though I found the process humiliating I was […]
Right now I’m only living because I am alive.To not waste what I consider a magnificent oportunity to discover,feel and enjoy everything that moves your heart.Yet no matter how hard I look,no matter how hard I search,I can’t find the rope to guide me trough the maze.I feel so alone…Everyone around me seem so far away,like I was in a different dimension overlaping his one but I couldn’t be touched.I can’t find what moved my heart anymore.Everyday seem wasted.I think: “If I was going to do nothing again,I should have stayed in bed”…Worthless chatter “It’s finaly geting hot outside!”…”I love the cold…”.Everybody looks at me […]
they say knowledge is power
I say it’s a curse
To not know the truth is my desire
For ignorance is heaven on earth
To not know how cruel this world can be
To not know what is going to happen to me
Because my destiny is known by none but fate
They know the event but not the date
On which I’ll die, without a tear in my eye
Because I will have prayed for it all to end
To not know how far gone humanity has become
To not know how much love has stung my heart
And torn apart
My life from my soul
A blade to my wrist
Like a flame to a fire
The reflection of the white light
The forever emptiness saying goodbye
Filled the hole with pain
Filled the empty with blood
The pain consumes me but I don’t want to stop
The darkness torments but I won’t open my eyes
The light blinds but I won’t turn away
This is my fate
My fate and mine alone to face
So … I was reading the comments and someone (I think emptyness7) said she’d seen so much suffering and evil in the world … so have I … lots … I’m arguably one of the oldest on this site so yeah … I’ve seen a WHOLE lot of bad shit. but also I’ve seen a lot of really, REALLY good stuff – from a lot of sensitive and caring and selfless people … like a lot of the kids on this site.
You wear you hearts on your sleeve and bloody it with your blades … and it pains me to think you’ll either kill it […]
Anger rising, rushing through my veins
Thoughts racing, running through my brain.
I can’t take this, all this hate.
I don’t want failure to be my fate.
I am unable to give a f*ck anymore,
So please go walk out that f*cking door!
He and she is no longer we
And I don’t want it to be!
Just let me go, say goodbye.
Let me go and watch me fly.
Hopefully I’ll soar up to God,
Or maybe just get beaten by a metal rod.
F*ck this life, I give up.
No more strife, put my ashes in a cup.
Spread them in a forest in the fall
Or maybe dress me […]
Lost inside idk where to go
trapped with anger, lost of all hope
no finger pointing, only I who is to blame
Im shackled and caged filled FULL of rage
If I wrap this sheet around my neck
I can put water to the blaze
Satan got ahold of me, BOY is he vicious
gave up on myself, dont even care about christmas
miracles dont happen, so I accept my fate
trapped in my own mind there is no escape
razors and knives pierce thru my heart
misery filled conscience, stand alone in the dark
nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
failure hurts, I just want to die
written in summer of 2011, but just bought my charcoal grill […]
Do you believe in fate? If yes, then I have another question for you. If someone commits suicide, was it fate? Meaning, even if you or someone else attempted to stop them it would have happened anyway because it is their fate? I’m not saying fate should be blamed, I’m just beginning to believe that some things in life are inevitable no matter how much we humans try to change it.
Today I read an article in Psychology Today. In it a successful author was interviewed and he said that  most success in life is governed by chance. Basically someone could work just as hard and […]
i just start this by saying that iam none ohther than a desparate girl who wants love and affection.don’t know why god have designed my life in such a different way.In my chilhood i used to be a dancer,singer,script writer and even more a cheerful happy go lucky girl.all of a sudden everything changed dramatically.Being only daughter everyone called me lucky.in my 11th class i started my journey towards pain and day-to-day crying.Who knows that a single girl gets cheated from her own friends just because she looked pretty than her friends.i always wanted to smile even at bad situations too,,but see my fate […]
I remember when I was a kid holding a knife to my throat to stop my folks fighting. Â Fast forward to life at 24 and not much internally has changed.
Listing my life’s unfortunate circumstances is pointless, everyone has suffering. Â However, the one constant has that the cumulative sum has all been ‘my fault’. After starting the process 4 years back to improve myself, it seems I’m the only one aware of my progress. Other folks just have shit to so.
Furthermore, when conflict arises and I stick to my reasonable intellect and try to better the energy, it seems like I hurt more than help. I […]
I have a feeling I won’t live much longer and the pain of having to sit and watch the delusions and hallucinatins and the bad dreams all telling me that something bad is going to happen and that I’m going to die.. I can’t stand it anymore I just want to end it to stop the constant torture of the voices and just end it sooner then they expect..
I’ll have officially turned 26 by the time I have posted this.
This morning it hit me. I’m turning 26, still living with my parents, never had any further education or qualification. I’ve wasted my life.
I look back now with regrets. “What could have been”. I’m really unhealthy, a non-existent love life and well, no future. I think today would be a perfect day for suicide.
I have a plastic bag and a helium tank in my cupboard… no gauge though. Home alone. Fate be with me… let me die.
I’m trapped!
As I pace back and forth in my cage,
I wondered what I did to deserve such a fate.
A fate that gives me no hope, no pleasure, no freedom.
Freedom to breathe, freedom to live, freedom to be whole.
These bars are cold and binding.
They whisper,
“You have no place to run,
“No place to run,
No place to hide,
No place to go.
You will never be free.”
~ Polygon Window (Aphex Twin) – Quino-Phec ~
How countlessly they congregate
O’er our tumultuous snow,
Which flows in shapes as tall as trees
When wintry winds do blow!–
As if with keeness for our fate,
Our faltering few steps on
To white rest, and a place of rest
Invisible at dawn,–
And yet with neither love nor hate,
Those stars like some snow-white
Minerva’s snow-white marble eyes
Without the gift of sight.
Robert Frost ~ Stars
i feel him crawling inside, crawling inside my mind and body
what is he trying to find, i feel so ugly
screaming inside no words leave my lips
no! no never! my body he grips
it doesn’t count if you don’t say it
im crying now, it hurts
i want to tell him “go eat shit”
but my mouth still speaks no words
he keeps trying to give me something,
but its something i dont want
he says that it dont mean a thing
and makes me taste my ****.
oh Jesus, God where is it now? wheres the blessed light?
im sure that i could maybe,so why dont i put up a fight?
so high, so drunk, so […]
((sorry that this is song long… p.s i hav the tendency to write “have” as “hav” and “back” as “bac” and “you” as “yu”))
I’m new to this site. The fact that I found it by accident or fate I hav no clue yet. I might as well start writing because it seems that it does help at least from what friends hav told me to do. I’m taking their advice to figure things out and try to help myself through things that I do go through and think negatively about.
Where to begin… well I hav tried to commit suicide before by cutting and taking […]
hi all. i am 38 and i have been a carpenter all of my life. i am also not one of the thinnest men in the world. i am good at what i do, but there is no joy in me. i live in a little country, were its wrong to not be happy. i find no happynes in anything, and my girlfriend has not been touching me at all for over 4 months.. there is no work to be found. i barly can get the things to fit, and i am always outa money. i have tried to end it before, 2 times to […]
Buried under self-inflicted fate, I spend a thousand silent nights awake/Falling into dreams of pain, waiting for the light of day, to wash away this burning sin/This torment searching for a new victim / Looking forward to the day I die, I never found a way to live/Turn back now, before it’s too late/Seething hate and leaking faith, hold me up before I break/A fragile heart and darkened mind, this is your time, this is your time/Follow the crumbs that I leave, leading to a black heaven/You know the way this story ends/Lift me up and start again/Waiting for the voice that fades, straining to […]