I’ve always been aware that I’m not good enough for anything I want – friends who don’t treat me as an inferior, mainly, I went through all my life getting that from everyone I liked (and worse shit on top of it) – but eventually I made myself take the advice from people on the internet that I am good enough and to not let people walk all over me. That “self-esteem comes from within.” And I ended up becoming an asshole for two and a half years when aside from that I’ve always been a major softie… and the last person I made friends […]
Hello. This is my first post here. IÂ don’t really know why I’m writing this. I guess I just want to spill it out. May be it will help me to cope with my feelings.
I feel so angry at myself for complaining about my life. I mean look at the world around us. People are dying from hunger, from war, from diseases, from cancer….and here I am. Safe and sound…well…for now…
I’m almost 18. Feel like 12 years old to be honest. How did I even get that old. So fast.
I dont have anything to hold on to. Relationship with my family is…how can i put it…not the one […]
Hello everyone ! I’m doing this project i call ‘Tell me your story’. I did a facebook page & a blogspot. But I need YOUR help to make this work.I want to provide a way for everyone to interact with each other. This is how it works. You tell me your story, I tell everyone else. You could be known or stay on anon. It’s all up to you. What matters is that your story will be heard. People will know that you exist. You will leave a trace that you once existed. You will help other not do the same mistakes you did or […]
I come here tonight to freely express my feelings and thoughts without the fear of being judged and with the hope that someone out there may understand. Okay ….let’s be honest, there’s still a shit load of fear, but I say fuck it.
I’m still having quite a rough time. My depression is weighing heavy in my head. Can barely lift it up. My isolation is at an all time high. The majority of my  “friends” are occupied anyway. I don’t feel like I have any true friends. But I’m sure my isolation had a big part in that. I just have no drive. I’m afraid […]
These emotions,,, or lack of them, they are just as bad as physical pain. This boredom is horrible, adderalls doing the opposite of what it should be and i dont know why: i have no desire to do yoga, make cookies. talk to anybody or ill feel agitated and extremely anxious and robotic like(not fun) i am unable to genuinely laugh or smile or even sing without.
I want to feel joy for one, sweet lasting feelings of wellbeing, confidence, desire. 🙁
The worst fear to have is a fear of ones self, you can’t run or hide from yourself, when scared you cannot stop yourself. I am terrified of myself everyday..i can hurt me more then anyone else. I have lived with this fear for a long time, but yet again the fear has grown. The fear grows when my emotions get stronger and sadder, when i feel empty and comatose’d. I cannot run or hide or stop myself anymore. I have no one or nothing to hold back the frightful me from hurting the scared me. I am a monster….just not of my own making.. […]
Since I was 12 years old I’ve had a crush on a boy who would only break my heart.
Since I was 12 years old I’ve cried myself to sleep every night.
Since I was 12 years old I’ve wanted mutual feelings of attraction .
Since I was 12 years old I’ve wanted to die.
Since I was 12 years old I’ve tried to die.
I love my family, I love my friends, so I can’t die.
I want a way out, but I don’t want the people I love to feel the pain I feel everyday.
Maybe I just need a friend who understands […]
I just came out to my Dad tonight. I did not plan that at all. Came up totally unexpected. He came to talk to me because he noticed I was depressed and struggling and eventually things led to wanting to come out to him. I was so scared. I knew it was something I needed to do though. It took me so long to get it out. He’s a super conservative Catholic…so you can see why I would be scared shitless. He took it surprisingly calmly. But I don’t feel the relief I wish I had felt. I still feel like he doesn’t fully accept […]
I’m relatively new to this site, but thought I’d take my turn to publish a post. The reason I’m on here tonight is because I am really struggling at the moment. I am really having strong urges to end my life. I don’t want to kill myself, yet I don’t want to continue living this life that I have created for myself. Very contradicting sentence, isn’t it? I just feel so alone. And I know isolation plays a big part in it, but even with people I still feel incredibly alone. I hate myself so much. I hate my body and my mind. I wish […]
You can’t go, you’re too beautiful to me,
Not when we’re this far, I wish you could see,
There is a hope, a hope for just me and you,
That we’ll forget it all, and start something new,
You’re more than I could ask, that I could want,
But I ask you to stay, otherwise I just can’t,
I cry, when I think of you as being gone,
My reasons to stay, would be all but none…
You have helped, you’ve done me a favour,
For making me feel love, you are my saviour,
You are my guardian angel, lighting my way,
Without you, your light’ll […]
I had my first boyfriend when I was fourteen. I made a mistake by trusting him, loving him, thinking he really loved me. I introduced him to my mum, who was cool about it.
