My life has been so terrible i feel like giving up. Every single day is longer and harder to get through. My ex boyfriend left me with our baby and i feel so overwhelmed. While he’s out there sleeping with other girls, smoking weed, and racing his car, I’m here just taking care of our daughter. Everything is on me. I feel like just killing myself so he can suffer. I feel like just running away into the streets filled with the promise of intoxication and liberty. I can forget everything. I can just die in a peaceful drugged out overdose.
lol i just realized how bad i’ve fucked shit up. And how much of an over sensitive prick i am especially with my friends. And that i get sad over the dumbest things that i shouldn’t even be sad about. And that i’m confused about a lot of things.
and i hate that i feel so damn hopeless and i hate my family and i hate the fact that my mum makes me so sad and i hate that i can’t talk to anyone or i don’t have anyone. And i realized how alone i actually am.
And i also hate the fact that i sound […]
I usually wear heels and skirts to school, looking put together, but today I just didn’t feel like it. I showed up to school in sweats, vans, my pajama shirt and threw my hair up in a pony tail. This guy literally came up to me and said “Is that (my name)?” My outfit complexly represented me. Not a good day. Someone called me boring. He may have been joking, but I couldn’t tell. I don’t want to be boring, but even I seem boring to myself now.
xoxo,
It’s Only Me
There’s no fear, only this immense sense of relief and satisfaction. And happiness.
I know what’s waiting for me at the end of the tunnel, and I can’t fucking wait to get there already.
Heck, I won’t even be mad if I survive the attempt and be severely paralyzed for the rest of my life. But I need to feel it. Even if for a few seconds, I need to feel it.
31/09/2014.
Um so.. I’ve been suicidal (on and off) ever since I can remember. I’m turning 22 next month and so I don’t have long, I don’t want to live past my birthday. Preferably, it’s when I’d like to leave this planet.
I’m not sad or angry or frustrated. I can deal with that. I feel like I’m holding my breath, waiting for that gasp of fresh air to bring me back to life. I feel crippled and it’s starting to effect work, work of which I hate doing ofcourse, I hate it all let’s be honest. this life thing isn’t for me, I’ve had a taste, […]
Hi again all you humans. Its been awil since I last posted. But today I randomly felt like I should… well what ive decided on saying is this… this is my messege of hope to every one out there. Don give up. Sometimes things might take awil to get better or change. They might never change. But we have to keep fighting. Oblivion is inevitable people. Early or late it happens… we cant change that… there are many reasons a person could feel these ways. We feel… lose of a loved one. Child hood abuse. bullies. Hating yourself. Negetivity. Etc. Milions of reasons. I might […]
Reality is boring & LIMITED !!
Real life is boring & LIMITED !!
Real world is boring & LIMITED !!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans (well.. MOST/90% of them), I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING !! and especially nowadays become ONLY very materialistic, money / profits driven only, all about money, money, money, & image, image, image! ; it’s very superficial, shallow, and mundane boring!
Why movies, video games, comics, books, novels, anime/manga, creative Art, basically human’s IMAGINATION & fantasy is often/always a hundred times FAR much more interesting & better than this sad, mundane, boring, superficial, […]
Gel pills are the best because they taste like nothing, and it’s the more adult way of doing it (whatever that means, huehuehue!). They take me to another world, they make me feel innocent and kind – like a little girl, and ignorance is total bliss when you’re someone like me. 🙂
If anyone needs to talk please feel free to message me or contact me 🙂
So I am not currently trying to kill myself, well as of now that is not the plan. I’ve been starving myself for about a week and a half so that I can feel how bad it hurts, if things work out perfectly I’ll be near death and in excruciating pain before I eat anything. Things are actually going good , I was 105lbs when I started and today I am at 97lbs when I stand I get dizzy and my stomach is constantly growling but I actually have completely lost my appetite the smell of food makes me nauseas and I’m so fatigued that […]
fuck Reality ! fuck real life ! fuck real world !
Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks !
Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring !
movies, novels, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
there is no MAGIC, no SUPERPOWER , no ‘cool, magical’ SUPERHERO / SUPERHEROES like in those movie , novel , comics , game / games , manga / anime , etc etc !
FUCKING BORING real world / real life / reality !!!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans, I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING […]
On September 10th after what had possibly been the worst 2 months of my life, heartbroken for the 100th time in a row, alone, hopeless, I decided to give myself only one more month to live. I decided to be romantic about the date since is the first anniversary of the death of my second child.
I have to admit, a month sounded like no time at all but it has turned out to be quite long. Whit no affairs to sort, no family or friends to write to, no debts to clear (and no money to pay them if I had them) no job to […]
I’m young,a teenager,a time where emotions are strong and difficult to handle.I know that.i know that I’m growing up and these raw emotions will dull down later,but I wish they would go away now. I’ve never been good at math,never a strong point for me.I recently got a new math teacher (because of me going into eighth grade) and he’s really hard to understand.He keeps saying all theses things he’s teaching us are ‘easy’ and ‘basic’ and I just feel so stupid for not understanding it.When I told my parents they didn’t seem to care to much.I know they love me but sometimes they make […]
When I feel like I can’t make it, coming here makes my day a lil easier. Just having a place where I feel like I can talk openly about situation really helps. I thanks everyone for listening and talking with me. I may still feel suicidal or like I am getting close to the edge, but at least here I am not looked down because of it…
Its funny. I did not ever think Id write on this blog. But eventually I have to. I felt so down ever since I was child, I am introverted. Last year I found a person who made me life a happy life, but temporarily. Many has changed, but eventually Misery, my love, found me once again. Im having these depressions and I have no idea what to do. Everytime I feel like this, I wanna quit. Die, sacrifice, doesnt matter. Wouldnt fight back at all. But then I wake up and my brain tells me “You will try again”. I dont want it to. I […]
I’m not sure where to express what I’m feeling. I don’t want to drag down my friends. I don’t want to announce it on Facebook.
I’m totally heartbroken. I miss my ex so much. He turned out to be not very nice in the end. I feel like I’ve lost part of myself. I can’t believe he could be so callous, so cold – to leave me when I was suicidal, two days after fleeing home because I couldn’t cope. He left me homeless and took advantage of me sexually. Like, what? How? This person told me he loved me more than anyone in the world […]
Have you ever felt like a tree whose branches can not stretch out? The other seeds that were born along with you grow up as humans and you are the only one who actually a tree. People ask your protection when the sun is hot, or simply ignoring you. I kinda assure myself from time to time that ‘Well! It’s finally normal now, but then you see things become worse again and you feel you’re suck again and sick of it.’ It is more or less like an eternal death or a time paradox. There are blind people, homeless ppl, deaf ppl, and I have this […]
The tip of the blade touches my skin
My body shrieks for me to stop
But with my heart aching so
My mind tells me to carry on
I push the blade hard against my frail skin
The tears fall delicately like the melancholy of rain droplets
Yet as I pull the stainless steel up my arm
My emotions are gone, I just feel numb
I ardour watching as my skin torn asunder
Almost […]
So, I don’t know from where to begin. I can’t bear the pain in my chest. I don’t know how much of this I can take before I end up in an asylum. I’m losing it, my mind..
It’s been always this way. Nothing I can do to make you stop. I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried and I… tried. Yet, nothing seems to be working. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never impress you. I’ve been strong but.. but really how much of this pain I can handle? I wonder.
I.. who have been always the good girl. Done everything you’ve asked but […]
This morning I woke up with a different mentality. I don’t know why, something just clicked inside my head. I don’t want to die. I still have things to do. People to meet. People to help. People to love. And I don’t want to miss out on that. Not now, anyway.
I’m not guaranteeing that I won’t ever end it, but I just wanted to let you all know that I’m reconsidering for the time being. I don’t want you all to worry.
The people I have met on this site have changed my life forever. They have opened my eyes to the world […]