I thought i was done with the teenage heartache…wrong

I dont cry. I really dont. I didnt cry when my cousin spread rumors about me, when the girls would push me down stairs and the boys would slam me against lockers, when someone who i thought was a friend back stabbed me, when someone who used to be my friend literally spit in my face, when nobody cared. I only cry for 2 things: the death of a loved one and romantic/sad movies(yeah i know dumb reason to cry but hey im human). I used to cry myself to sleep every night when i was younger but i promised myself never again. I refused to cry about friends, family, school i refuse. But today i broke my promise. I cried over a guy hell over a TEXT MESSAGE from a guy. And it wasnt a mean text it wasnt sent in spite or anger. See this guy and i have been talking for about 7 months, i hardly have any secrets from him. And he likes me and i like him…so when he told me last night he was falling for me i was grining like a idiot for hours. But heres the catch cuz there always is one, hes inlove with his ex. Yup the classic story that almost all teen movies are based off of. He and his ex have been over for 3 years but he stil loves her. In the summer i think it was in july, he told her how he felt..how he still feels. She doesnt feel the same…ahhh the plot thickens. So this morning when i came to my senses and ask him if he still loved her and if maybe he was just feeling this way to try and get over her, he said he would always always always love her, that he doesnt think he will ever get over her and hes fine with that, then he asked if I was fine with that. And i cried. I just stared at my phone and cried…and as im writing this i feel like i might cry again. What the hells wrong with me??? Im not mad at him, i cant be i knew he still loved her, but im mad at myself for allowing myself to fall for him KNOWING that. Im a selfish person. I wont be second place, the runner up, the “oh i guess youll work”. Im not the consolation prize i cant be…is that wrong of me? I know it is but i just cant, i wont and that makes me a selfish and bad person. Thers a reaon i cry at the end of dumb chick flicks, its beacause ther are happy. The prince sweeps her off her feet and carries her away to happily ever after, and i know that im not a princess im not the girl who is carried into the sunset and ive excepted that im not in a fairytale. But i cant except this, being the second best it hurts too much…im sorry this is so long i didnt mean it to be