people tell me im ugly that i will never find someone to love because of who i am, for what i am… im actually sarting to beleive them… who would love someone like me? suicidal, always depressed, monster? in this world i am at the bottom i am ugly im a monster. i try working out i tried diets and other stuff that will help me get into shape but no matter what i do im un loved… im already struggling as an artist and trying to get my art work out there but no one seems to actually care for it my friends just […]
Tag:
God
There’s this boy and we have liked each other for a while and now its on and off with him. I get really caught up with the fact that some flirt has to hang around him all the time and make me jealous. She acts like a dumb blonde whenever she’s near any guy. He doesn’t know that I do love him and cry about him because I think he’s beginning to like her. I doubt she likes him like I do, I know who she likes and for once he liked me more than her. I feel like she’s trying to get back at […]
I am fucked. It s not that I realized that just now but maybe at this moment i am completely aware of my state. i am partly proud because i am not trying to kill myself at least not today. it kind of hurts when you can’t change the fact that you don’t have anyone around you except your parents which are currently not here. i know this sounds pathetic but i really wish i have somebody who loves me for me, somebody who would hug me without me asking for it. i am at a really bad state now and i would like to […]
Many say that suicide is the answer to curing depression, but how can that be when you’re sure to go to hell?! If one turns to God for help, rather than death, they will be freed from their depression. Although it may take some time, and you have to be willing to give up yourself completely; which you have already decided to do through suicide. God can give you the strength to pull through and can bless you in ways that you never imagined!
I know that I am incapable of saving everyone, but I sure wish that I could have that chance to tell […]
Em, to be quite frank I could give a toss about existing as a science form of a “human being”, who, at this point, feels as though I cannot connect to society on any sort of level that is going to be productive for myself, my future, interactions with others or work any harder than I have for financial security for when I am at an age whereas I cannot look after myself anymore. Personally, I find the world around us has screwed anyone that gives a sh*t about a decent life, it is obviously a mental f*ck of whereas I have no energy to […]
So I’m not dead. Apparently the gun show does not permit loaded weapons, it’s only staring at guns and ogling them and done. No test firing or anything… -_- So I’ll be alive.Â
I’m going to ask out my cousin Jasmine. Going to ask her if she’ll be my secret girlfriend. A term I’m using since she has feelings for me as I do for her. I’m going to ask her next time I see her, but I don’t know when that will be. She saved me from choosing death, I have a chance with her.Â
I don’t believe in God, but in this past week I […]
I tried to kill myself by taking a lot of extra strength Tylenol. I ended up in the hospital with liver damage,dehydration, and other stuff. It was the worst pain, I’ve ever experienced in my life. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. My boyfriend and friends felt horrible wondering what they could of done to stop me. My mother cried nonstop. Before you think about committing suicide, think about the pain it’ll cause your family. It’s been 3-4 months since I was released from the hospital with an unsuccessful suicide attempt and I can’t do activities, like track, I was once able to without […]
Don’t tell me you know my sadness if you’ve never felt it. Don’t tell me you know the emptiness in my heart if you’ve ever seen it. Don’t tell me you know what I feel if you’ve never asked. Don’t try, just don’t even try. Because I have had enough of your lies, that you know me. That you care about me and are “There for me” Screw that. I know you better than that. I may not know EVERYTHING about you, but I know you well enough to know that you only care about your drugs and your beer. IF you really cared, you would […]
I know that it is hard being Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Transgender, or Intersex. I know because I am bi-sexual. My family and most of the people I know don’t understand how it is and don’t really accept me. They think that it is wrong and that I should be straight because it the the “right” thing. I don’t give a fuck if it you think it’s right or not. I am NOT changing who I am just for you. I like the way I am. I prefer girls more than boys because I have been hurt by mostly guys, but that’s not the same for […]
Anger rising, rushing through my veins
Thoughts racing, running through my brain.
I can’t take this, all this hate.
I don’t want failure to be my fate.
I am unable to give a f*ck anymore,
So please go walk out that f*cking door!
