My first job has me so stressed out I don’t even want to go and I’m tempted to give the keys back and say I’m not going to open in the mornings anymore but I probably won’t do that just yet. It feels like I’m going to get fired they have been getting pissed at me over a lot of little things and this time it’s major (to them) and they are highly pissed. 1. There’s 3 people here, two owners and me, their only employee. 2. From day 1 they have operated under the policy that I don’t need to know anything until I’m […]
Tag:
feels
Hey everyone. 🙂
I know it isn’t long since I last posted, but it feels like much longer. Over the past few days I’ve been really wanting to write a post again. I’ve managed to write emails but when it came to writing something here I haven’t been able to. Most of this will be things I’ve said before, but I wanted to get them off my chest again.
I feel that my mental state is stagnating, although I still think meditation is helping. The same goes for keeping in touch with a couple of people from the site – it definitely helps to talk to people. […]
I have this major fear of losing people. i have lost a lot of people in my life, including basically every family member. i have a small group of close friends and im scared that one day i might lose them. they are all i have. we have graduated from high school and we are all doing our own things, some are in college and some are in the armed forces, we dont live near each other any more. we all live in different places because of college and the armed forces and i am terrified that i will lose them! i cant lose them! […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Today I just watched and wondered why I had to wake up. Why get up? Good god, just another one of these days. I realized the normalcy in my life just kind of went away.
I just feel like hell, trying my best in all my work but I just can’t seem to get the grip or get that motivation back. Everything still just seems to kind of died out. things just seem so gray, I can’t find the color in my life like when I was a kid. I realized one of the sources of my problems though. Its that I’ve associated normal behavior and […]
day two, figured I should try a second post just to get out there again. Appreciate all the support from people. Today is a little better, still feel like someone pissed in my cheerios but still better than yesterday. Don’t feel as bad as yesterday and can focus on my work a bit more. Still just feels like same shit different day though but I’m trying to work on it.
Today i had a lighter and thought about how it would feel on my skin. But i am to afraid of the unknown to try. I love the way a blade feels or even a pencil back and forth. I need help. My mind is so filled with hatred and resentment. I know that i am asking for help but if i am telling the truth i will not even accept it. I am no good. People come in and out of my life so quick. I just want someone who not gonna walk out of me because of something i say or do. I […]
Oh, sure, I can exercise, take care of myself, meditate, eat good food, pursue some hobbies. Looks like my husband is leaving me, despite all the care I gave him. My one flaw of bad temper has him almost hating me now as he rewrites our past. It’s hard to deal with. Okay, the another flaw I see is I was the rescuer, thereby allowing him to be the victim, until he decided I’m the persecutor, because he doesn’t need me (to be the rescuer) anymore. The drama triangle is SO clear to me in hindsight. We’ll be separating for three months soon, and I’ll […]
i didnt know what to title this so heres the song that im listening to right now.
its interesting how we all attempt to comfort each other when we all know how the other person feels. when someone wants to kill their self people say no, because its wrong, a sin, selfish, or simply “not worth it to end a beautiful life”, and thus try to prevent a suicide. but if you truly understood how they felt ten why force that person to live in misery?
now im not saying that everyone should go commit suicide but when a person is at their worst and wakes up every […]
I don’t have anything new to say and I’m not looking for any advice… I feel like I’m posting too much. I just needed to write.
Hope everyone is doing okay today. Feel free to skip over my post and rant about it in the comments if you’re not.
Earlier my mum said she feels like she hardly sees me, because she’s been out a lot. I said it isn’t ideal that I’m spending so much time in the house, but it’s okay, I’m fine… I’m starting to realise how severely it’s affecting me.
It has its upsides. I’ve been in more pain lately, but it often disappears […]
Hi, i’ve never really posted on anywhere like this before but i don’t really know what else to do.
