Today I realised why I always assume people hate me and why I try and make them hate me.
I realised that I’d rather people feel something towards me, be that hatred or otherwise, than be indifferent towards me.
I think hatred is one of the easiest emotions to express too, and so that’s why I chose it.
I’d find it a lot easier to tell someone that I hate them than I love them, for example.
But I always used to fall out with people over stupid things and I think that was my attempt at making them hate me because I had started […]
Loved someone with every ounce of your existence? And despite how you feel, have that person and people around you tell you that it isn’t really love. I admit it I am controlling, not because I had no control over my childhood or anything like that. But because I want to control the pain that I will feel. I didn’t and still don’t want to feel any type of love for anyone because I don’t want to hurt. I never trusted anyone I built the biggest of walls and yet one person got through to me. It was magic it was love it was the […]
I found this cite a few days ago. I keep thinking about what to write and I’ve decided to just start with my thoughts. I was google-ing suicide quotes and depression quotes when I found this cite. Do I think about suicide? I’m not sure. I don’t think I actually want to die. I just want to cause self – harm. I remember being 15 and talking to a psychologist because so much had happened and my way out of things was with a razor. I remember liking the feeling of running it across my wrists or thighs and watching blood drip. I never did […]
There are a long list of things we are not allowed to say, and feelings we are not allowed to feel. Isn’t that true my fellow slaves? You did know you’re slaves, right? From the moment you’re born you are a slave to your parents and to this society. That is why what we say and feel must be regulated. That is why dissenters must be outcast as “evil” horrible people. Because in order to keep the system going, we can’t have dissent. Dissent wakes people’s minds up, and awake people rebel, and what society fears most, is rebellion. “Being born is like being kidnapped […]
I run today Litterely moving. The world through my eyes is cold. Full of dark colors. The air is crisp around me thin. layers of mist collect on my face under my hat on my glasses. Â I hold my keys in my hands their sound as constant as my steady moving lump of body mass. I run. Its has been a long time since I have run and I can’t remember why I would do such a thing at the moment.Â
My body jiggles forward my mind moves back in memory. forcing me to quite again to walk I keep moving. I remember wanting to die. […]
Hello, well I don’t really know what a forum is, or how to use it, but I guess i’ll just share my story and maybe someone can help. Â I am a 19 year old guy from California. 9 years ago I stared getting bullied. I was already a loner, so I guess it made me more lonely. I always thought that was fine though. This was before social media though, which just added to my depression. When I used to sit at home alone, I thought everyone did. Later I found out that people actually do fun stuff with these things called “friends”. Well I’ve […]
Everyone stares at me, i can’t breath. put on a smiling face but nothing is real, i feel hollow and empty everyday. I dont know if i can take this lie anymore.
When i was 13 i was raped, i dropped out after that.
nobody knows why i stopped going to school… the depression just got to be too much. i tried to kill myself and thats when my mother stopped pestering me everyday about getting on the bus, then this year… i thought my life got better. my depression wasnt so bad, so i tried to get back in school, they gave me the option to […]
I’m so tired, and just kind of want to die. I just feel so sad. I was thinking about just popping about 100 ibuprofen, and then maybe slitting my wrists over and over and over again. Maybe I will? Maybe I won’t?
I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do anymore.
I don’t want my girlfriend to be my girlfriend anymore.
I don’t want my friends to be my friends anymore.
I do NOT want my parents to be my parents anymore.
They accuse me of self harming, although all I have is scars.
They tell me they want me to, go to some […]
This is one of those night I strated to think about future. What is ahead of me? I ended up thinkinging about hope. What is hope?
It means so many different things to so many people. For some people it’s about getting food to stay alive. For some people it’s about getting alive to a school or to a scrocery store. For some it means about getting through the everyday life, even you have everything you need. I’m one of the persons in the last group.
I have a family. Beatyfull and smart wife, two awesome boys. I love my family more than life itself. Â I have […]
I’m thinking of stopping my anti-depressants cold turkey. I’m tired of the numbness. I want to feel what I’m supposed to feel without any masking by the meds.