He and she is no longer we
And I don’t want it to be!
Just let me go, say goodbye.
Let me go and watch me fly.
Hopefully I’ll soar up to God,
Or maybe just get beaten by a metal rod.
F*ck this life, I give up.
No more strife, put my ashes in a cup.
Spread them in a forest in the fall
Or maybe dress me […]
I’m crazy, I must be crazy. Out of the blue I took a pen and sticky note and wrote “Hey, I like you. and this is crazy, but here’s my love note, so prom….maybe?” on it, then stuck it to the locker of the girl I want to ask out to prom. WHY DID I DO THAT?
I don’t know what to think, but I did it, it’s done, and nobody can erase it now…unless I somehow get to her locker before she does, open it up, take it off, and hide it before anyone can see? But that won’t work. No. I have to get […]
I’m closing up shop. I tried to get back what I had, but the doctors told me I can’t. So I’m going back on olanzapine. Back to being a fat piece of crap who can barely string a coherent sentence together. I came off it because I thought it had done it’s job at stabilising my depression. Now I have psychosis. I had hoped that by coming off it I’d lose the weight and become attractive again, thereby getting a girlfriend, but I guess not wanting to be alone or a virgin anymore after 23 years doesn’t cut the mustard.
I’m not sure why I […]
Hey guys,
The last time i post on this site was thursday i think. I was trying to make a fresh start but things kinda changed the next day when a girl from my school died from a burst appendix. Today i was at her funeral and it was very sad. She did’nt have many friends sadly and was an only child i could hardly keep my tears away today at the funeral. Why was’nt it me? since i want to die.
I did’nt even know her well but i was still depressed as it should’ve been me and she did’nt deserve to die […]
I know right from wrong and I do understand God won’t put to much on ur plate but. Fu its not funny and I know ur toying with me. Well as my week turns I rear ended a brand new lexux. My x. Is playing control games. My parents leave town and the one day I do come home. My moms dog gets ran over chasing some person that was hiding in some bushes when I came home. Let me see death threats. And the only thing cool that happend is I’m clean and healthy and makeing my self […]
Sometimes it may seem as thou i am alone in this world because it seems as thou no one else s in it with me but after watching the movie cyber bully i realize i am not alone there are other people like me out there so what i do is search the net for sites that give info on people like me and talk and relate with them and try to understand them as they understand me and make it known to my self that i am not alone in this world and even if it seemed as thou there are no people i […]
well ive been with this amazin guy for 1 year, 5 months, nd 1 week.. evryday i feel soo grateful for havin him.. nd hez fixed the problems i had wit my family.. he evn helped me thru the pain of the past 15 yrs of physical abuse ive suffered.. nd evrythin is perfect.. my grades culd use a little help.. other than dat, evrythin is perfect. but wen im alone.. all those thoughts of suicide nd alcohol nd drug abuse come rushin thru my head.. nd i feel like im abt to fall over nd jst pass out.. i get light headed nd feel a […]
Apparently when I tried killing myself it was for “attention”….u dk what its like what iv been through..I know that I’v put you through so much but what else can I do..I’m hard headed I get mad over everything and its different now with us…Im never guna change Im always guna be suicdal..but I would die for you …I care about no one else but you babe!!!…and even though you don’t wana admit it..I believe I came in between you and your past lover..me and you were best friends and I did like you so much and I’ll never let you go…if you say its […]
 Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there’s a God who loves you,
where is He now?
Maybe, there are things you can’t see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you’ll see, you’ll see
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
’cause the pain you’ve been feeling,
can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, nd just […]
I made a mistake — the biggest of my life — and I hurt the love of my life. I hurt her more so than anyone has ever hurt her. It’s been over a year since I initially hurt her; over a year since I’ve seen her; over a year since our last departing hug. But, she won’t forgive me; she won’t see me; she won’t talk to me.
I tried to kill myself to get her attention when she was going through her own problems. I emotionally raped her.
The only thing I want in life is to have a life with her. But, […]
How do you pray for forgiveness? How do you pray for something you know God won’t grant?