As I sat there awakening from my dream-like state of fog that seems to be ever surrounding, whether it be sleep or the lack thereof, I realized that my morning ritual was left undone. So, I loaded bullet into the cylinder and give it a spin. Pulling back the hammer, I thought about the round I was using. It couldn’t be your standard run of the mill .44 mag round, for it could pass right through leaving me a vegetable. Potato or squash? Neither, because I was using a frag round, as to insure the job got done right. You see, the frag round breaks […]
I was scared .. I am scared. Everyone needs saving, even I do. I need it but I don’t want it. I don’t want the cliched lecture that things will get better or the sympathetic conversation that reveals your place in our relationship that you’re there for me. Â I don’t want empty words to stall my decisions or help me to even consider changing my mind. I think about it all the time. I have set myself to learn to be content with death. I think of where my soul might go .. drifting through the darkness and blackness of empty space that seems to […]
The article is below but thisÂ is my plan. It says he may have not been completely submerged and was floating face up when they found him, an hour later. I was planning to jump backwards and figured I would just drown if I didn’t die on impact but now maybe I’ll go bellyfirst. I really don’t want to survive this.
A man remained hospitalized on Thursday after a jump off the Mackinac Bridge.
Lt. Rob […]
what have you taken away?
a fog of pain as memories darken.
once we experienced heaven,
childlike and open,
but your love perished.
a horrific pool of hatred –
thoughts follow night, follow darkness,
love bled dry.
in a storm of tears,
i still love you.
Carry me home or just carry me away
Away from the horrors my own have seen
Carry me so far away my demons loose my track
The sea mends the shore’s broken sand
Just as you healed the wounds I caused with my hands
But now the memories seem like fog in the distance
Vague in my memory and my existence
But tell me my love? Does your mind ever tempt you?
Tempt to you go backwards?
To push rewind regardless of how much fast forward is screaming your name?
To listen to the lullabies of hushed sleep we shared?
Or to the beat of my heart that you’ve claimed?
Tell me dear, does the wind whisper […]
Like a candle that disipates
into the velvety darknesss
I am smoothered by an unseen hand.
And the darkness
is like a fog
that rolls in off the sea and never leaves
Can anyone see me?
Can anyone hear my cries?
Or will I fade unnoticed
like a candle;
in the dark.
all life really is is a set pattern of habits, you wake up everyday, go throught the pointless sharad we call life, maybe some good shit happens, maybe some bad shit happens, then you go to sleep. just to get up and do that shit all over again.
i was taught when i was younger that if you repeatedly did something it became habit, which became life. so how do new things fit into that? if its new it was never habit right? so here we go with another pointless debate. i think we were all born to be adaptive. to accept change when nessasary or […]
am I supposed to keep going:
– when it feels like my drive to desire is broken (desire being the root of action) ?
– when my ego’s been getting weaker for theÂ past 5+ years ?
– when my mind cannot generate meaningful goals etc like it used to ?
I wanted to become a psychologist when I started going to college (sept. 06) .. it was my only and meaningful goal, my door into the future
I got to experience mental abuse & other bad things in an environment I started to hate .. unfortunately, I had no other realistic option than […]
I have no one to trust or talk to. Not even myself. I’m too embarrassed to overview my thoughts with myself. I’m getting tempted to eat because I have absolutely nothing else to do. Psychiatric drugs have devestated my brain, left me in a permanent confused oblivious fog. Post here if you have the timeÂ to communicate with me.
I saw the mist that day and it entranced me.
I went in not because I chose to be different, or I chose to be something else; I consciously was drawn to it, the mystique, the vapor, the aroma.
I left the group and went down the misty path. I loved it. Everything around me swelled up and was lost. Slowly I lost sight of where I came from. I wondered where I was going, who I was going to meet in this mist.
The beads of water fell onto my face. The cold bit my nose ever so gently, the air was lively and dark. The lights […]
Some days, the fog seems to lift and I begin to see hope for my future
But I still hate the sunny days
It’s only the cloudy days for me
Just without the fog
My brains seems to step up the to the plate
And I can concentrate on something again
But some days, I still feel so dark and lonely
I don’t like to say that things in my life are bad. Because bad is such an arbitrary word. Bad to one person can hold an entirley different meaning to another person… So what is bad really? Then, there’s so many components to the things thatÂ I DO truley believe are bad… which leadsÂ me to question if it’s really bad at all?
That being said, I don’t know if things are bad. The things I am about to expond uponÂ are theÂ events that I am trying to base my opinion off of… theÂ events that foster my emotions. I’m not saying that I’ve had it bad or good. I’m […]
I’ve written about this before but I feel the need to write about it again. When I’m depressed I’m happy.
Let me explain…
Today for the first time in awhile I wasn’t depressed at all. I haven’t been on any antidepressants for two days and all of a sudden I can breathe. I’m tempted to start taking them again so I get worse. When I’m depressed people worry about me. It’s the only time I know they actually care about and love me. They take care of me so I don’t have to. I guess too that I’m so familiar with sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, hatefulness, shame, guilt […]
Hello to all readers,
I am an aussieÂ uniÂ student and am researching the topic of suicide for a presentation tomorrow. I have read many of the posts submited to try and gain some insight into the topic and could’nt help but feel so deeply saddened by what I’ve come across. Saddened mainly because many of the people that have submitted posts appear to all have one thing in common. That is that they seem to feel that they are less worthy of life and happiness than others. HappinessÂ is not designed to be complicated andÂ illusive.Â Everyone is entitled to be here, that is why you are here in the […]