I’d gone so long without cutting. Months. Tonight, I get into a car crash, second one in a year, and now everything is apparently falling to shit. Mom is saying I ruined her life. Everything just always has to fuck up. I was doing so well, I was doing fine. Now, here I am slicing my arm and deciding the easiest way to kill myself. I just wanna do it. I’ve been thinking about it for over a year, I need to just do it. Kill myself and it’s over, then everything will go away.
Tag:
Fuck
My depression started when I was around 6 years old. Â It started when I was sexually abused by my cousin and his dad. At the time I didnt know what was wrong and what was right, how could I? I was just a little kid. All that ended when I was 13 years old. The sad part of my story with them is that their family is seen as the perfect family. All the kids in that family were well mannered, smart, went to good schools etc. I never told anyone what happened, because….. I didnt want to hurt my family, and I didnt know […]
I have had enuff of this world and all the shit it brings. I’ve had enuff of trying so hard only to be shoved down again! I’ve had enuff of not living just surviving. I’ve had enuff of crying myself to sleep. I’ve had enuff of cutting my arms and legs. I’ve had 15 years of this shit. This is my goodbye to this cruel ass fucked up universe. Deuces. This rope is my exit strategy
they say fuck u
i say fuck them
they say go to hell
i say u go first
they say i have no guts to kill myself
i say watch me
they say i need them
i say look where i am with u
they say shut up
i say why dont u
they say we dont need u here
i say i dont need u either
they say they love me
i say thats FUCKING BS!
yes everything above has actually been parts of conversations i have with them, i honestly cant live with them no more. i need away from them…before its […]
Well this is it the end of the line for me at only 15 year old and I can’t naturally smile or laff I’m now an alcoholic and a drug abuser messed up and I hear voices in my head so I am going to end it before I turn into a phsycho ***** and kill someone if I kill me then it won’t be a big deal I have no family or friends will anyone realise I’m dead I don’t know and don’t care I have got to the point where I don’t care if I live or die it will feel the same […]
im going to kill myself tonight. im just finished. i cant cope anymore. too much has gone wrong for too long and my body and mind are so tired. i cant deal with being sad and cutting all the time anymore. i need relief. i need to feel at peace again, and the only way to get that release is death. nobody can convince me otherwise. and i dont want people saying im selfish either, because guess what i dont have anyone that loves me anymore and i certainly wont be missed. i dont want that “youre special and unique” BULLSHIT either. cuuuuuz guess what, no im not! billions […]
i was so close. so close. my evil sister told my mom that the past few days i have been overdosing (she knows everything bout me) my mom went into a flip attack and started screaming at me other shit i was so hurt my sister told more hurt my knew before i left the earth. she was contemplating letting it go or taking me to the hospital. she chose hospital. ha i got out of that, thank god. now im in trouble. like lots of trouble. i want away and out of my family im fed up qith them, they parent based on […]
I’m dying for her. Literally. I gave everything for her yet she’s gone and is living her life as happy as ever while i’m stuck at home thinking about her and all of the times we shared. She repeatably told me she loved me and I used to believe her.
But now she doesn’t give a fuck that I can be seconds away from landing up in another hospital or in a graveyard. I will die for her I will do anything in the world for her but I know she doesn’t feel the same. She’s my first love and I just can’t get over her as hard […]
Everything was good, I was happy.. Maybe I just convinced myself I was? I just don’t know what to do, how to help myself.. I hadn’t cut in like three days.. Now I’m watching it pour out of me.. So now I’m going to drink myself to sleep with a bottle of vodka, maybe ill add a few pills and finally finish it to fuck!
i know its time to check out of the world, but i found out whats holding me back. people, actual people who i know truly care, i dont want to let them go i wanna hold onto them neverlet them go cuz for me its rare to find someone who loves me for me and befriends me to have fun in each others company not to trick me into hurting me along the road. i never wanna see these friends to leave me and i dont leave them. i know this is when im supposed to die. i just took half a bottle of […]
If he lives I hope you all die painful, torturous deaths. If he doesn’t make it, I hope you live extremely long lives. And I hope that everyone you ever love is taken from you. If he dies I hope your lives are hell. I want you to wish that you could have been afforded the courtesy of being beaten to death. I hope someone bashes your fucking kneecaps in. I want you to wish you were dead. I hope you fucking rot. You deserve less than nothing.
