My name is Randall Edwards and I am here because when I was 17 I google searched the words “I want to disappear” and found this site. I am now nineteen and I am suicidal because I am alone. I am away from my friends so much now that a part of me feels like I’m meeting them again for the first time when I see them. Tomorrow I’ll be seeing my best friend tomorrow for the first time in roughly a month and […]
I’ve wanted to kill myself for the past 3 years. I attempted it twice but failed both times, the first time with pills and the second with a razor to my wrist. On the rare occasions where I feel happy, I get home and cut myself. It’s the worst feeling ever. Someone should put me into a coma, I want to sleep forever.
Tonight is awful. I’m close to tears, I feel very alone and unwanted. For the first time in months, I’ve actually considered hurting myself. I know that won’t help, but it’s so tempting. Since losing my therapist and many friends 3 weeks ago, I fell back hard into my already bad depression, making things worse.
I have no clue what to do anymore. I question myself. Am I good? Does my past make me bad? Am I loveable? School gets under my skin. Also, my impending birthday is looming over me like a giant, and my past is a scary dark forest around me.
I’m just lost. […]
So today I got called in for a hearing,,, met her lawyer for the first time. My lawyer was a crook, stole money and ran, left a mess for me, thus my day there today to straighten it out, or I would have been put in jail.
I walk in, find it is a “machine” of sorts, the room is full, strangely all women, I am the only guy there (except for the judge and bailiff).
Many before me, the judge basically ending all the other peoples marriages right before me.
Im not there yet, will fight my whore of a wife as long and hard as I […]
For those like me there truly is no rest for the weary.But at the same time if your like me you simply cannot just end your life.not that I dont want to.its that I cant.being alone for all this time has shaped me.in my eyes I must be independant and not rely on anyone else.I must do things the right way the first time or not at all.discipline comes into action if I show weakness.I become so angry with myself for making even small mistakes it intoxicating.I have too much pride you could say.like this for example…I would rather die than be caught off guard.I […]
Hello everyone! Long time lurker, first time poster here. Just recently I finally came to terms with making that final decision. The blue prints and ground work has been laid out and completed, and it’s just a waiting game now. In the next couple weeks however I would love to hear from some of you here. It can be about yourself, me, anything. What was going through your mind when you finally came to terms with that decision?
How sick does one have to be in order to qualify for assisted suicide medications. I really have nothing to live for and am basically a log in my bed. I don’t want to die in pain. I want to be at peace when I go. I was planning on getting Helium tomorrow but I have read that that method fails if not done right. I want it to be successful the first time around and dont want to survive the attempt only to be sick and have an excruciating headache. This isn’t a cry for help or an attempt at getting sympathy. I just […]
I know a lot of people can feel depressed and don’t necessarily want to deface their body as an escape mechanism. Try writing. That’s what I got into and it helped me so much. I know some people here are a fan of lyrics an relating to them. I have an Instagram account (for now) where I post my stuff. Ill leave one here for you guys to check out for now and if you like it feel free to check out my Instagram 🙂 it’s @_brevity.
Also guys, if you ever just want to chat, go right ahead and message me or email or comment […]
Hello everyone. A potential suicidal from Brazil right here. So, needless to say, English is not my primary language. I truly apologize if there is any kind of grammar mistakes on my reports here. Honestly, it is my first time posting something in a site such as this and I’m a little insecure of what to write here, but I decided to try and make contact and – I don’t know… See what happens. I don’t think it’s wise to keep all this torment to myself. If is ok with you, I would like to open up just a little… at least just once.
It is […]
She’s proud of herself but she won’t tell you why
It has now been a month since she’s last even tried.
The voices won’t stop but today she’s won
She put down her razor and put down her gun.
After hours of thinking silently to herself
She goes and picks up her old friend off the shelf.
Overwhelmed with emotions she picks up her blades
and disposed of the evil that would send her to the grave.
So for the first time in awhile her lips crack a smile
It won’t be easy but in the […]
These thoughts in my head are horrible.
