I always wondered why me. I asked God all the time why me. Please helo me not to go down tge wrong parth and i did. Please help me nit to gice up and i dmfeel it cliser and ciser coming to an end. I dont know why i try in the first place. Pain ALWAYS follows. Death needs to come alreadt seriously it does.
Tag:
God
Nothing is safe in this world least of all the internet but hre I am anyway b/c I’m so tired of doing this. I wake up exhausted every day and in hell. I have a meds appt. today and as usual will have to take two buses and deal with the shit-tastic city and the triggers. I am running out of steam. It’s hard to do anything with this level of ptsd and my T doesn’t want to know about how bad I feel. My apt. is so cold due to being built above the ground that it made me physically ill this winter, I […]
Every day I go thru this. Even on this site, nobody cares, forever the invisible person, hearing his voice in my head. I am tired of bearing the unbearable alone in a triggering hell. I am tired b/c people’s casual judgment can’t begin to touch how bad the remains of what csa has done to me, a battering and torture of my mind heart body and spirit. They can judge thru these words not understanding the anguish I feel in my soul, how my brain can feel so scary, how noise batters me, how his horrible voice accosts me, how I have panic attacks in […]
I did not want to get to this point. I have tried many things to avoid getting to this place. I had a rough childhood, my family is messed up(I do not feel like getting into detail). Despite my best efforts, my life is not working out. I cannot tell people who are close to me about how deeply troubled I am, I do not want to burden or freak them out. I used to believe in God and new beginnings and that if a person truly did their best things would work out. I am not sure about all that now. I tried reaching […]
im at a 6 month church camp and ive cane to the realization this morning that God wants me to kill myself and that im possessed.. now i have to find a way to sneak off campus and do this
This world is boring , boring world . why movies, games, anime/manga, fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
I hate this world .
This world is so boring , boring world !
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, […]
Let Me Die In My Footsteps, they are the hallmark of my only carriage,and but for the grace of God go I
by cathy arsis
written by cathy arsis
insomnia is the bane of my existence. i stay up for days, sick to death with the fear of what the dark may bring…stream of conciousness chicken scratchfvgde
i like to write…i hem and haw over which words to use, each one a juicy fruity gem
There’s bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet….no matter how, swiftly u flee, or how far afield you go
always remember that we all have bones beneath our skin;
a skeleton dwells in every man’s home
beneath the dust and sweat and love that hangs on all of us,
there’s a dead man who’d kill […]
Based on the situations in my live revolving around uncontrollable emotional issues that not only affect me, but affect my job, and most importantly the family and loved ones around me, it is best that I not participate anymore in this thing called ‘life’. I have a condition that causes myself, co-workers, and others around me to feel uncomfortable. Some reduce their discomfort by using denial, belittlement and minimization of the seriousness of me and my situation. Life is not enjoyable when you are mentally ill, constantly nervous and in some type of head pain, extremely depressed, hopeless, and feel worthless to myself and […]
Life is boring , boring life. why movies, games, anime/manga, & fantasy/imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
life is boring , boring life. why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Marvel / Marvels, Avengers, X-Men, Divergent / Insurgent , Star Wars, The […]
People I talk to have said tears before God are prayers that God hears and reaches his heart. If that is true then he feels nothing for me. I’m so sick of being a good Christian girl who is forgotten by God. Seems if when he was making all his children I was just the remaining dust on the floor that he swept and threw away.
They said that when I got sober things would get better , that as long as I did the next right thing God will help me. He won’t though. They say that I’m selfish by thinking of suicide and that […]
I’m so freaking done with life. What’s the point of staying here? I’m so sick and tired of hearing “God has a plan for you” the plan I want is to die right now. I can’t do this anymore.. No one cares..
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life
by niki
written by niki
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life .. !
I am a 33 years old Asian guy, who used to have so many beautiful hope & dreams ,
and many people have told me that I’m a smart, multi talent , very creative, & wise person
but now the more I see this cursed world, people, humans beings, and this reality, the more I lose hope in humanity , losing hope in human beings, and also lose hope in myself & my future
you see ,.. Reality / real world / real […]
Is God there? I mean, there are tons of different opinions on this and any of them could be right. I honestly don’t invest anything in God or any other kind of religion. I mean if there was something out there why would we be here? Why would the site exist? Why would he punish us with whatever’s wrong with us? It doesn’t make sense to me but you know… I guess you could say some shit about the bible or whatever but honestly most of the bible is basically justifying why God doesn’t do anything, so it kinda sounds like a crock of shit to anyone with a cynical […]
the song you were thinkin of by bob dylan is Highway 61 revisted, i know how songs can linger in my head and bug the fuck otta me untill i figure it out; if you’re the same way, i hope this helps:
Soundtrack (The Bootleg Series Vol. 7). It was written by Bob Dylan.
Oh, God said to Abraham, “Kill me a son”
Abe says, “Man you must be puttin’ me on”
God says, “No”, Abe say “What?”
God say “You can do what you want Abe but
The next time you see me comin’ you better run”
Well Abe said, “Where do you want this […]
so many of you still believe… how?
if ‘God’ doesn’t make mistakes than i was meant for all this? God meant for my father to abandon me, left with a woman incapable of showing love, a torment and whirlwind of insanity my mother was, molested at 4, to which my mother ignored and allowed it to continue… the bullshit goes on and on throughout childhood…. BUT – it gets better… so, its not enough that all this shit happened, right? now thrust into adulthood i continue this abusive fucking cycle? once wasn’t enough for me? i can only choose to love those that cannot love back- […]
Its been so long since Ive been happy. Day in and day out I yearn to just bleed, to let it out, to let go. All the pain of my life. Some 30 years of nothing but disappointments and pain. They say that the only thing that life promises is suffering. I say they are right. Its a sick twisted world that I have chosen to bring children into. I met the love of my life and now I dont even care if it all ends. He cant even be enough to keep me here. We have a baby. Its still not enough. What I […]
a few brief words on religion (dont worry sp admin, i aint fixin ta tell all thees heathens ta get rite wit jebus)
by cathy arsis
written by cathy arsis
There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide.
I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live as if there isn’t and to die to find out that there is.
nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear. (and nothing more deviant than those who only do nice thing bc they think that’s what god wants,so they can make it to heaven, not just bc it’s the right thing to do)
Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire […]
I want to die!
– But I kept thinking what my family would feel, I am looking for hints as to how they would accept my death. I dont want to be selfish and just kill myself without thinking of what other people whom I think, would not care or people who I wouldnt even have the slightest idea that would care would feel if I committed suicide. I am waiting for the right time that I think that nobody would ever care for me, then its alright to die. the funny thing is it never happens, everytime I have the urge to commit suicide, someone or […]
When you get to the point where there is no relief, and all your brain does is torture you, it is time to get the fuck off this hell hole. PTSD I would not wish on my worst enemy nor the constant anxiety and dark bad thoughts. The sexual abuse of children is a societal evil society denies. I cast God into the tormenting hell he put me in, and lock the door on his sadism. God doesn’t give a fuck about me. I cast out my father’s evil voice and these GD demons, b/c they are no better than God. They are worse, but […]
Sometime I wonder how much more pain can my heart handle? When will I ever be the chosen one to die? They say God has a plan for all of us, but God… is this your plan for me to suffer and suffer until the day I cannot bear it anymore?
I just want to die. I don’t want to feel anymore of this pain.