Getting drunk or wanting money is not an excuse. You’re fucking pigs. Worthless pieces of shit. You don’t […]
So I pretty much have become tired of living my life. I feel
like a waste of space most of the time. After my Mom died and my Dad married my
step mom my life has changed drastically. It’s not that I don’t like my Dad; he
just doesn’t know how to deal with things himself. For example he goes out to
drink a lot and acts younger than his 17 year old daughter does. If he’s not
out he’s at work or in his room which leaves me with no choice but to sit in my
room all day. I have quite a few […]
slow as fuck browser…meeh well my voices wont shut the…..-sigh- so bored…nobodys answering me and im so messed up today…im in need of help but i dont want to bring anything up to my parents…ill probs just cut and cry over it like always…
-99%～♪±
Broken. Used. Lonely. Abused. Ignored.
But who gives a fuck anymore?
Fuck you. Im glad you dont ask how im feeling. I dont fucking know myself.
How am I supposed to feel?
Why am I supposed to live?
I think I’m supposed to die…
I fell asleep before I could actually do it.. Then I wome up, and my mom was home. I didnt want to take the chance of her walking in and finding me unconcous and calling an ambulance.. She has a couple weeks off from work so.. Im still here. Im such a fuck up, I even fucked my own suicide up.
Fuck everyone. Just…. I won’t sleep tonight I can’t cut I am ready to hang everyone in my family and burn them. I give up I give up I give up. No one here gives a shit and I don’t fucking care about you either. And to Everlasting, I’m guessing you’re really gone. Thanks for leaving me. Thanks for that favor! I’m gonna pass it on and lead hurt people to trust me and then just fuck with thir hearts! I can say I learned from the best-so many ppl who taught me that. See how many already suicidal hearts I can crush. Seems ppl […]
I’m 18, and some days I do not know why I am alive. I have considered death when I’ve been at my weakest. I’ve wanted to go to the beach drunk & walk out into the water as far as I could go and just let go of everything. Let the waves take me away. I’ve wanted to overdose on my Zoloft. And when I really can’t handle anything I take a lighter to my left arm and burn myself. my arm is scarred up now. I HAD a boyfriend from April to this Sunday. We’ve been on and off for the last three months. […]
the human species is a species I do not belong to, yet I am part of it
I feel like an alien soul that was dropped off on earth to observe humans,
and that my people have forgotten to come pick me up .. neglectful bastards
on one hand, I’m tired of routine: my days are too similar to not get bored
on the other hand, I find lots of comfort in knowing what to expect .. I’m bored to death but at least I feel safe
(safe from what ?)
I must be missing out on a lot of experiences by being very withdrawn
but since there’s a lot of deceit […]
wow, it scares me who i have become in just 15 years. i remember being very young 0-6 didnt give a fuck bout anything mainly cuz i was happy i lived in beautiful California had great parents (who gave me whatever i wanted) then a week before my 7th birthday my sister was born. then my life changed our house was way to small for a family of 4 so a year later we moved we were stuck in ahotel for 2 weeks before we finally got the keys to our new house which to me is way to huge for just 4 people i […]
am I supposed to keep going:
– when it feels like my drive to desire is broken (desire being the root of action) ?
– when my ego’s been getting weaker for the past 5+ years ?
– when my mind cannot generate meaningful goals etc like it used to ?
I wanted to become a psychologist when I started going to college (sept. 06) .. it was my only and meaningful goal, my door into the future
I got to experience mental abuse & other bad things in an environment I started to hate .. unfortunately, I had no other realistic option than […]