Just looking for other people’s experiences. Was withdrawal really that bad? If in a couple weeks, I go back on the meds, will the withdrawal go away immediately, or in a few days?
I’m on 200mg of sertraline. Capsules. Can’t really taper them.
a few weeks ago. a new girl joined my school.
dang that girl. the only person i know that can give you the evil eye. ( without actualy giving you the evil eye) and when she gives you the evil eye. you feel like your being sent to hell ( mind the language).
but yet i still find myself atracted to her.
she hates my guts. 😀 she hates my with a pasion :-D. but still haha
you get what i mean RIGHT im not going crazy AM I? IF I AM. then yea im crazy lol
We’re finished unless this man comes into power? I just long for this man to be in power. I’m sick of leftism, feminism, abortion and all sorts of horrors. I believe we can make our country great again. I’ve been making plans for him and I just want him to be happy in his world. It’s all that I fucking ask for, I don’t want much in life
im a 15 year old boy. yea before i continue i know im young for this kind of stuff. but to the point i hate my life. i always put asid my need to help someone else and get nothing for that. ive watched my best friends die right infront of my eyes. and i still blame myself of there deaths. i lost the love of my life. to my friend… and i just feel like.nobody cares. i hate my life. ive run away from home 8 times. longest ive been.gone is near a year. and ive ettempted suicid. many. many times. i just feel […]
Soeymeone else just posted this video:
What a coincidence…..I arrived home in PHX a few hours ago after spending a few hours on the GGB…I think I know pretty much all there is to know about what happens when you hit the water, so in watching this video I learned zilch. The majority of it was a guilt trip placed on people who choose to die this way. It was mostly about the “collateral” damage done to those who remain.
Frankly, I am sick of hearing this. If I ever decide to “go through with it” I will have no guilt about doing so (in advance, of […]
I cant stop crying… my life my relationships have all gone to shit. I havent felt this alone in a while… i feel trapped, used, unwanted and really hurt. I need to get out of here out of this situation out of these toxic relationships… birthdays in 3 days… happy birthday to me.
My mom always says she loves. I can beleive that but I dont beleive is that she wants. Neither does my dad, my stepfather, or anyone who says the love me. I just cant take it any more. My mom always sides with my sister. Just because she cant get over any thing I’ve done. She is part of the reason I feel so horrible about my life. Because she thinks that making me feel bad will make my sister feel better.
my dad and i got in a fight last night about my Spanish grade. i told him keeping my grades up is hard because i get stressed. he yelled at me for having a low tolerance for stress. he said to me back when i was a kid i can handle all you go through and more. but he never had to go through what i do. feeling worthless and stressed all the time, being picked on for being different, getting yelled at every night by a drunken asshole because he wants me to feel bad about myself. i used to like myself when i […]
i hope no one would judge me here .
i am just a teen ., 15-16 ..but i have done horrible things . i had round about 6-7 ex boyfriends & more reltns in which i stayed with just 2-3 days but all these relationships were on fb or phn , no physical contact , i was a kid and i was immature and i hate myslf for wt i had done , i regret it evry single day , i feel so sad that i can’t face myslf . i was immature , but my reputation now is totally ruined , beside my exs […]
I’ve started on an antipsychotic to tone down my high anxiety levels, but they make me feel so sleepy and sedated I can’t do anything but sleep. This is probably a good thing because its a nice blackout from reality, but it means I have more moments in the day where I ‘wake up’, and waking up is the worst. I feel so low all the time; my family keep thinking i’m ‘making progress’ but I still feel exactly the same about everything. I still think about how I need that final end, that there isnt any other option for me. I’m only doing these […]
I didn’t think it was even possible to feel any more terrible than I did a week ago, but it is. It’s hard to even get out of bed in the morning. I’m just so exhausted all the time even though I sleep minimum 8 hours a night. I just hate this… I hate this so much… I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. No one. Why do I have to feel it? God, if you exist, why are you letting me feel like this? Why can’t you help me? Haven’t knocked me down far enough? Â Can I just please die now? I’m already more […]