I have a fear of people. I get tensed up and this causes me chronic pain. My doctor has me on benso but the does not help much. I really don’t know how long I can do this for. I hurt. This is really hard for me to do but we are all strangers so why not I was raped off and on for 7 years, at first I thought it was okay I was 5 when it started and I never told anyone because I can barley type it. Off of that subject. It’s so much more. I don’t know if it’s just because […]
I wrote a post yesterday called ‘What am I waiting for?’ (http://suicideproject.org/2013/03/what-am-i-waiting-for-2/) and I now know why. Obvious to say, but I’m scared. I’m scared because I know that to truly end my life will be the most traumatising thing I will ever have been through – I know that sounds weird because surely I want to die so bad that it shouldn’t matter? Well it does matter and I really, truly do want to die, but there’s no easy way out. There is no way I can get hold of a gun or fatal load of pills – which, to me, would make it […]
Death, a lot of people live their whole life in fear of it. But what’s the point? Its a guaranteed. I don’t understand why people fear death. It’s said that when you die you will know every answer to every question, it makes me excited. I don’t fear death. It’s really not something that frightens me or chills my skin. I accept it. And I’ve even tried to attempt it. I think more or less, that people aren’t scared of death directly, but the pain that might be felt before it happens. That doesn’t scare me either. I’m so numb inside it would be nice […]
I feel like I’m in a tug of war between life and death. I’ve given up and now I’m just watching the days go by. What am I waiting for? because I don’t want to live. I want to wake up with a smile on my face, get ready in a good mood, breathe easy and walk happily to my death.. I don’t want to feel fear or guilt or sorrow.
When I think of the countless number of people who have taken their lives since the beginning of man and the men and women who take their lives every year – it makes me […]
While one day falls into another, I only hope that this is a dream.
I’m too old for these feelings. I’m in university, doing an incredibly difficult course which I spent my whole schooling trying to get into. I chose this. I am crippled by social anxiety, so I chose to live alone. I am simultaneously envious of people who can be themselves, surrounded by friends. I chose to be like this, every decision pushing me further inside my head. I am painfully crammed inside my own skull.
Surely I’ll wake up, a happy, normal, real version of myself. Surely I’ll be able to think beyond myself.
I […]
Another bad week… Summer was great and now at class return my life come back to be a bullshit… They hacked my facebook profile and say terrible things about me and i never do anything wrong.
now after 3 months i start cutting again… Why its seems to be the only way? I feel ignored I feel a nothing and good on nothing.
I spend a summer trying to think that this would never happen again
its really another day in paradise?
i live with my parents (again) and i’m 28 years old, nearly 29. i work on computers for 40 hours a week. over the past year i have cleared up a lot of debt (largely in part because mom and dad have not charged me rent and put a dinner on the table for me). i’m coming up on a year at my current job; the end of May marks both my 1-year anniversary and my birthday.
about this time last year i was calling the police on some dumb ***** and her self-centered daughter when she threatened my life. i was such a wreck, racing […]
Soon it will be seven months since the love of my life passed away. No one understands what it’s like to have to go through life without him. I feel completely lost and have wanted to give up so many times but I can’t because losing him gave me my faith in God and the fear of not being able to go to heaven and be with him again is too great to actually end it all. Every day is a challenge and some days I honestly miss him so much I just can’t even get out of bed.
My greatest fear when thinking about taking my own life is the family I have with me and that care for me. I’m so lucky to have both my parents together still, and that would do anything for me. I also have a sister, brother in law, and two nieces whom all of I adore. I’m 24 years old and I feel like I’ve never experienced a normal life. I’m gay,and I also have other problems that make me self conscious of my appearance so I hate being in public or any places with many people, so I cant go to gay bars or any […]
My story isn’t much,its not as deep as people who have been abused or raped once or many more times though I have experienced some things very similar,I know its tough and scary.
Unlike many I still have my family. They don’t hurt me physically but sometimes mentally/emotionally. Always being angry at the small things I do. Complaining at everything I do and also costantly repeating what one says is too overwhelming when I’m stuck with it for all of my life so far. Not for too long but 4 more years or even longer seems way too much.
I’ve wanted to die since I was […]
Why should our worst demon be the one in our own skin?