I’ve contemplated suicide so many times throughout my life and recently everyone feels like it’s finally coming to a climax, as if ive already accepted that i’m going to die soon, and i want to go out on my own terms.
I’ve been struggling with multiple health issues which make everyday life horrendous, i’m constantly spaced out and in pain almost every waking minute, it’s too much to take.
I’m also incredibly lonely, not even my family speaks to me unless it’s to start an argument or take out […]
I live a life that feels like a lie…. I smile and fake happiness because I feel like it is expected. My husband says “I don’t get it? Why are you always sad?” House, kids, job, family…. I should be happy right. What’s wrong with me that I live everyday wishing I had the guts to end it. To look at my “life” from the outside you would see a happy mother who always smiles, does activities with family, friends etc but it is all BS. I’m so tired. Tired of faking the smiles, tired of acting like everything […]
I feel dead, physically, being so tired, can barely stay awake, and being in so much pain that I can barely move. I fear losing my jobs even though my bosses of one job work in another location from me now, but I know I’m dozing off all the time. It takes 2 muscle relaxers now to get any effect, and I’ve barely touched them. Remember, I asked for the rx to kill myself initially, but since I’m not just yet, I’ve used them sparingly. My back hurts worse than ever, my legs hurt like hell, my knees hurt like hell, the bottoms of my […]
I’m trying to accept that I’ll never have a conventionally meaningful life (see previous posts for why.) I may feel this completely alone for the rest of my time in this world, even if I’m with someone. I will never be acceptable to others as I truly am, or part of any community. No one will ever really know me.
Ending my life still seems wrong though. While it would stop my suffering, it would inflict similar pain on my parents, who certainly don’t deserve it. Ruining 2 lives (3 including my sister) to end my own brokenness doesn’t make sense.
The question then becomes how to get through the next 30 […]
I have been feeling alright for the last 2 weeks, didn’t have any massive anxiety or worries, I was able to enjoy the things that I usually enjoy. For people who knows the feeling it is a signal that your depression is away/lessened 🙂
Last Friday and this weekend was especially good, I even enjoyed food and considered doing some sports. Didn’t have any suicidal thoughts, which I have several times every day normally. So, lets say I was feeling good.
But of course it doesn’t stay like that does it, everything came back with full force again today. Anxiety again, worries again, writing here on SP […]
It’s a weird thing isn’t it. For example, browsing the internet and seeing a picture that’s kinda funny, but nothing that really warrants more than a quick sharp exhale out of your nose. But you see it and laugh a little…and then keep laughing. You forgot how good it feels to laugh, the feeling of joy no matter how brief. And you keep laughing and laughing to the point where you have to bite your tongue so you stop looking weird. But it doesn’t work. You haven’t laughed in so long because of the problems in your life, but here you are, giggling like a […]
Its hard.
Really hard.
Ever since I started to fuck up the only light that lead me out of that dark place.
Now that light is closer to me, though it feels a lot dimmer.
I fucked up. I fucked it up.
I killed it. I destroyed its own self and now im messing around with things i think I know to try and fix it.
I make the light dimmer.
I know i need to learn to be able to stand alone.
I can. Can I?
Is it really me all the time?
It is.. is it? I think it is..
Times have changed and the light […]
My friend has been through a lot two years ago he moved to Louisiana and when he was over there a lot of things happened to him he’s suicidal and depressed he feels so much pain everyday and I hate it he’s mad for things that happened over there where he used to live I really want to help him but he tells me that he can’t forget about everything that happened he’s addicted to cutting but I’m not there when he’s cutting so how can I stop him I want him to be happy and not feel this pain I get so mad because […]
Cutting myself feels very weird. I don’t do it often, but days like today remind me of what it feels like. and I’m sorry for everyone here who does it on a regular basis. You’re strong for holding on.
All day today I couldn’t help but let the sadness take over. It feels like I have nothing to live for anymore. Even when I’m around the people that once made me so happy and laugh so hard everyday.