I’m so scared,it’s not even the fact im having suicidal thoughts,its the fact that nobody can hrlp me and that this time they’re scaring me.
They’re winning.
For the first time in a long time.
What do i do?i dont feel in control i just keep screaming and crying,i cant eat and im struggling to stand for long periods of time..
I dont want too go,not yet..but i might have too.
People with a psychotic disorder such as bipolar or schizophrenia are 12 times more likely to commit suicide than the general population. Up to half of people with manic depression (hey that’s me yo) attempt suicide at least once in their lives. 10-15% of manic depressives will end up killing themselves. That’s even more than those with schizophrenia (10%).
I have a pretty severe case of bipolar 1. I’ve had more than thirty episodes of psychosis which ended in forced hospitalizations. I have never attempted though. I don’t want to ever attempt (who does?). If I am to go this route |I want to be successful […]
Honestly I’m ready to end up my life this time. Its very hard to let myself keep survive and put a side for all the issues I had in my life. Its make me always felt hurt & cries everytime I look in myself.
When 10 yrs ago, if my first time suicide succeed, probably this time I’ll no need do more cruel action on myself. Absolutely this time I’ll no more use pills and its was right taking pills could not put in death. What a waste action, but this time I’m surely my 2nd action for suicide and die will be success.
I’m […]
How did i find this website? umh yes i was looking up overdose options. idk i’m at the point of my life that even though im so young i’m kinda ready to throw in the towel, i’m pregnant and i’m being forced to have an abortion, i dont want to cus its just horrible, but it that happens i rather just go with the baby too. maybe im over reacting im not sure but i feel too depressed.
Ok so um, this is my first time posting so try not to judge.
My life was normal as it could be-when I was 7. I would go to to school, bake cookies, and stuff like that. I basically had a good life, or so I believed-it was hard for me to see the bad in people/situations.
My mom: the woman who raised me till 7…she did drugs-all types of drugs(i walked in on her when she was using needles-but i was like 6, and didn’t know about drugs yet). She was also apparently bipolar and schizophrenic. She abused my sisters and I. Physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally, […]
This post isn’t about having a bad day…It’s quite the opposite, actually! I’ve noticed that SP has become quite a staple in my life. Aside from one thing that set me off today, I’ve had a marvelously wonderful day. This is actually the first time that I’ve been happy for an extended period of time in…well, a long long time. I am currently content. I’ve begun to find some motivation to do the things that I need to when previously my depression had kept me from doing them.
SP, I owe you. I am happy.
I have felt this way for a week now. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I have been depressed for 5 plus years. The reason is I have a very sick parent and they are getting worse. But. Then this girl came into my life and everything finally seemed to go up for me. I was happy again. I never thought I would feel that way again. I had someone for the first time in my life I could trust and talk to about everything. I could be myself around her and even show my real me and cry. She’s my everything and […]
I am going to visit a therapist tomorrow for the first time. I figure it can’t hurt. But how much information do I share with her. I don’t even know how I would describe my suicidal thoughts to her. It’s just something I feel, not something that can be explained. Has anyone visited a therapist before? Any advise or anyone want to share your experience?
So some of you may remember one of my earlier posts where I talked about my jogging group and this girl I talked to. Even though the first time it was pretty awkward, we had some nice conversations over the last few times. And she even smiles or laughs sometimes when I say something funny (at least when I say something, I don’t say a lot though). And sometimes she falls back or speeds up to run next to me even if we’re not saying anything. And she always smiles and says good bye after the jogging. I know I suck at interpreting those “signs” […]
Once upon a memory, a nightmare, yet a memory that still haunts me, I traced a horizontal line across my wrist. One, two, three, four times with a sharp object, breaking skin, stinging, causing a mild bleed. Fifth time, force applied, the sharp object went to and through my wrist and out the other side. I screeched in pain, I bit my lip, I sunk my teeth in, my eyes watered. I sat and stared at the damage I had done. That was the first time, more attempts followed…Still I endure…
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