I didn’t always live in a nightmare. I didn’t always have conversations with the voice in my head. I wasn’t always watched by disembodied shadows. I didn’t always hear tortured screams and maniacal laughter or my name in empty rooms. I used to be “happyâ€. “Happy†is an illusion created to hide all the pain, madness and fear. It was never real. But I used to experience that bliss, “Ignorance is bliss,†they say. That bliss is gone. I used to smile and laugh all the time. I used to think, or be thoughtful. Before the clouds, and locks. Before the black fog that covers […]
For years I’ve been afraid of fear. My main phobia is hands. How does an artist come to be so terrified of what she needs to use to create? And im not talking like an “ew, they’re creepy” fear, I mean full blown body shakes, nightmares, parinoia, the works.
and that’s only one of the endless list that i dont want to live.
There’s also heartache after constant heartbreak, the last one also the worst one, i just cant seem to recover from. Mainly because of the loss of my very first child.
There’s also having to choose between my parents, who divorced when […]
I am scared of myself.
In the day.
I am pretty, I am smiles, I am the girl who aids.
At night?
My skin starts itching.
Then aching.
Burning.
I don’t want to die just yet.
I break perfume bottles.
Eyeliner caps.
Anything to get the words from my head on my skin.
Nothing stops it anymore.
I stood on the roof.
Three floors up, that white concrete calling me.
I shouldn’t want to jump.
What’s wrong with me.
Why do I hate myself.
Monster.
I can’t save myself from my mind.
I am falling again.
I cut my palms then left words on my […]
~Broken~
When will you learn?
That I am not always going to be there
For you to vent you’re anger on,
That I am not a toy to you,
And you will push me to the brink
I will hurt, over and over,
Cutting deeper and deeper
Until everything in me is ruined,
Until I have hurt so much it isn’t possible to hurt any more.
When will you try?
To help me
To stop hurting me
To make me feel like I was supposed to be born
To help me not be afraid
Of you,
Of trusting you,
Of loving you,
’cause I can’t survive the destroying of my heart
I won’t always be able to pick up the pieces,
To mold them […]
Is life even worth living anymore?
I have been trying, struggling against suicidal thoughts. I have been getting help, but it is still not working. I am scared, scared that I won’t live to become a teenager (I am not yet in my teens). I cry and cry and try to tell my friends, but I’m scared of their reactions. I hate myself because I am not strong enough, they are so strong, no matter what happens, they don’t think of suicide. But me? I can’t stop thinking of it. I am scared and hurt and I need help but I am too afraid to […]
I had this dream the other night. I can tell about it because it was quite detailed and made at least a little sense while most of my dreams don’t. Though I can’t fully figure it out, but I can link it to my daily fears. It will take  some time to read, I tried to put it as close as I could.
The “action” took place in my home, that tiny apartment on the 5th floor that  my parents own.  I was home and they were at work as usual. Time around noon. I sat at our kitchen table watching some crap on my laptop. […]
But I always feel a empty inside me… Sometimes it’s very hard hold this feeling and I start cut myself…
It’s insane I know but I feel a little better after this…
And always whem I have a fight with my girl this empty grows and one peace of my heart disappear…
She have afraid of me, she said… She’s afraid that I do something stupid…
Sometimes I think she’s with me because of this fear… Fear of I keep cutting myself or do something worse…
I’m a insecure person, jealousy and depressant…
I was told that I am incapable and irresponsible. That is true and I was ashamed to realize that.
When I was young, I thought that I will grow up to be a socially desirable person–but I am nothing close to that.
People think that I am a weirdo, outcast. I do not ever hang out with people anymore. I stay home most of the time unless I have to go out for grocery shopping or something.
I cry a lot. Every time I cry, I am in a pain and sadness. and anger. I cannot get used to being alone and crying.
There have […]
So I’ve been thinking about doing it (suicide). All day, every day, every year. And the only thing that’s really stopping me is fear of hell.
Is hell real?
I just can’t risk going to a place where I’ll suffer MORE than I’m already suffering now.
What do you guys think, is there a hell? If you commit suicide, do you go to it? Or do you just stop feeling anything… like before you were born, complete noexistance of the mind body and soul?
and don’t worry, your answers are not going to make me do it.