But then he tried to rape me. I got away, but it was too late, he already had taken pictures of me topless. I am not getting them back.
I did not know it right away, but one day, I thought erase my mistake, rub it off, get it over with, so I messaged him on MSN, telling him what would happen if anyone knew of that day. Then he used […]
A close friend of mine did something similar to this on his page so I decided to try it too. The difference is I guess my suicidal thoughts and low self esteem started long before online friends or dating.
I grew up in a family of eight plus. We did foster care for two kids so there was sometimes an extra girl in the house. I was always biologically the oldest though. If you’ve grown up in a big family, then you probably understand where I’m coming from when I say it’s like survival of the fittest. And when the three oldest siblings are you […]
I wonder, if there is an end to any of this…. things keep happening …. some of us are depressed, some of us want to end our life, some are struggling to find a meaning , some are try struggling to find a way out, and then there are others who don’t have too many doubts, they are almost sure of what they want and are working towards it. And life goes on…. the race, the rush, the panic , the ecstasy, emotions,feelings, sensations…. everything that makes this web of life goes on… just goes on , not waiting for anybody or anything…. there is […]
I guess a good place to start would be the beginning but I don’t really know where that is. I guess as a kid I always struggled fitting in, I wasn’t the same as everyone else and that was noticeable from a youngish age, I was always bullied in school for being different and was always being physically abused by the other kids. No one ever believed me when I’d tell them what was happening and thought it was all my fault for being so different and started punishing myself for it. At the age of 10 I started cutting and didn’t know that it […]
the hallucinations begin
the maggots crawling on my skin
searching for each fresh wound
wanting to bury deep inside
this dark rotting flesh
of mine
i cry
i only wish to rest
lying here is absolutely
no “good nightâ€
paranoia
filling my mind
drowning in sorrow and pain
this feeling won’t fucking go away
but i have no God
i can not pray
not for this night
nor for any other day.
The strangest and weirdest thing about recovery is comparing who you are now to who you were before. It is also one of the most amazing and yet bitter-sweet and almost heartbreaking things.
About a year ago, the suicidal thoughts fully took hold of me, they’d been there for a year or maybe more, but I’d been preoccupied with various other things and hadn’t really given the idea of taking my own life very much thought. But for whatever reason, last March I became completely filled with a desire to fall off the face of this earth. To begin with, it was a case of wanting […]
My mother is the most rude, annoying, bitchy, stupid, uncaring, unlovable person I’ve ever met. I swear she’s most of the reasons I want to die. It’s like there’s nothing I can do to make her happy. I try so hard to do the best I can, and it’s never enough. Since I moved here seven years I’ve been on all the honor roles, gotten almost all A’s, and never done anything bad but a smoked a couple of joints now and then. And she doesn’t even know about that.
God, I just hate her so much. A child shouldn’t hate their parent this much. It’s […]
Nobody WANTS to understand.
Society’s just a big shambles.
Everybody cares when you’re dead.
What’s the point?!
“Can the lonely take the place of you?”
I’ll forever be fine in your eyes. I don’t hurt. I don’t cry. I don’t cut my skin. I don’t want to die. I’m not unhappy.
I don’t think about killing myself every single moment of every single day.
I hate life. I hate (almost) everyone. I hate education. I hate trying for a pointless future. I hate hope. I hate myself. I hate my feelings. I hate persevering.
Why is it so hard for me to let people in? Why do I put on a mask and hide my emotions? I can almost feel a curtain come down, blocking my soul from whoever may be there.
I just don’t know what to do. I feel stuck,trapped oddly enough by my family. My husband has too much at work, and I don’t know how my kids would handle me having a second stay in the hospital in one year. That’s why the permanent solution keeps rolling around in my brain. Just be done with all of this. There’s a […]