Life what the f*ck is it about cause I truly don’t know anymore. I mean nothing makes sense anymore. People tell you bad situations don’t last long but I would like to challenge that theory. Happiness doesn’t last long so if you ever achieve it cherish it because it’s temporary. However, misery can last a life time. I’m living proof of that I know I’m only 19 but I’ve been miserable for the majority of my life. And right now I’m just exhausted. My life has no meaning to me anymore. I have to be the loneliest teenager in the world. You know people think […]
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Friends Family
I dont cry. I really dont. I didnt cry when my cousin spread rumors about me, when the girls would push me down stairs and the boys would slam me against lockers, when someone who i thought was a friend back stabbed me, when someone who used to be my friend literally spit in my face, when nobody cared. I only cry for 2 things: the death of a loved one and romantic/sad movies(yeah i know dumb reason to cry but hey im human). I used to cry myself to sleep every night when i was younger but i promised myself never again. I refused […]
I’m so glad that I found this site. It’s perfect. Things have been really fucked up as of lately. My depression and disordered eating that began in 6th grade have crept back into my life somehow. Causing me to get in fights with friends, family, myself. I’ve had suicidal thoughts every single day, just like old times. But something new is that I see scary images. But this has been happening since summer/the end of last year. Like for an example, whenever I close my eyes I see blood or a man with an ax in his head laying on the ground bleeding, or when I’m in […]
Life…
This four letter word that we are still wondering, debating, and living each day. As easy it was given, it can be extinguished. Life is always compared to some sort of object, for example, something as simple as a box of chocolates ‘you never know what you’re going to get’. Or even something as exhilarating as a roller coaster, it has its ‘ups and downs’. i believe that the reason why we come up with such simple analogies is because nearly everyone has experienced something as simplistic as that. But what about something more complex?
For instance, a car crashing and burning. One moment, you’re sailing […]
my life… i pushed for what i wanted. i always got close. sooo close yet every time, it fell. my soul,  for anything and everything is gone. i really just want nothing. existence as a whole i just don’t want.  growing up with an abusive family. pushing away from them. finding home in a best friends family. loving it more than your own. growing and pushing yourself to get what you want. only not to get it. learning not to care so much about it.  always with the thought of finding someone for you on the way, someone to love. of course being in many relationships. to give up […]
Im contemplating telling my aunt about what I did…
and I texted “hi” to my friend-ish/first sex with…
what now? Im out of ideas really. I didnt expect to completely FINE after doing that. I expected atleast to be at the hospital but Im seriously okay… fuck logic seriously…
Im bored though… i have no one to talk to since I dont have friends… family is just a title only…
I’ve never understood why the people around me see me being suicidal as an assault on them. Sometimes I feel like the attempts that people have made to save me are just vanity driven allowing them to remain void of guilt largely because when people realise they can’t save me they get fed up and leave. It’s clear they don’t care. But worse than all of this is the way everyone from ‘friends’, family, and sometimes even mental health professionals use emotional blackmail against you. I’ve been called selfish because I have a 5 year old daughter (she has been taken from me). My alleged […]
…is like oral sex: Â if I don’t get it, I don’t have to give it.
You’ve got happy people who don’t want you ‘dumping’ on them–completely self-absorbed assholes who maintain their own happiness by living 100% for themselves and if you don’t feed that happiness or serve a purpose for them, then you’re a boil.
Then you’ve got people who hurt so bad, they can’t see past their own problems. Â They have such an urgent need to talk, they shut out other people who also need to talk, so they go around desperately looking for someone to ‘dump’ on, while not helping anyone else themselves. Â It takes […]
uh. I am so alone. I have NO ONE. i have not left this house with any friends since probably May. I pushed everyone away. Why? everyone betrayed me. My friends all talk meaningless about me. My boyfriend dumped me a little before we turned a year together, right after i lost my virginity to him. I am a total dumbass. God, and this is just friends. Family? yeah. nah uh. My parents are on the point of divorcing. Always chaos in my house with either me and mom, me and dad, dad and mom, sister and sister, and me or sister.
Ive been through so […]
Friends..?
Family..?
can we really be sure that we are not alone?
can we be resured…i dont think so…
friends.. don’t want to listen to the depressing fact that i am alone with no hope of living
they try to cheer me up as if it is that easy
i.am.tired
i hate my family everyone holds on to their every word..SHE said,” oh i would never hit my children” over the phone
………..LIAR…….
how dare you i am repulsed by the fact that you dare to say such words with me meters away…its sickening
……………..so i tell you now……….i am TIRED….DO THEY THINK I LIKE FEELING THIS WAY…..they didnt even look me in the eye […]
I was just wondering, about certain people who hurts us so much, never appreciated us, took revenge on us for some reason, never bothered helping us when we’re in need of something, but we never failed helping them for anything, and so on.. would just get all the best things in the world. In fact, i personally felt like I am a loser because I have always been good to everyone, but people who never been good to me are in a good position in life, but I’m not. I heard somewhere saying that we need to do good deeds to become a good person. […]
I was so depressed last night. Poor me, poor you. Poor fool who thinks your life sucks. Shit, I’m sick of pity. I’m buzzed. I drank a cup of Jack, now I feel good. I can’t help but wonder how long this will last. 10 more shots and I’ll want to die. I have an extra big bottle tonight. Manipulation has always done me so much good. I know my habits, drink and feel good, drink more feel okay, drink too much want to die. I have too much alcohol in the fridge. Way too much alcohol for one man to handle. Blah blah blah. […]
i started to cut again, the urge in me gets stronger and im just falling apart. i feel like my world that i slowly built is falling down on me. its hard to breath, and i just cant take it anymore. if anyone else found out that i started again i dont even know what they would do to me, they probably beat the shit out of me again. but i just cant take it anymore, im one cut away from taking my own life. im just stressed out about everything, college, work, art, friends, family, my future… theres just no escape… even right now […]
My life sucks i’m 22 had already had numerous atempts all failed for no explaineble reason took a box of sleeping pills nothing happend tried to hang my self rope broke (strong dynema 5 mm thick witch is as strong as steel wire of 7 mm thick) broke for no aparent reason
Now i’m feeling like this again.
moved to an other country to be with my girlfriend left everything behind only took my 12 year old dog
he died few weeks ago one moment he was fine the next he’s laying dead in my arms didn’t get over that yet
and now suddenly with no apperant reason my girlfriend […]
I would like to think myself a normal girl.
I know how to be happy, and I have been, and I know it’s possible to be again. I just don’t know when.
I go through cycles, every time I’m heartbroken, I try to take my life. I quite possibly do have borderline personality disorder.
The last heartbreak was half a year ago, and I can’t seem to get over it.
This time it’s different. I don’t think I want to recover. I don’t want to be heartbroken now, and I don’t ever want to be heartbroken again.
I can’t handle it.
I’ve overdosed 4 times already, been hospitalized 6 times in […]
I’m new to the site (obviously) Been lurking around here for quite a while though. I don’t know why, Guess knowing I’m not the only one feeling fucking miserable is comforting for me.
I’ve been suicidal for as long as I can really remember. I guess the only reason why I haven’t killed myself already is that I don’t know how my family would react. Don’t really want them to feel bad… Then again, They might be glad I’m gone. I don’t really care anymore honestly. They don’t pay any attention to me anymore…
I plan on killing myself tomorrow…But looking back, I’ve said that so many […]
It’s only been 5 days since I’ve last cut, but I don’t want to cut anymore.
It’s going to be tough.
But I’m not doing it for me, but for all my friends, family and counselors/ therapists that I’ve met over the years.
I don’t want to hurt them again.
But I think about it constantly.
My skin cries out to be cut.
But I can’t do it.
I want to find different ways to cope.
I want to think positively and think about all of the things that I love.
I love rollerblading, shooting hoops on sunny days, The Mighty Ducks, this crazy […]
I cannot stand a new day beginning. I hate the daylight because i live in the darkness. Today begins a new day to struggle through..i dont have alot of fight left in me. The older i get the more tired i am. I use to dream even in the darkest of times…i use to dream of just living a normal life…a decent home..an education..friends..family..job..a littlte money in the bank..i do not dare to dream of that anymore…i use to be a good mom..but ive hurt my boys..and i cant even speak of that…nothing hurts more than the pain of your children. My heart overflows with […]
It’s 3 am, I can’t sleep, but I am tired.
I wrote a few weeks back, this is a follow up, things have not gotten any better.
I managed to tell a girl i was inlove with that it was so, she reacted as i had thought, told me there were no feelings and ignored it ever happened, it bothers me. Not just that i feel somewhat heart broken, It’s is not too bad. It is more the feeling that this is the one person i can talk to about my real thoughts, but it is slipping now. I feel myself growing more distant, not daring to […]
I hope when Im dead, my mom, brothers, friends, family, read all these post. They don’t know I’m suicidal, not the slightest clue. When they find me dead I hope they read these post, maybe then they’ll start to care about me… I hate crying, I can’t wait to huff this can of hairspray, feel my body go numb. Maybe it’ll stop my heart or something, or at least it’s supposed to. But no, I’ll wake up tommorow with a massive headache and put my days on repeat, how much longer?